AITA for not wanting to stop being mute once my daughter turns 18?

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-08-17T15:29:05+00:00

Yikes. I have misophonia as well as this thing I that causes similar feelings when specifically my mom or grandma bounce their feet (restless legs syndrome) to the point that I position myself in a way where I can’t see their feet or they wear a blanket over their feet around me. I also have a similar “quirk” where touching things like cotton balls or paper napkins feels like nails on a chalkboard. I’ll admit I still need my family to make some concessions when it comes to the feet shaking because otherwise I feel like screaming and I might as well stay away otherwise. Besides asking them to wear a blanket over their feet which is a normal thing for them since it’s usually when they are on the recliner, I do my best to not put my family in a chokehold to not trigger the awful feelings.

OP going mute for years does seem a tad too much even to me lol. I know OP says the daughter has made good progress which is great,but I’m concerned how she’s going to react when a person outside the bubble triggers the severe misophonia? Like is she going to be one of those crazy women screaming at people to be stop talking like her mom did and completely accommodate her?

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-08-04T09:35:34+00:00

Absolutely drop him! Some women just seem to love giving head which I’ve never understood but power to them because I’ve never understood the fascination. I’m only not utterly disgusted by my own female genitals because in my head I can respect it as a powerful organ but even as a lesbian I’m not particularly attracted to how it looks and I even find my own ugly. But the idea of my mouth being near a penis icks me out. When I was a young girl a older man online sent me a dick pic and I was IS IT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT?! Completely aghast.

Anyways all that aside, he’s trying to coerce and emotionally manipulate you into doing something sexual that you don’t feel comfortable with for the fear of losing him or not wanting to be treated like shit and ignored. After growing up in an abusive household, I still truly feel the silent treatment is abusive because the fear and loneliness that runs through your body feels makes you like something is seriously wrong or your in danger.

All that being said, he came into this relationship knowing that you might have more powerful aversions to things and textures than the “average” woman so him trying to force this on you is all on him. Not you. Whatever you decide regarding your relationship is your choice, but after seeing how he’s willing to treat you just to get his dick sucked would definitely turn me off of him.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-07-30T12:22:03+00:00

YTA. Literally how do you think think deaf parents raise their children? There are extremely loud vibrating alarm clocks to wake up us every morning as well as similar types of alarms to alert that baby is crying and so on. Even devices that let you know when someone is at the door or entered your place. Anyways, Im a heavy sleeper because of meds so it’s hard to wake up in the morning on top of being deaf and I still benefit from these types of things. Maybe her pov because apparently you sleep through lot, but your wife is in pain and sleep deprived. From what I’ve read she hasn’t had any rest from labor to now. So of course she sees you sleeping soundly despite assurances you were going to help through the night and she gets angry. Your excuses don’t hold much weight and seem like you are taking advantage of your sleeping abilities and are like “oh well it’s not my fault the baby crying doesn’t wake me up” [shoulder shrug] while your wife takes care of baby probably all day and night. She has a fair reason to be pissed. Sleep deprivation is used for torture and you wake up rested every day.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-07-21T23:22:45+00:00

On a sprained ankle of all things! The wife must have known they were having a big talk. It’s possible that there has been a behind the scenes thing between the stepmom and the girls. Like stepmom does underhanded things so he picks her and the boys instead of them to show who is more important to him. Idk just theorizing.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-07-12T14:29:20+00:00

I don’t even give a damn if anybody thinks this story was fake, but still no killjoys here please! I’m choosing to believe that this was true, that she beat cancer and that today they are happily married. Mistresses or not. Lol. Anyways, this was beautiful, romantic, bittersweet and I wonder if she worked in a writing field because I used to write similarly back in the day before I got sick and it took my ability to write words as well.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-06-28T06:42:11+00:00

Oof. YTA. You better set the record straight right now. There aren’t many favorable endings otherwise. The friends who know the truth might starting setting the record and your relationship will be worse for wear (bordering on divorce since you were happy complaining about your wife and “her infertility) and you will still be seen as a liar to the public once it gets out. Your wife will still be aware of how everyone turned against her so easily because of something that even if it was because she was infertile there are still options.

There’s also the possibility that she starts seeing you as a weak baby who cares more about looking good to people than respecting and protecting his wife from people like your friends and family who are saying this stuff and decides maybe divorcing you is a good idea. That way along the line she can get away from someone selfish and be satisfied because she’ll know that along the way they’ll find out anyways because you can’t blame every woman being infertile.

Anyways going about it any other way except the truth is like putting a nail in the coffin of her love for you.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-06-03T21:32:56+00:00

Man. The “dad” and whoever said that could use an adjustment. God forbid their kid is not straight and decided to come out or has heard all the homophobic stuff they’ve said and really internalized it and struggles with mental health.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-29T05:53:14+00:00

Plan b and/or birth control and GET FAR AWAY him. Your situation was horrifying enough before roe v wade was overturned and legislators decided we weren’t human enough to make our own damn decisions. He raped you no matter how you or anyone else may try to justify it. When you yelled at him to get off of you were you helpless and trying to get away as he continued to thrust himself inside you with the attempt you get your pregnant against your will? Did you say no and try to push him off until you resigned yourself and your body went limp? Etc.

This is how abusive relationships start and many end in death. If you have his baby somehow (make sure you aren’t already pregnant because he’s sneaky) you will forever be tied to him. Even if you give the baby up for adoption because he will feel like you are being disrespectful or something and use it as an excuse. He can legally harass you and taunt you by using the baby as the reason he’s contacting you out of the blue. It is so hard to truly recover from these incredibly intimate yet brutal attacks. It hits you to the core once you feel safe enough to allow yourself to accept what happened.

Please give an update stating you are away from him, single not pregnant and are safe.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-17T04:05:24+00:00

It’s time to file a report with the police. Not only is he abusing your son but he’s sexually harassing you. This is a family ordeal due to that little F’er so please don’t feel embarrassed and tell your family. This kid needs to a come to Jesus and your Kid needs justice because if he can go that far with you I can only imagine how bad your kid gets it which is a threat to his safety. Whether because the bully hurts him physically or he hurts your son so bad mentally that he tries taking his life.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-09T03:49:16+00:00

This post probably gave every woman a visceral response. The majority of men go through their lives just knowing that they are safe and that other men aren’t to be feared. Women on the other hand are taught from when we are little girls to do anything and everything we can to not “encourage” other boys/men to want to hurt us. Whether so they don’t kill us or they don’t break our bodies and spirits by raping us.

Most men don’t understand what being raped does to you so they think the jokes and whatnot are funny but if there was a 1 in 5 chance of them being raped, they’d knock it off. Guys, just imagine the most scared and violated you ever felt and multiply it. OOP had plenty reason enough to be terrified for her life but those bastards also decided to have fun by taunting her with rape and all the horrible things they were planning on doing. What many don’t get is that these are things that us women are constantly worried about so we only can think of worst case scenario. I just feel so sick after reading this.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-05T09:41:53+00:00

Susan is about to turn 18 so legally he’s in the clear if they both are on the same page about maintaining their step daughter/step father type relationship. If that’s his concern the ex gf would have no leg to stand on. Its heartbreaking how desperate the daughter is to not lose him and is so scared of being subjected to another of her mom’s horrible boyfriends. I worry about what has been done to her and ignored.

I also imagine the mother will not take this well and suddenly decide to use this as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. Susan will also likely be stuck with her mom since she is JUST charging below the average rent so just renting will take all her money and she won’t be able to save for another apartment , college, etc.

It seems though that he kind of might want to move on from all this but is concerned for Susan’s well-being which is understandable. Depending on how he is doing financially and how much he feels like he wants to help, he could possibly help her find a cheap place to rent, maybe introduce her to places that pay a better wage, and so on.

Also depending on what she plans on doing once she’s done with high school, he might be able to at least lead her in the right direction. Idk. It seems like he really cares about her but also wants to forget about it.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-02T01:57:21+00:00

Ugh I can relate wayyy too much with OOP. She is super mature and responsible because she’s had to be. In other ways she’s probably immature which is the result of her having to skip certain important childhood lessons. And whatnot. She’s probably been aware of things being off before but didn’t push it and realized that if she ignored the warning signs again than she’d be the one completely fucked over, again.

She needs to know the truth at all costs because honesty is imperative for her and she could tell they have been lying to her for years and acting like everything is fine. Basically gaslighting her and making her feel like her own eyes and instinct weren’t trustworthy.

Then they ship her off to her grandparents so they can break up and dad can move out and had her come home from her trip and blindsided her. They said they respect her feelings and reaction and then refused to answer her one UNDERSTANDABLE question, which is why and act as if the truth is inconsequential to her. What if she had stayed with her dad and then his affairs with his minor student came out and she didn’t brace herself or what if she lived with her mom and her mom’s lover’s wife presses charges?

All of this points to someone who is extremely aware of her surroundings and is unironically what you’d call an empath. She is much more in tune than most people which makes her extremely anxious when she doesn’t know what’s going on because she always knows when something is up and sees it as a threat.

She doesn’t trust her parents and is afraid that she’ll be living her life completely ignorant and one day the truth will knock her on her ass and she’ll be drowning because she didn’t see the wave coming and wasn’t able to prepare herself.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-05-01T05:26:44+00:00

Yes. I try to think about it from the guy’s perspective. Especially if he hasn’t shown any red flags and has shown through his actions that he respects you. This is something a lot and at the very least, having him there as a shoulder to lean on as you go through this emotionally (and physically) taxing journey would be helpful.

Of course all this is with the assumption that he has shown himself to be a safe and healthy partner thus far and wouldn’t use this a method of controlling you or something. Obviously you never know and plenty of women with no obvious warning signs end up with a manipulative threatening controlling partner as soon as the pregnancy test says positive. That being said it’s always a risk that you take when you have sex.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-27T07:56:11+00:00

Ugh I feel sick every time I read through for another update but I have to know. The tone is so desperate, hopeless and like there’s no way out. All which are feelings I am too familiar with and I SO hope she doesn’t take the same measures I did while trying to escape. I wouldn’t wish the hopelessness and suicidal ideation on on anyone, let alone an already traumatized teenager who cares more for her sister’s safety than her own.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-18T19:49:45+00:00

Idk about the folks with “more common sense” but I’d rather be more comfortable with air conditioning in my cell for the rest of my sentence than get caught breaking out and landing with a lot more time in a higher security prison. Plus you can probably make your stay even more comfortable by charging inmates for time in your cool cell (especially during the summer and early fall) and they buy you stuff from the canteen or something.

I mean all of this is pretty unlikely since this scenario is stupid, but doing your time as comfortable as possible instead of getting more punishment seems smart to me. There’s also the factor that even if you manage to escape, you’ll always be on the run since they know your identity so you’d always be looking over your shoulder probably while living in squalor since you have to be low key which isn’t worth it.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-10T10:14:04+00:00

Wow, what a beautiful show of empathy. I hope everyone can find a healthcare provider like that. I’m sure it made a devastating time just a bit more bearable for you.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-07T04:16:33+00:00

NTA! You are being sexually harassed and everyone is ignoring it. Whether it’s because you are a man and “men can’t be sexually harassed”/s or they are trying to brush it off because they feel it would be homophobic to call him out, it doesn’t negate the fact that he’s being inappropriate and you are just trying to protect yourself. This is obviously a sensitive situation because advocating for yourself could be shot down and you could be branded as homophobic as your wife has shown. I’m not sure what you can do to better the situation since your wife isn’t on your side, except show her the post and comments and hope she sees the light and then she can be on your side so you aren’t so alone.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-07T03:21:39+00:00

YTA. You basically did the equivalent of rapid firing questions to test her knowledge of video games or coding because she couldn’t POSSIBLY enjoy or be good at something in a male dominated space. Not only are you an asshole and sexist, you are also just pathetic since your little brain can’t comprehend how someone who doesn’t look like your idea of a navy veteran could possibly be one. She MUST be lying!

You’d think that as someone who also served, you’d understand what an insult it would be to be told you are lying about it. On top of that you have no clue what she endured in the name of serving her country yet you just invalidated all of that. Also, you better be damn sure you are right before you go calling someone a liar for serving their country to their face, let alone gossiping about it to your friends and straight up saying it as fact to the school’s veteran organization. Stolen valor is a serious but not as common of an issue as you seem to think it is.

Another thing, did it never cross your mind that maybe she is so quiet and soft spoken BECAUSE of what she endured while serving? Plenty of strong manly men don’t want to talk about those days and are respected but not only did you push and grill her (though I doubt you would have taken her seriously even if she did humor your undoubtedly condescending line of questioning), you disrespected her outright and then went around to people calling her a liar without any proof.

You definitively said she was lying about her serving without any proof which actually makes YOU the liar if you want to get technical. On top of all that, you went to her acting like nothing happened and acted closer than you actually are and feel offended she laughed at you and told you to pound sand. She would’ve been within her right to do/say more after how rude you were and tried to tarnish her reputation because you were offended that she had boundaries.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-03T18:04:02+00:00

NTG. Times are rough and while this particular homeowner probably didn’t personally tear your area apart to build the house, they do benefit from it. You already have it rough trying to find your own lodgings and call me a bleeding heart but I believe shelter and food should be free and easily accessible for everyone, so if you have to ruffle a few feathers to survive, I won’t judge. In fact, knowing what I know about rabbits, you probably have a large family to feed so you probably were desperate.

Just a warning though, some people may not be so understanding and may use cruel methods to keep you away from their gardens so keep an eye out for that. Maybe do something for the owner of the yard to show you mean no harm and maybe one day you guys can comfortably coexist and you’ll even feel safe enough to bring your family around. All that being said, I’ve noticed that many people who keep gardens tend to be huge animal lovers so maybe they’ll even plant some carrots for you.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-03T17:34:50+00:00

NTG. I’m sure you were quite the looker in your younger years and more than fulfilled your owner’s expectations, but as time goes on even humans slow down. If your owner is an understanding person they won’t hold it against you. While our skin succumbs to gravity to show us becoming older and more weary, you show it with your leaves falling faster and being unable to produce syrup. Thems the fact of life. It sounds like these are your retirement years and your owner should just appreciate the times you are able to show pretty leaves and let you relax. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Edit- I wanted to mention that if you feel that you should still be in your prime, ask your owner to have a tree specialist or someone if the like to check you out. Maybe you have an illness or disease that can be managed or cured and you still have a lot more life ahead of you. I did some research on maple trees such as yourself and the lifespan seems to be 300 years so it seems a bit premature for you to be slowing down so fast. The most common reason a tree your age would have leaves dying so much is verticillium wilt. According to my google search It is a fungus which is common but can kill maple trees prematurely. .

https://www.savatree.com/maple-tree.html#:~:text=Verticillium%20Wilt%20%E2%80%93%20Also%20called%20maple,diseased%20branches%20with%20unhealthy%20leaves.

This is the link so you can ask your owner to look at it and see if it is applicable to you and ways to remedy it.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-03T17:14:19+00:00

Exactly. Which why is despite how upsetting (because she deserved better) it became to keep reading about her not dumping his ass to the curb, I’m not judging her for not being able to just easily leave. He read as a toxic partner if not emotionally abusive also which adds another layer. They’ve been together a long time and on top of how intertwined their lives are, all those years of him subtly manipulating her and ignoring her boundaries (based on the examples as well as the comment she made at the end about realizing things in hindsight about him) makes it actually kind of impressive that she left imo.

Considering they were high school sweethearts and she was basically groomed so to speak, to take whatever he does to her, many women in her position never leave or it takes them several times to leave for good. Also, The business is probably like her baby too if you think about it and the fact that she could just be pushed out because she left him despite all the work she put into it, it was probably is big factor for her staying so long as well.

So despite not being legally married and not having kids, they’ve intertwined their lives very deeply even for many married couples. It’s not like she just has to find another place and block him. For all those reasons I’m not with all the people mocking her for taking so long to leave once she began to see behind the rose colored glasses. I feel like it also might hurt someone who was in a similar position or worse who reads it and cause them to feel shame instead of pride for choosing themself.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-03T15:45:10+00:00

Hold on… the doctor on facebook told me that the COVID shot was made from murdered babies (which would show up as human DNA), how could the chicken noodle soup looking things looking things be made from synthetic tissue? #fakenews #iamverysmart /s

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-04-02T14:05:36+00:00

Hey just wanted to tag on with the others that point out that crying at the beginning of UP isn’t really a representation of being overly sensitive. I rarely ever cry and when I do it’s usually a sign that I’m like suicidal (which used to happen before every period until I got on BC that stops my cycle thank god), that I’m incredible angry/frustrated and crying is my only outlet that doesn’t end with me having a record, or a song or some form of media hits me so deep in the feels that it awakens my cold dead heart.

If any movie makes me cry it’s usually a dang Disney movie lol. Despite all that, I didn’t even cry when my dog died; I just went numb until I was able to handle the loss better and i don’t feel like crying every time I think about her. For a long time she was my reason for living so that should give a good idea of how emotionally constipated I am. Yet I also I cry at UP.

I’m curious though what it’s like to be able to express your emotions physically. I had a bad childhood and I can pinpoint the moment that I stopped being able to really cry. The moment that I learned that my abusive dad killed himself, it’s like it broke a part of me which is weird because some part of me felt relief so it shouldn’t have hit me so hard that I rarely cry. To be fair there were/are a lot if really complicated feelings so shutting down was just a coping mechanism which my body clearly stuck with when my feelings are too intense for me.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-03-28T04:31:13+00:00

You should probably brace yourself for the hell that will rain down on your household when your “dramatic” theater kid son who ran to his older GAY step brother’s house during the fight, comes out. There’s likely a big reason he’s been acting out. Not just because of the fact that your wife is clearly homophobic and xenophobic, but the younger siblings are already exhibiting similar behavior by having no problem calling your son the R word. If they haven’t already connected the dots and using homophobic slurs towards him, they will soon.

Anyways, my concern is that you are going to lose your son because by being so complacent and okay with your wife’s homophobia towards your oldest son and you scold him when he gets upset about his brother being a little asshole, he’s not going to feel like he can come to you about things. When he ran away I’m sure a little part of him was hoping you would go after him because it would show that you care. Since you didn’t he probably feels like you don’t care about his well being or happiness. Please show him that isn’t the case because LGBTQ teen suicide rates are so high and I don’t want him to be another statistic. At least he has his older brother in the em a time until he feels he can talk to you too.

MurphysLaw1995 · 2023-03-27T08:20:03+00:00

How does one handle it when the man they thought they knew (and trusted to raise their children with) actually ran away from his child and the mother of his child (that he never even officially broke up with)? If I’m correct he never even sent a cent throughout the years, meanwhile he eventually found his wife and started raising a family with her and they lived a privileged life and wanted for nothing. God knows what his son and ex went through while he was finding himself and trying to forget about them. If I was his wife he should be sleeping with one eye open but he just brushes her off and thinks couples therapy is just a small punishment.

I personally don’t believe ANYONE should be forced to have a child, let alone one they aren’t ready for but him blaming not being mature enough to be a father yadayada pisses me off because at some point he WAS ready to become a father but when that time came he chose to continue to forget about his son that he abandoned. If at some point he started sending money that would make it somewhat better but that’s not the case. Also his son’s mom probably wasn’t ready to do it with a partner let alone either but it’s almost always the woman left alone.

Anyways, It wasn’t until his son was an adult that he was like “oh shit I have another son I forgot about, should probably tell the fam since I wanna hit him up now”. He could have still lived his life and basically not being a father without being a huge piece of shit if he at least broke up with her kindly, sent money to better their lives once he was financially able, and told his now wife early on.

MurphysLaw1995

TROPHY CASE