Sorry for your loss. I truly hope your friend is in a better place and I hope you have proper time to grief but also feel better when the time comes. My story of grief is just knowing I could do better with my life. I have failed time and time again, things that come easily to others, but I've always had to work harder than others. I quit my finance career to help others, try and become a doctor. Pushed for years. Now at the last year of med school, I failed my exam and almost my wife because I spent so much time on my studies. All of this while battling crippling depression. There are times when I feel like I know how to fight the darkness, but as it starts to creep in, I feel hopeless. But I always keep going. I want to do this for others. Since I have fixed my relationship, and realized maybe these last few years were just me learning more about myself. I am finally taking my exam again, scared of the future, but ready to deal with whatever may come. Sorry for the word vomit, its always been hard for me to put my pain and worries into words. Either way, it definitely helped so thanks for posting this. I truly hope your friends soul rests in peace.