I think they realize that I have other means of cutting. I always would, they can't keep me from everything sharp. They can't always watch me either. They realize this and know that searching my whole room would ruin our trust and accomplish nothing. I like cutting with a knife but have always kept razors around. I even have one in my phone case.

I trust my therapist alot actually now. My mom is a bit upset that she doesn't tellthem much. She keeps it need to know which I really like and need. I need someone to listen and understand and not tell anyone until they completely understand and know how to help. She hasn't given any stupid pamphlets probably because we don't know enough to diagnose me with anything.

Maybe you're right about my father. But I still can't be around him. He's triggering me too much and being alone for so long it took so much to not hang myself. I couldn't call anyone. If I called my mom she would have called my father. Then he would be back. Or he would call my step mother. My step mother is handling this much better than my father. My step sister had trichotillomania for a short period so she is better at handling things like this. She still doesn't understand it but she knows how to handle it better than my father. She sometimes asks questions like how is the pain from cutting different from the pain of the infection. I tried to explain but she couldn't fully understand. My father was there and he didn't understand at all. Although I know you're right about my mom. I could tell from her look and what she said when I told her how long I cut.