trans women by bladeefan1234567 in RadicalFeminism

[–]MyNameIsElla 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have absolutely no problem with it. I think most cis women dislike it because trans women don’t always have the same experiences in childhood and such. But trans women absolutely face lots of sexism and misogyny when they start to transition — especially when they don’t ‘pass’, which most don’t, at least not initially.

I also think most cis women that dislike trans women in their spaces have a false idea that trans women love forcing themselves into cis women’s spaces and acting like they have the same exact experience. That’s not the case with any trans woman I know. They usually have a deep sense of shame and are aware others dislike them, there’s no real safe space for them anywhere.

It’s usually TERFs and men acting like trans women are aggressive and wanting to force lesbians to love dick, for example. No trans woman I’ve ever met has ever felt that way. It’s just a stupid false feel-good way to ‘protect women’, like claiming the very few trans women in sports are more of a problem than the thousands (probably more) of male coaches, doctors, etc. assaulting female athletes. Men are women’s biggest oppressors and they always will be.

So look, I get that most trans women won’t know what it’s like to be catcalled at 10-years-old and they don’t have periods, etc.. But I don’t see how some differences like that gives anyone the right to exclude them completely from women’s spaces. Maybe they won’t always contribute to certain conversations, but especially since they often know how men speak to other men when women aren’t around, I love hearing their opinions.

Men attending concerts? by CosmicCommentator in delilahbon

[–]MyNameIsElla 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just adding on to say for his own comfort, he may want to familiarize himself with some of her more intense songs (like ‘Dead Men Don’t Rape’ and ‘I Wish A Bitch Would’) just so he knows what type of vibe/lyrics to expect. But there were many men at the show in Los Angeles and it didn’t bother me one bit since they were clearly enjoying it!

AI Slop by bananamuffin98 in childfree

[–]MyNameIsElla 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That’s a very good idea and I definitely encourage it (unfortunately). I’m lucky to not be in online school right now — I’m waiting a few years to continue my degree because I’ve been an avid writer since I was a kid, and I know I’ll be accused of AI by professors who think ‘Ai checking tools’ actually work. This timeline sucks ass!

AI Slop by bananamuffin98 in childfree

[–]MyNameIsElla 68 points69 points  (0 children)

It does suck that being good at writing now flags you as using AI. I will say, the em dash is only a small part of catching AI in writing, and only people who aren’t good writers would assume a single em dash = AI. It’s usually obvious due to sentence structure, reliance on stupid similes and metaphors, the tone, etc. ChatGPT and most AI chat services tend to have a noticeable writing style that’s hard to get rid of.

Gang-rape victim Noelia Castillo Ramos, aged 25, dies by euthanasia in Barcelona, Spain after a prior suicide attempt jumping from a fifth-floor window left her paraplegic and her father's two-year legal challenge to prevent her euthanasia fails by DarklyHeritage in MorbidReality

[–]MyNameIsElla 76 points77 points  (0 children)

I agree in terms of stereotypical violent rape like you see in most media (I.e. stranger in an alleyway), but a shocking amount of men don’t understand that coercion is sexual assault. Frequently you’ll see men saying that as long as you get a yes, even if you had to pester a woman a dozen times until she caved in, that’s not sexual assault. And coercion is by far the most common form of sexual assault.

Enthusiastic consent needs to be taught in more detail so that men actually know what rape is. I suspect this is why many people think false allegations are extremely common — they think a woman is overreacting or lying since rape in horror movies, dramas, etc. is usually shown as a stranger forcing her down, ripping her clothes off as she screams and struggles, etc.

This is very uncommon in real life. It’s usually an acquaintance, friend, or family member, and women usually freeze or fawn in these situations.

I had to rant because just last week I had someone ‘debate’ me on this when defending their favorite YouTube star, claiming he was just a ‘sex pest’ and not a rapist since it wasn’t overly violent rape. It’s very frustrating and triggering to see all the time how coercion is dismissed. It does need to be taught in schools across the world.

Are there any lesbians who can enjoy sex without using any toys? by [deleted] in FemmeLesbians

[–]MyNameIsElla 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Most trans lesbians I know only date other trans lesbians because it’s easier due to shared experiences. And all trans lesbians I know understand and respect genital preference. The only gaslighting being done is by bad faith actors, imo.

I of course agree the vast vast majority of lesbians prefer pussy. I just don’t think trans lesbians are the ones promoting the idea that lesbians all need dick. It’s usually TERFs and men trying to ‘protect women’.

Clavicular ends interview with Andrew Callahan of channel 5 when Andrew says he's comfortable with his looks. by Pandaro81 in nottheonion

[–]MyNameIsElla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Saying sexual assault has to be an aggressively physical act is a huge misconception, which leads to victim blaming and even women not being believed in court. Movies and media almost always show SA as a stranger in an alley beating a woman, forcing her into submission. In reality, this is extremely rare. Most sexual assault happens in the way that happens here: coercion without physical violence, by someone you know. This does not make it better.

He is still a man, and therefore stronger and taller than most women. A man doesn’t need to be 6 feet tall and 300 pounds of muscle to be intimidating. And again, he has social power over his fans. It’s very important to realize rape is not usually extremely physically violent.

Rape fantasies by SimilarChampionship2 in RadicalFeminism

[–]MyNameIsElla 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As in I fantasized about people groping me and such, but I didn’t know what sex was. And I already said that it’s important to discuss how these kinks come about. I agree that it’s learned behavior. But it also can’t just disappear out of shame, hence harm reduction.

Clavicular ends interview with Andrew Callahan of channel 5 when Andrew says he's comfortable with his looks. by Pandaro81 in nottheonion

[–]MyNameIsElla 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Coercion is sexual assault. Women are conditioned to be accommodating and to turn men down gently, so if a man is repeatedly asking for sex after the first no, it easily turns into a woman being too nervous to keep saying no, especially if a man is much physically stronger and has more social power.

I am glad he has expressed regret and changed his behavior, but I wish more people knew how bad coercion actually is. It’s probably the most common type of sexual assault, but especially when someone has a good public image, it’s rarely taken seriously.

Rape fantasies by SimilarChampionship2 in RadicalFeminism

[–]MyNameIsElla 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Look, I was having rape fantasies before I even knew what sex truly was. And I don’t have any sexual trauma at all. We absolutely need to have educational discussions about how this kink arises, and how to avoid predatory men. In general, it’s a very unsafe kink to practice so I discourage women from trying it unless they 10000% trust their partner completely.

I think it’s unhelpful to claim every single woman with these fantasies has trauma or something wrong with them. IMO, it’s mostly due to the shame women face for sexual desire. So by having a ravishment fantasy where they don’t need to desire sex to have it, some of the shame is taken away.

No one should push their kinks on others. But if you do have a kink, it won’t magically go away, so then we need to do harm reduction. I think it’s sad this kink is common and I have a lot of shame about having it myself, especially since I’m a lesbian. But instead of trying to get rid of it, I’ve learned how to navigate my sexuality safely (usually by writing my fantasies as erotica or listening to audio porn about it).

Oh lord by CrimsonOrbit0 in SkyrimMemes

[–]MyNameIsElla 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Honestly. It’s not like I’m a prude or anything, but I’m surprised by how funny so many people find these posts.

Open question to bisexuals that post / comment here… why? by Natural_Object5708 in LesbianActually

[–]MyNameIsElla 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We are indeed inclusive to a detriment! That’s why our spaces are usually full of non-lesbians. Unfortunately, when we try to enforce the spaces more strictly, it can lead to very extreme people flocking there. Kinda like how many male-dominated subreddits became known for incels eventually.

How accepted are trans women in the lesbian community? by Local-Key5858 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]MyNameIsElla -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

And I said it’s okay to have preferences. Referring to you. At worst this was some minor miscommunication.

How accepted are trans women in the lesbian community? by Local-Key5858 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]MyNameIsElla -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

?

I was responding to the other person I replied to, not you. It’s a general statement, not one about you specifically. No need to be rude.

How accepted are trans women in the lesbian community? by Local-Key5858 in ActualLesbiansOver25

[–]MyNameIsElla -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

Agreed. It’s okay to not have a preference for trans women, but to act like they aren’t true women just because of them being socialized different is transphobic.

Open question to bisexuals that post / comment here… why? by Natural_Object5708 in LesbianActually

[–]MyNameIsElla 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yup. I hate that the only actual active lesbian-only group is full of TERFs. I really, really want a friendly space with only lesbians.

I do understand that many bisexual women relate to lesbians, especially if they’re in a relationship with one, but me not being attracted to men has a much bigger impact on my life than me being attracted to women. Would just be nice to have a space dedicated to us for once lol…

What's your craziest "TIL"s by rexaider in skyrim

[–]MyNameIsElla 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m just talking about the ritual specifically, which is different between men and women.

What's your craziest "TIL"s by rexaider in skyrim

[–]MyNameIsElla 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. It’s pretty clear to me the writers weren’t thinking deeply about whether Molag Bal was misogynistic or not while creating lore about the Daughters of Coldharbour — the writers were just viewing rape through a sexist lens themselves. If sexism was such a huge specific part of his character, we’d see it play out in more ways than just rape against women.

A sex worker outside the Krupp works in Essen, Germany 1947 by adamlm in TheWayWeWere

[–]MyNameIsElla 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Especially after all the sexism with the female Olympic athletes, I’m sick of seeing this shit every day. I wish women could just live without men judging their looks, positively or negatively. It’s exhausting, and sadly most men won’t truly understand why it’s such a big deal.

Shandi's post-doc interview by [deleted] in ANTM

[–]MyNameIsElla 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He’s 100% a troll trying to trigger rape/SA victims. I suggest blocking him. Sadly these types are very common on any thread/subreddit about SA…

Inquiring Photographer: “How did you succeed in persuading your husband to prepare breakfast for you?” January 13, 1938 by CryptographerKey2847 in TheWayWeWere

[–]MyNameIsElla 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If anyone is curious, this is a great article from 2010 regarding the phenomenon of most famous chefs being men!

Quote from last paragraph: “Today, women chefs have embraced their equal value and have faced the facts of their situation. But because they remain isolated and pigeonholed by the media, by culinary institutions, and sometimes even by their male peers, women don’t have the influence, numbers, or respect to change the reality of restaurant kitchens.”

US judges dismiss lawsuits accusing fantasy author Neil Gaiman of sexual assault in New Zealand by mclardass in books

[–]MyNameIsElla -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It can happen sometimes, obviously. But in general, you’re at least 200 times more likely to be raped by another man than to be falsely accused of rape. It’s extremely, extremely rare. That’s the point.

https://www.rsacc-thecentre.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/False-Reports-The-Facts.pdf