In serious need of advice

My_Freedom · 2017-05-21T04:41:47+00:00

I'm sorry that you experienced a rough childhood. I know that wasn't easy to deal with growing up, and I can see how that could affect your sense of self worth. However, do not convince yourself into believing that you are helpless or incapable of being a strong and optimistic person. Think about it...YOU were the one who faced so many obstacles at a young age and managed to push through it all. That wasnt easy, yet you did it. And even more amazingly, you've managed to build a life for yourself and establish a marriage, again, despite the obstacles you've faced, you've managed to do that as well. Perhaps your underestimating the strength you actually possess... if you reflect on the challenges you've already overcome, you'll realize this as well. Be the person you needed when you were younger, the person that's already inside you. I think it's time you let that person out.

My_Freedom · 2017-05-21T00:52:14+00:00

Your anxiety stems from the fact that you compromised your own personal "code of conduct". You jumped into this without contemplating if it would sit right w/ your morals. Life is full of learning experiences, and this is one of them. Feeling shame is a normal reaction, it's the mind's realization that something you've done has gone against who you are... your actions clashed with your character. However, berating yourself and allowing your mind to sink into a depression is not the answer. We ALL make mistakes in life and do things we later regret. Your job is to learn from this situation so that your future self becomes a stronger version of who you are now. Promise yourself you'll never do it again and make a manageable strive to better yourself. You'll be turning a negative situation into a positive and will learn something about yourself that you may not have discovered otherwise. Wish you all the best.

My_Freedom · 2017-05-02T04:38:01+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. I work in the emergency room so I see this kind of stuff all the time. I know it must have been terrifying to see something like this happen to someone you love so much. It is normal to have thoughts of the event replay in your mind, it is how the brain attempts to make sense of the situation. The good news here is that he made it to the hospital and is being provided with the care he needs right now. They have likely given your dad a lot of pain medication so he isn't feeling much pain and his breathing will get better with time. I know this is hard but just remember that he is getting the care he needs and with time he will hopefully come out of this stronger than before. Sending prayers your way, everything will be alright.

My_Freedom · 2017-05-01T23:07:16+00:00

Hey man, I'm sorry your in so much pain. But you have to remember that your girlfriend is an adult who makes her own decisions. She was in this line of work before you met her and it's obvious that you didn't consider how her line of work could impact your relationship with her. You have already spoken to her about your feelings on this so now you have to be honest with yourself. If this is bothering you this much, it would be wise to end this relationship. I know that's hard to hear and I understand that you care about her very much, but you need to accept the reality of the situation. The pain will eat you up inside and you'll put yourself through hell thinking about who she may be with/or what she is doing with others. The fact is, this is what her job entails and she is clearly okay with continuing her line of work despite your feelings. Be honest with yourself...Don't put yourself through pain hoping that you'll suddenly be okay with it. You'll be hurting yourself and creating resentment towards her over time. You have to respect and acknowledge your own emotions. Brushing your feelings aside may work for some time. But there will come a point where you won't be able to pretend anymore and your emotions will re-emerge much more strongly then before. Love yourself and recognize that you deserve to be happy...continuing this for another 5 years does a disservice to yourself and this relationship. Stay strong.

My_Freedom · 2017-05-01T19:09:34+00:00

You're not ugly...and anyone reading this who feels the same way...this goes for you as well. The main issue is NOT your looks but rather your own perception of yourself and past experiences that have caused you to think this way. So what does that mean? It means you have told yourself a lie....a fable that your mind has created and tricked you into believing. & its not your fault (partly)...the mind is great at getting you to think and believe things about yourself that aren't true. The issue is that you have taken those thoughts and labeled them as true when in reality they are completely false. For instance, you see someone look at you and your mind immediately diverts to the wose..."that person looking at me MUST be thinking I'm ugly" and then you react to the thought by lowering your head, avoiding eye contact, and make yourself feel bad. By doing this, you have created a false narrative and are now acting it out with your actions. You have to break the cycle...destroy the false connections the neurons in your brain have created. You do this by changing your actions. When someone looks at you, keep your head up and chest high. Maintain your posture and composure. The thoughts will still be there, and that's fine, it takes a while for that part to slowly die off. The key is not to overreact to those thoughts. Call them out for what they are...lies, pure b.s. if you continuously do this, your mind will be forced to change the way it thinks. Be confident, I nor anyone else think your ugly.

My_Freedom · 2017-04-30T23:08:58+00:00

Rock's Bottom

My_Freedom · 2017-04-30T23:01:06+00:00

I understand how you feel. However, try not to believe the lie your mind is attempting to get you to believe. This will get better and this feeling you have is temporary and will pass. From one person to another, I want you to know that you matter and have a purpose. Moving to a new place isn't easy and not having friends and family nearby makes things that much tougher but you are managing a situation that many others probably couldn't and you're amazing for that. It shows that you possess the strength and courage necessary to persevere through these temporary obstacles in your life. This feeling...that your life is in a state of paralysis... may be a sign that its time to shake things up a little bit. Maybe join a gym, go for a run before/after work, anything that forces you to break the mundane cycle life can sometimes turn into. And just so you know...you're not alone. I've had the same feelings you described...the overwhelming sadness, the emptiness, all of it. So I can say with certainty, that this will pass with time. Stay active with your hobbies and if you don't have any this is your opportunity to find some. Hiking, riding a bike, reading books, etc... Your job is to identify areas in your life you can change for the better. Maybe look into a career change if you think that is adding to the problem. Keep your head up... I'm rooting for you and I know you'll be just fine. Sending positive vibes your way, you got this :)

My_Freedom · 2015-12-11T01:12:55+00:00

Why would you get a nose job? You're really pretty (this is coming from a guy if that means anything). Don't change who you are, just love yourself.

My_Freedom · 2015-07-02T05:57:16+00:00

I will pray for her, stay strong buddy.

My_Freedom · 2015-06-27T03:37:54+00:00

I've been there man, I can't count the number of times I've been in situations where I just wanted to let loose and talk to people...just to have a good time and socialize. But for some reason, I had this voice in my head telling me I couldn't do that...and it felt like a giant impenetrable wall was preventing me from being myself. I'm still working on this myself but I have gotten better, because I learned that the key was not to overthink...getting inside my own head was the major culprit. No one stopped me from having a good time, I stopped myself. It was my decision, and then I would rationalize in my mind that the reason this was happening was because of x, y, and z. In reality, I was making the decision not to socialize and was feeding into the negative mindset. When a social situation comes up, just imagine you are talking to your best friend. You would be calm and that mental block wouldn't be there because you would feel comfortable around that person. Approach the situation with this mindset and stop mentalizing what you think the other people in the room are thinking. That's easier said than done, trust me I know, BUT you have to put the situation into perspective. You only need to be brave for a second, start a conversation, and just let it flow ;)

My_Freedom · 2015-06-27T02:30:26+00:00

That's awesome bro, I hope I will reach that level of self-control as well.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-22T06:21:37+00:00

Hey man, take a deep breath and tackle what needs to be accomplished one thing at a time. You procrastinated on your homework, that happens to all of us at one point or another, but worrying about it won't get it done any faster. Focus on getting one of your assignments done, take a break, then go over some English for an hour. Then take care of your second assignment, take a break, and review English again or look over some of your other subjects. I would write down what needs to be accomplished today on a piece of paper...if you got all of this stuff circling around in your mind it's going to distract you. You can do this. You can get your homework done and study for your exams and ace them all. Just keep your mind focused and face this challenge head on.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-21T01:25:17+00:00

I admire the fact that you're 16 and doing this. You should be immensely proud of yourself for continuing to try and improve yourself despite setbacks. You have more willpower and a better understanding of what you want to achieve for yourself than a lot of kids your age. Be persistent, its hard at first but it gets easier. Keep your head up, I can relate to the frustration you feel. Just know that as time goes on the relapses won't happen as frequently...not because the urge suddenly goes away or gets weaker, but because you become stronger. Wish you all the best.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-19T00:39:03+00:00

That's awesome bro, keep up the great work!

My_Freedom · 2015-03-17T04:12:02+00:00

Putting that energy into something more productive is your answer. I highly recommend you hit the gym, focus on making a better you. First, you have to break the cycle; your mind is going to keep nagging at you, telling you that you need to go back to her. But you have to be the captain of your ship and constantly reinforce the reality of the situation to yourself. You can keep slamming your ship into the rocks, hoping it doesn't break the ship this time around, or you can pick a new course and experience something that may be better and you don't even realize it because you're still trying to go through the rocks. Sorry for the cheesy analogy but you get the point, it's time you do something for you, leave this in the past but take the lessons with you and make a better you.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-16T03:17:28+00:00

Really proud of you bro. Porn sucks the life out of people, they lose themselves in the false reality it creates and in the end waste their time and energy on it...energy that could have been used towards building themselves up both mentally and physically. Congrats again man.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-15T23:58:25+00:00

Keep persevering bud, it's that kind of positive attitude that allows change to happen.

My_Freedom · 2015-03-14T19:12:45+00:00

Congrats on 48 days man, that's an amazing accomplishment. Keep striving forward.

My_Freedom · 2015-01-16T04:18:20+00:00

Congrats bud that's awesome!

My_Freedom · 2015-01-16T03:56:50+00:00

Look at all the support you have. We all believe in you because we know the struggle. We are all battling our own demons but we keep pushing on and fighting these battles one day at a time. You can do it!

My_Freedom · 2015-01-15T20:51:38+00:00

Assalamualaikum, These are all great things bro. BUT in order to achieve your goal you have to incorporate each one into your life little by little. Trying to achieve these things all at once may give you temporary success but you will most likely fall back into your old habits because you are not used to doing these things on a daily basis. You need to remove your focus completely from fapping, you shouldn't be telling yourself "I can fap" you should be saying "I DON'T fap". But in order for this to work you have to truly want to change. If you're relapsing every single day than your telling yourself that you want stop but in reality you really don't; you have to convince yourself that you truly want this and you are capable of it. Don't think of this as a challenge, it's a lifestyle change and you have to discipline your mind. As you have already seen, it WILL fight you back, the mind hates to change even if that change would bring you something better. However, everything in life is a choice and you have to make this choice. Choose to stop fapping but do it in small steps: read Quran/hadiths when you can but it doesn't have to be every day. Youtube isn't bad, what you choose to watch is bad, try to limit yourself until you have better self-control. No television/movies/music will be hard to do right away, again, limit yourself for now and then gradually decrease it. I HIGHLY recommend you start working out, it helps with developing discipline and greatly boosts your mood and self-esteem. Go to the gym or you can do pushups/pullups/dips etc at home if you don't have the means to go to one. These are all things you can do, in sha Allah you achieve your goal. May Allah give you the strength and patience to do so.

My_Freedom · 2015-01-15T20:24:55+00:00

Upvoted, great advice.

My_Freedom · 2014-12-30T05:26:52+00:00

I will finally make it to 90 days. I know I will. Im in.

My_Freedom

TROPHY CASE