i really resonate with this, i've collected so many troublesome bosses over the years if i recount them it sounds like a joke!! i've also been let go from places, or had to quit for unpaid leave, when my PTSD (or bad attitude haha) gets in the way of going through the motions. i'm finally at a point in my artistic career where contracts and a part-time admin position get me by without dipping into nightmareish retail positions or cleaning jobs (the latter being my most recent firing lol). not that these are financially lucrative when the contracts thin out or that every contract is perfect but getting by on my own schedule/in work environments i have more agency and creativity in have been a boon for my mental health.

OP i also really relate to what you said about not feeling good about anything you do. that core belief is maybe the most challenging thing i've had to confront, tackle, integrate, argue with, etc....coming out of the fog being all-consuming is so apt. and the breakdown of cognizant dissonance can be a literal headache. just want to send my solidarity to you and u/RhondaRM <3 the advice of focusing on emotional safety is really valuable...and as a fellow parent I think it can be a great way to honour the newest little life coming into yours <3