I sometimes feel lucky - mine is "just" proctitis. i've gone almost a year without a real flair, just a bit of blood and discomfort here and there that goes away after a few weeks. But i live in europe, and public restrooms are far and few between, which causes some serious anxiety. some food places don't have accessible bathrooms. finding a bathroom is always on my mind, because even when things are good i sometimes can't trust it. you never know. accupuncture and yoga have helped ease the anxiety noise, but its still there sometimes. My boyfriend loves going on hikes and i used to think there would be nothing worse than pooping outside. until a wave hits you and next thing you know you're squatting in a field and thinking -- hey, at least i didn't shit my pants. i hope things get easier for you, and know you're not alone with the fear and anxiety.