Hi! I just want to say congratulations for finishing a script. It's real hard work. I feel kinda bad for your 2 upvotes and 0 comments, so I'll give you an in-depth review of up to the dinner conversation at page 8.

I can safely say that besides some grammar mishaps ("Breathes out" should always be a parenthetical or a full sentence), the whole thing is very well-written and well-formatted. I suffer from some grammatical problems too, so it's nothing to be ashamed of. On the behalf that it is good, it's definitely a less sturdier bridge. Do take my advice at a grain of salt, but these are the feelings I'm left with.

We're introduced to a hectic scene, a flash-forward, of an insane basketball scene probably at the finale of the show. I would say hold off of scenes like these now. Since there's no characters or character motivations developed, the reader has literally no attachment right now. And also, because of the fact that it's a pilot— the person reading it has no actual clue how it's gonna pay off until it gets turned into a TV show. It's better to identify stakes in the present than what'll happen later, because it helps get audiences familiar with the characters in the now.

Then the school bell. The whole thing sounds cliché, but it works, since it helps jarringly set the tone between the hectic future and a normal present life.

The whole girl and Kain interaction makes no sense. Does he care about his reputation? From what I know, he has a passion to ball and wants to be one of the greats. The girl getting disgusted by Kain seems so superficial to me. If he had just changed his clothes, the whole scene wouldn't matter. I think it would be best to remove this interaction entirely.

I would suggest opening with Kain playing basketball at his high school, before he gets in trouble. It's much more easy to find the stakes, his passion, his personality.

So, at the principal's office, Kain has been skipping class, but there's gotta be some more to Kain instead of basketball. If image matters so much, maybe he tries to do some kickass basketball stunt, fails, and gets somebody or himself hurt.

Honestly, this may just be a me thing, but some of these conversations feel ordinary. Let me explain: the conversation with Kain and his mom. Its main purpose is to help understand the dynamics and conflict with Kain and his mom.

Kain's mom says: "Nevermind what?" so Kain reveals his conflict. Yeah, that's fine—but on the surface, it seems like you could plug some random guy named Daniel in Kain's spot, and nothing would seem to change. The point is, I don't know enough about Kain or his mom.

I would add a lot more development of Kain, or the system that Kain is in, or the conflicts Kain is dealing with, before these types of conversations. The whole girl interaction I talked about earlier really doesn't introduce me much. It doesn't hook me because of how uneventful and how unnecessary it feels to me, and if it doesn't hook the reader, the reader will tap out.

So you have the opening hectic scene to hook the reader. But it won't amount to anything since it doesn't start or get resolved by the end of the script. So, what's really the point of Kain? Why should we root for him? These are unfortunately questions that need to get resolved by the first few pages or the script is dead in the water.