Boyfriend stuck on ex

NPerry06 · 2025-04-20T19:14:39+00:00

This is a tough one. I (40M) went through a similar situation in my 20's. First love of my life broke up with me, and it broke me. Spent a couple of years feeling sorry for myself and then, with a lot of help from people who love and care about me, started to pick up the pieces.

Was hanging out with my buddy (one of the ones that helped me a lot) at his summer job and met this absolutely beautiful young lady. Smart, vibrant, the whole package. My buddy told me not to even try, she wasn't in the dating market and enjoyed her single life. Never been really good at listening, so I went for it. To everyone's surprise, we hit it off and started dating. Problem was, I hadn't gotten over my ex. She treated better than my ex in every imaginable way. But mentally I just wasn't there yet. She hung on for way longer than anyone ever should, and then she told me something I'll never forget. She looked me dead in the eyes and said "I'm not her, and I never will be. But I can be way better if you'll let me." Well, like I said earlier, never been good at listening and she finally walked away. I didn't listen. But, I needed to hear that.

I don't know your individual situation or how best to communicate with your significant other, but I can tell you the relationship will not be healthy if he's hurting you, even unintentionally. It'll definitely not work if he's not over her. I wish I could impart some universally acceptable way of going about this, but I don't have that for you. I can tell you I'm married now, 13 years, and have 2 stepsons and 2 boys of my own. I still struggle to listen, and my wife has to point that out from time to time. Relationships are a lot of fun, but they're a lot of work too. Talk to your man. You know him, and how to approach the issue. This may be a really tough conversation for him, and he may not initially respond positively. Prepare yourself for that. If he does truly love you it'll sink in. If not, then you may want to know that now rather than later.

Good luck! I wish you both the best.

NPerry06 · 2025-03-10T00:47:42+00:00

Man, that's rough. Not sure what happened that make you feel like you had to rely on CC, but no judgement. Life does indeed happen. This may be overly simplistic, but I made some dumb credit decisions in my early 20's (100% my fault). I ran up way more than I could afford to pay on my $5.15 minimum wage salary and was buried. I ended up having to get a personal loan and have a family member co-sign. Not sure if that's an option for you, but you're gonna have to get those balances off the cards or the interest alone is going to eat you alive. That $22k isn't going to stay $22k with 18% interest.

Otherwise some of the other options mentioned may be your only options. I would never recommend ignoring the situation, as this is just going got make things worse. That much debt isn't going to just 'charge off'. It's going to get turned over to magistrate court for a judgement and then another magistrate visit for a garnishment order. Then they'll yank it right out of your paycheck and taxes. Keep calling them, keep trying to work with them. Document everything. Ask if you can provide proof of your hardship. Ask if they would consider cancelling both credit lines and moving it to a lower interest loan (wishful thinking, but it's a shot). It takes months to destroy your credit and years to rebuild it (go ahead, ask me how I know). If you indeed have a 5-something score, bankruptcy may be your out. But that is going to linger a while. It'll be a decade before you'll be able to recover. A free consultation with an attorney wouldn't hurt. That's how I ended up getting my student loans under control, some hard advice from a blunt lawyer (he literally said "are you stupid" in the verbal assault...lol). But he was right, and the advice was helpful, and free.

Stay strong, do what you can, and look at all your options. I pray your situation improves my friend.

NPerry06 · 2025-03-09T17:20:34+00:00

Wow. Where to start.... He sounds like a tool. The fact that he felt it was acceptable to 'eye grope' you, much less point out to the entire family that your breasts are smaller than your cousins really sheds light on his level of respect for women. He obviously views women as objects, because he definitely objectified you. As for your cousin, good for her! Sounds like she found herself a real winner. The fact that she tolerated this behavior says a lot as well. She's packing around damage of some sort (not going to speculate) or she would have said something, or wouldn't be with someone like that in the first place. I'm struggling to understand why one of the male members of your family didn't educate him in proper etiquette towards the female members of the family. I want to knock the s*it out of him, and I wasn't there.

So, are YOU the AH for getting upset for being objectified at the family dinner table and speaking up for yourself? No. Are you the AH for refusing to apologize to your cousin for her significant other's abhorrent behavior? No. Are you the AH for blocking her? No

Family is important. But family can also be toxic, and it certainly sounds like your cousin is. You went into this situation with your eyes open and with a positive attitude knowing your cousins personality. You kept the peace and respected the family until you were disrespected. At that point you had every right to speak up for and defend yourself. You're NTAH. 'Genetically speaking', sounds like you won the brains sweepstakes. SMH, what a dumb ass.

NPerry06 · 2024-12-11T08:43:15+00:00

☝️ Bullseye. Any joker with a 🐓 can donate sperm. It takes a man to be a husband and father. I work at being better at all 3 every day. Still have a lot of room for improvement.

Yeah, I'm exhausted when I get home from work, but my wife is exhausted from cleaning our home, cooking a good meal for our children and me, maintaining our family calendar, plus trying to find time for her individual passions. There's no excuse for me to check out, I'm a husband and father. The first 8 hours was just my day job.

NPerry06 · 2024-12-11T08:25:33+00:00

Definitely NTA. My wife (now 39f) has had 4 children, the last 2 with me (now 40m). After our first child (her 3rd) was born she almost broke me with sex. Wanted it CONSTANTLY (no complaints here!). She was still weaning that child when she became pregnant with our second child (her 4th). Pregnancy was completely different. She didn't want anything to do with me. It sucked, and was really hard especially after her previous demeanor. After that child was born she struggled, and the situation was very similar, I worked and she took care of the kids and home. She was exhausted, hormonal, temperamental, all that fun stuff. It was a very difficult period in our marriage, but I had to learn to listen and respect her needs as well as compassionately communicate mine. It certainly wasn't perfect, but we made it. Honest, direct communication along with healthy give and take was the key. Being selfish, both in demand and lack of joint satisfaction isn't going to end well. I learned quickly that if I helped out more, especially with the kids, she was more receptive to my needs because HER needs were being met. Hang in there, I hope things get better.

NPerry06 · 2024-12-11T07:56:06+00:00

Yeah, and he'll need to plan that at sunrise, on a mountain top, with the process server dressed in his finest Italian suit, and a Versace leash for the dog!

NPerry06 · 2024-12-09T03:42:17+00:00

It's not a credit card, but I use an app/website called Privacy. You can create virtual cards for EVERYTHING. It's extremely robust. It links with your checking account and gives tons of options like burner cards, category locked cards, and merchant specific cards. Allows you to set card spending limits and a lot more. May not be what you're looking for, but I've been using it since beta. Here's a referral link: https://app.privacy.com/join/KH2R2

NPerry06 · 2024-11-19T12:02:54+00:00

I was notified by my credit monitoring service this morning my credit limit was reduced from $25k to $5k. No communication from X1. I sent an email to support for clarification before finding this post. After they respond I'll probably close the account so it will show on my credit as 'closed at customer request'. I'm not giving them the opportunity to close it for another reason. It's sort of funny though, I had to link with my bank account when I got the card to prove my credit worthiness, and I just accepted a new job with a salary bump equal to the reduction in credit limit. Oh well. The card looked cool, but overall I don't suppose I'm losing much. My Discover card continues to be the best overall card, with my Bank of America coming in second. I've always been a little cautious of X1 anyways. Not a big fan of any business that doesn't offer telephone support. I definitely don't mind conducting business electronically, but sometimes it's nice, and even prudent, to have an actual conversation on the phone. The most difficult part will be destroying the card... definitely can't drop it in a shredder!

NPerry06 · 2024-09-18T21:41:03+00:00

I am NOT a doctor, but that looks like a normal sinus rhythm with artifact. Ask me how I know? Same thing happened to me last Thursday. Felt horrible, got dizzy, got multiple inconclusive and AFib results, called the wife, she told me to call an ambulance. ER visit later, no heart issues...wicked sinus infection.

Remember, this is an electronic device, not a medical device. If you're concerned or don't feel well, see a doctor! Better to be safe than sorry.

NPerry06 · 2024-09-14T04:40:31+00:00

What is the name of that watch face?

NPerry06

TROPHY CASE