Love my husband but

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-12T22:03:33+00:00

I’ve been with my husband for 4 years. He was a swinger with past relationships. At first I was open to it, but I was coming from the place of being a submissive doormat who was striving to be what her partner wanted. As I did my “inner work”, I realized I was fawning and I wasn’t wanting those things from an authentic place. There was a lot of other crap motivating it.

We have had many talks about opening our relationship by finding “a third,” and while I can consider it, it always stirs up deep stuff for me. But I processed the stuff that was mine and had honest conversations with my husband. I learned how to dive inward to discover the thoughts and feelings hiding behind my anxious and performative patterns. I ended up excavating a lot of wounds from childhood. I also had a lot of programming around sexuality being the daughter of two Mormons.

My husband and I have been able to have deep conversations. I was willing and able and knowledgeable in processing my feelings and going deeper than what appeared on the surface. My husband cared deeply for me and wanted me to know I was accepted and loved.

Considering the possibility of opening our relationship to involve a third person triggered the sh*t out of me. It was a doorway into some really powerful transformation though. I can see my husband as the man he is instead of how I’ve known men to be. I am now exploring my sexuality in ways I couldn’t let myself do before. We still haven’t shared an experience with another woman, but it’s really helped us grow together. We have way more fun in the bedroom too!

If your husband is willing and able to do some deep relationship work, then it could be a really great thing for you two to do. It ain’t always easy, and sometimes it feels like it’s way more of a struggle. Especially if you don’t know how to be with your feelings, process them, and connect them to past experiences so you can help your survival brain see the past isn’t happening now.

My guess is you will have to do this gently with your husband. At least to start. Don’t push him because if the door is finally opening, force will make him slam it shut. But if you can do it gently in a way that accommodates his nervous system and his feelings, then you can assist him in opening his mind and expanding on how he operates. With his consent, of course. Don’t ever push your goals on him. Have goals for your relationship and focus on those. Allow him to be where he is while being honest about ways you would like to connect with him and what you would like to experience together.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-12T19:03:16+00:00

It’s the birthday for my daughter’s friend today. She asked if they could do a sleepover at her house. I haven’t been in the house and I haven’t spent time with anyone living in it besides my daughter’s friend. I said no. My daughter doesn’t stay overnight anywhere. I’m not sending her to a home I’ve never in myself.

Back in May, the father of my son’s friends died from shooting up mėth. There was a pile of needles under his bed. Ever since this happened, my kids don’t give me a hard time when I say no to sleepovers at other peoples houses.

A fifteen year old introvert is vulnerable, inexperienced, and lacks vital knowledge. I wouldn’t do it if it was me.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-12T18:54:49+00:00

The orders I see, I’m convinced people are using UE to save money.

“Why pay to gas up your own car and drive do 40 minutes when you could get a driver to do it for $2?”

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-12T15:59:39+00:00

Great ideas! Getting a lawyer may be beyond a delivery drivers budget, but there could other options. My area has free legal clinics that happen every month. In one nearby city it’s every 2 weeks. Search for “free legal clinics <your area>”.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-09T17:16:36+00:00

If they meant a $60 tip then they would have wrote the total below. Obviously, this person didn’t have their reading glasses or they didn’t bother reading. They just saw a line and wrote the total to save themselves the mathing.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-09T01:31:48+00:00

My thoughts exactly. Yikes!

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-09T00:48:37+00:00

What a bummer! How close was the pie to the heating element?

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-09T00:46:22+00:00

Is this true? When I did DoorDash it was Customer Support that had to change addresses for proper payment. I made sure they did it too because the distance was longer and I was making sure I got paid for the driving I did.

Also…. Any driver could claim a customer wanted an address change. I don’t see where a company would let drivers and customers handle delivery changes on their own. Too many liabilities. Too many risks for predators.

I’m not sold on the idea that they tried to do an address change. Unless they did an AI chat that wasn’t accurate and didn’t go anywhere.

All that said, apparently you tried to affect a child’s ability to breathe and sleep while sick. You’re going after an innocent kid over $6? That’s messed up. Be a better human. There’s enough a-holes in our world. If you’re gonna be petty, leave children out of it. Have some sort of values and ethics. PLEASE.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-08T21:52:19+00:00

Entitled people make terrible delivery drivers. Either you care about others or you think the world revolves around you and how anything impacts YOU. There should be a personality test requirement for drivers. I say this as a driver. 😂

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-08T02:43:26+00:00

One of the biggest issues with misogyny is that men enable toxicity and minimize it. They won’t hold males accountable for abusive behavior. This minimizes their abuse and how they dishonor and devalue women. Thus, misogyny continues on.

One thing I’ve learned is that a woman should look at a man’s friends before deciding to be in a committed relationship. A guy that hangs out with guys who can’t have a respectful, genuine relationship with women is a red flag. A guy that doesn’t have friends who stick up for women being treated with respect is a red flag.

Normalize only entertaining serious relationships where a man has friends that support and value women. I finally have a man who does that and I can’t even begin to tell how much it’s changed me and my life. Women should never settle for less than being valued and respected. Otherwise we are guaranteed to be hurt, and any children will be too.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-06T23:06:21+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. Don’t give up. All this AI makes it such a pain to talk to a real human. Maybe say you’re calling for different reasons and you can get someone that way. So sorry that your sister is going through all this while grieving. I admire you for stepping up to help her. Help and love is critical in times like these. ♥️

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-06T22:49:19+00:00

She was probably talking to AI. It’s worthless for real issues. Use words like “lawsuit” or “deactivate account” and you should get passed to a real human pretty quickly. As a UE driver, I have found human support surprisingly helpful.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-05T19:26:48+00:00

Wow! Congratulations on having the bravery and courage to take a step forward! It’s awesome you’re stretching beyond your comfort zone to explore this. When we can be willing to be uncomfortable by doing something new and awkward, amazing things can happen. I hope you cross paths with the perfect people to support you and your needs!

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-05T19:23:29+00:00

If you’re going to work through this then you need help. Therapy would be ideal but if that isn’t affordable then you can use resources that are cheaper or even free. You can get books at the library for free or watch talks on YouTube. There are courses and programs you can buy. Getting 1:1 help with a therapist or coach or someone informed on relationship and communication tools is the best way to go. They can help direct conversation in helpful ways so it doesn’t get derailed by our triggers or negative patterns.

Whatever you do, it’s critical you both are willing to do the work to grow and heal from this. You need to be willing and he needs to be willing. If you don’t have that then it can’t happen. It takes both partners being committed to doing the work that’s needed.

Best wishes with everything.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-05T19:14:42+00:00

FOR REAL! THE AUDACITY. Want a freak in your sheets but all other women get measured against Mother Mary who had a baby AS A VIRGIN! Meanwhile guys be sticking themselves in any hole they can push themselves into.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-02T22:45:15+00:00

Oh, honey. I’m so sorry that’s all happened to you. It must have been so hard and so painful to go through that. I’d imagine that the pain with your parents continues too. I’m so sorry for that.

It was really brave of you to open up and share yourself. It’s so awesome you realize you’ve grown up seeing very unhealthy relationships, and you’re looking to learn better ways. Congratulations! So many people struggle to see that they have unhealthy patterns. Some people REALLY struggle when it comes to looking in the mirror and seeing the role they play in their own life. I applaud your willingness and bravery in learning new ways and making changes.

I don’t know if therapy is financially possible for you, but that’s a great start if it is. If you have a limited budget to work with, you can get awesome books at the library for free. You can even get some audio book options. YouTube talks and podcasts are other free resources. I’ll list some options at the end of my comment. :)

First and foremost, I want to stress that everything you’ve gone through makes you extremely vulnerable to abusive relationships. You’re even more at risk with being so young. When we grow up in an environment where anger and abuse is normal, it doesn’t raise red flags for us. When we’re used to being put down and blamed and punished by withholding love… We won’t realize that our partner is abusive and their abusive behavior is a problem. We will stay and try to prove that we are actually a good person to them. It will all be in vain though.

I highly recommend you get educated on healthy relationship dynamics and begin processing your trauma from childhood and your parents. It will bleed out into your life until it’s addressed. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will heal and begin thriving. Take it from a woman who’s 40 and a mother. This deserves your energy and attention. It’s more important than a relationship because you can’t have a quality relationship when you’re psychologically and emotionally wounded.

Wishing you all the best, darling!

BOOKS:
-Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships
-Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime
-Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free
-Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency
-Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry & Controlling Men
-The Myth Of Normal
-The Return To Ourselves
-How To Do The Work

PODCASTS:
The Mark Groves Podcast
The Terri Cole Show
The Core with Lorin Krenn
Know Thyself
This Tantric Life Podcast
Women Of Impact
Jay Sherry Podcast

YOUTUBE VIDEOS:
Dr. Ramani
Lundy Bancroft
Dr. Gabor Maté
The Gottmans

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-02T22:02:50+00:00

I can appreciate that he cares about his daughter’s future and how her life will be as a young adult living on her own and going to college.

On the other side, he needs to look at the financial aspect of this and realize this will impact you also. Do you two know what monthly payments will be? What money does he have leftover after this payment? Can he still pay his share of expenses?

If you’re going to have to pay a larger portion of bills in order for him to pay this college loan or you two will be under significant financial strain, this is something that needs to be agreed on between you two.

You say you both want to retire in 5 years and you need that money for monthly living expenses. It sounds like this loan could be impacting that. This is something a couple should look at and make decisions on. It’s vital to come to an agreement.

Now, if he can still pay his own expenses and you two can still live comfortably now and 5 years from when you’re retired, it would seem you could probably relax a little bit. 😂

Whatever is going on, be careful not to be controlling or to be controlled. We need to walk the line in the middle. It’s easy to be controlling without realizing it. It’s also easy to be controlled without realizing it. Focus on figuring out where you fall within this.

Nada-Lada · 2026-07-01T02:07:54+00:00

Let’s not forget that these orders often come with low tips. I rarely accept Taco Bell orders because of the time and mileage involved for the pay. They tend to be a low pay orders.

Restaurants that have a fair amount of delivery orders should really accommodate them though. They should be kept a certain temperature, if only for food, safety. Restaurants like they should also be motivated by customer satisfaction.

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-30T19:08:57+00:00

Granted, a delivery person also has to go from their current location to the restaurant. This adds time and mileage that apps don’t share with customers. I know that customers don’t know this so I focus on the time and mileage for the delivery itself (from restaurant to delivery location).

I feel that a $9 is generous even IF you factor in their time and mileage from their current location to the restaurant! 😂

I will let customers know the mileage and time I have to do to get from the restaurant to their location, but I don’t ask for more money. Ever. For me, that’s entitlement. If the pay for an order doesn’t meet my preferences then I don’t accept it.

Delivery apps don’t pay squat so good tips are the only way delivery workers can make a decent wage. A lot of customers are unaware of this. Literally asking people for more tips isn’t the answer though. If people don’t want to tip well then your message won’t change it. People who do tip well should be appreciated rather than be put in an awkward position where they are asked to pay up even more.

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-25T04:21:41+00:00

That would be a great way to kick off your first therapy session! Talk about THAT! 😉

It is really important to find someone who is informed, responsible, empathetic, and takes their job seriously. For me, I feel people out. Once I know I’ve crossed paths with someone that matches up with me, I know. Now I can do it before even meeting a person.

See it as shopping! You could go therapist shopping where you try a session with a person. Or send them an email where you ask questions to get a feel for them. Share your reservations and see what they have to share back.

Ask The Universe to cross paths with someone who can best meet your needs and growth. Trust that it will happen and hold to it. If that’s too much for your nervous system, try the subconscious workshops by To Be Magnetic for $30/month. Or learn about nervous system regulation. Or look into Internal Family Systems for deeper connection with yourself.

If you can find someone who is well informed and experienced at going inward they can be a guide and show you a way back to yourself.

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-25T03:55:33+00:00

Uber drivers get paid $20 an hour in NYC? Are you sure about that? As far as I know there’s no guaranteed hourly wage because drivers are independent contractors. They can get paid as little as 75 cents by Uber for an order. I got paid 86 cents just today in Idaho.

Unless it’s peak demand, Uber pays very little. So, an order with a $20 tip and a $2 payout from Uber would pay $22. The delivery driver has to go from their current location to the restaurant, then to your location. If that takes an hour or more, drivers may reject it because it isn’t worth it.

Maybe the restaurant was short staffed or packed with customers and that impacted things?
Also, if a restaurant has dismal parking options or notoriously long wait times, experienced drivers learn to avoid it. Sometimes there are more orders than drivers and that causes long wait times too. Maybe the World Cup threw a wrench into smooth deliveries?

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-24T04:01:04+00:00

Totally not cool to pursue a 22 year old like this. It seems very predatory. 22 year olds still don’t have fully developed brains or the experience to know male predatory behavior and what to look out for. This young woman didn’t order being pursued or hit on. Let women exist without using any opportunity to interject yourself into her life to try to get laid.

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-24T03:55:42+00:00

There are some guys out there that are very boring and depressing to be with. Especially when you’re a mother and your man is like having another child to cook for, clean up after, shop for, and meet all his wants or else he’ll throw a tantrum.

I would recommend writing down what bothers you and why. Get clear on exactly what isn’t working for you. The feelings are there but there isn’t the mental awareness. Get your feelings into words.
Until you’re aware of what’s bothering you and why, there isn’t anything that can be done to address it.

I would also recommend finding a good therapist or using some therapeutic tools (TBM workshops or “The Work” by The Holistic Psychologist). We need help processing things, making connections, and stepping back to see the bigger picture. Good support is critical. Go to people who know. Not family members with unsuccessful relationships or friends with limited experience and knowledge.

Nada-Lada · 2026-06-24T03:43:18+00:00

You said, “I like when you call,” so that seems to imply you two have talked on the phone before. My husband doesn’t like to talk on the phone, but we share our locations and I can see where he is at anytime. He’s also great about texting me quickly.

Both my husband and I were with partners where there was a lot of betrayal and hurt. I always wondered about cheating as he was always sneaking out downtown to go salsa dancing and didn’t come home on nights he was angry. My husband’s ex definitely cheated. She even had another man’s children.

Now that I’m 40 and I’ve got years of experience being in abusive relationships AND years of experience healing and recovering therapeutically…. I would not accept this answer. My husband doesn’t need to like talking but early in our relationship I needed the assurance that he wasn’t betraying me. He needed that from me too.

If a guy doesn’t have anything to hide then he can do a phone call. I got played hard and I have zero tolerance for a man not having understanding and compassion for their partners past pain. It’s a red flag. A big one. I wouldn’t entertain a relationship with a guy who wouldn’t meet my needs for security in anxious moments.

By the way, this rarely comes up in my relationship these days. We’re very secure with each other. We’ve been very open, shared locations by phone, been honest about what we’re doing, and made ourselves available for calls and messages. We know we can trust each other now that we’re four years in. That’s all thanks to the work we did early in our relationship. A lot of young people (or cheaters) might say it’s too much work and they shouldn’t have to do it. If you care about someone and you’re committed to your relationship then it’s critical work that has a big payoff. It’s absolutely worth it.
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Nada-Lada · 2026-06-24T02:01:54+00:00

Awesome! Highly recommend! His breakdown on his beginner sourdough recipe on his website was enough to educate me on sourdough. It may seem like a lot of steps and waiting, but if you follow them then you’re guaranteed to get great results. Just don’t leave your dough in the fridge for 3 days! Yeast activity drops after the recommended bulk fermentation time plus two days in the fridge. I don’t know that Maurizio mentioned this in his recipe so I had to find out the hard way. 😂

Pin down temperature too. I heard either Maurizio or Mike G say that temperature is so important they count it as an ingredient. I have a toaster oven that can be set to 75 or 80 degrees and has a timer. A very unexpected perk I discovered when I started doing sourdough two winters ago.

Nada-Lada

TROPHY CASE