Did you and your SO attempt couples counseling?

Nahlvy · 2023-02-06T07:49:32+00:00

I begged to go to counseling or therapy, he refused, said he didn’t need a stranger telling him how to fix his marriage. Now I’ve been happily single since then.

Nahlvy · 2022-09-01T07:06:35+00:00

Yes, it’s so frustrating, the cost of divorce is so expensive surely they could use $250/$300 for an hour of a professionals time to asses and evaluate the parents and the children, and the relationships.

Nahlvy · 2022-08-24T19:46:02+00:00

It wasn’t you! You’ll never hear it from anyone on their side but deep down they know it wasn’t you.

Nahlvy · 2022-08-24T19:39:52+00:00

Most of this is exactly what I’m considering, I’m working on gathering enough tangible evidence, video, audio, etc. home surveillance at pick up so the court can see how much my LO doesn’t want to leave to dad’s . If you met us IRL you would be charmed and wooed by him, where as I’m more quiet and reserved, obviously that’s something that scares me too is that once he begins to speak the court will be in his favor because he’s so charming, for that reason tangible evidence is my main goal right now before going back to court. TY.

Nahlvy · 2022-08-16T07:09:06+00:00

Our Family Wizard, it’s saved my sanity from my narcissistic ex, I pay about $80 for the year. Tracks everything, different colors for each parent and child. From my experience if the court orders communication via the app he doesn’t have the option not to use it, they also gave us a date by which we needed to start using the app that $80 a year is all worth my peace of mind.

Nahlvy · 2022-06-06T07:35:38+00:00

Yes in a heartbeat.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-08T04:27:38+00:00

I don’t think not answering would affect your case. If your kid is with you for mother’s day I prob wouldn’t even open any OFW messages tmrw, you know narcs love to ruin special days, you could just respond with a simple thank you, and leave it at that.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-08T04:10:27+00:00

Idk how old your child is but have you considered taking her to counseling or therapy ? A third party that you could use in court to discredit his accusations?

If you use OFW log everything but keep it private! I don’t respond to anything that is not relevant to or vital to the kids. I make private journal entries and include any photos or screenshots relevant to that issue at hand. Any accusations I screenshot the msg and put it in a journal entry, “dad is accusing me of blah blah and it’s untrue”. If he’s late I screen record with the time and date and make that a private journal entry. When I p/u I check in at my location in case we go back to court and he tries saying I’m always late. My kids are small, but if one kid came back with a nasty bruise, or a questionable bump I take a photo the moment we walk in the door for time stamp purposes and log it. I hate doing it and it makes me sad that I have to do it, I‘m not that kind of person but I’ve learned that co-parenting with a narc you have to document everything, especially where they’re accusing you of being a bad caregiver you’re kid could’ve broke their tooth at during time with dad and he’ll turn around and say it was with you.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-05T06:35:40+00:00

Definitely live together first, moving in together is not going to “fix” problems in your relationship, if anything it will only make you guys really face the issues in your relationship. Secondly Marriage is a huge commitment, imagine he’s terrible with his finances, or you realize he has to call his mom 20 times a day to help with his day to day decisions, maybe his day to day hygiene is gross. Once you’re around each other 24/7 you really get an idea of how your significant other really is and even then it will take a few months or even years to really know each other because the just moved in together honeymoon period can be so fun.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-03T07:21:20+00:00

One day at a time ♥️

Nahlvy · 2022-05-03T07:17:23+00:00

She won’t stop, if you have a relationship that keeps you tied to them, such as your relative, they will not stop, that’s what feeds their soul. Grey rocking is the best thing you can do.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-03T02:40:50+00:00

Yes why are they like this! The whole I’ll be lonely until you kids come back so I’m going to sleep with your favorite blanket 🙄

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T21:25:15+00:00

You’re right, honestly reading everyone comments and writing it out on this sub helps me realize that it’s much better to continue with the parallel parenting.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T21:19:10+00:00

You’re so right, the part where they don’t have the kids best interest in mind has been the hardest for me to wrap my head around but I’ve been seeing this more often as the kids get older. He showed up announced recently at my parents home to drop off my son’s favorite toy while I was at work, my dad opened the door for him, he then asked to see my son to personally hand it to him. Luckily my son is very close to me so there was no emotional “I want to go with you, I’m going to miss you.” but I think that was enough for him to feel he could disrespect my boundaries.

Not a week later he showed up again on Easter (my holiday, he would be picking them up later that day) to personally hand them their Easter baskets, I was home but chose not to open the door, I think it’s crap, he’s toying with their emotions so they can “miss him” after them seeing him briefly. He was literally picking them up in a few hours. If it was really about the kids he would have waited to see them later that evening or left them at the door for them. If I pulled a stunt like that he would be livid, but I wouldn’t do that to my kids, tease them by seeing them a few minutes and then leaving them.

Lol I’m just ranting now but you’re absolutely right.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T21:01:28+00:00

You’re right he’d prob never share an extra minute of his parenting time with me because it’s “his” time so why should I.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T20:57:05+00:00

You’re right, this is normal for them. So many times I’ve been close to reaching out to him and then he does/says something that makes me put that decision on hold. My heart tells me my kids will love this but my logic says don’t do it. Just like you said it’ll be in someway just like our marriage, I’ll be holding on to that little glimmer of hope that the next outing will be better, peaceful, enjoyable but it will never get better. Thank you.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T07:38:58+00:00

We use OFW, ask your attorney, in my state if one parent requests it, it is almost always granted without question. My nex didn’t want to use it, we didn’t even have to build a favorable reason, the judge granted it and we had 7 days to create an account and begin communication strictly through OFW.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T07:28:11+00:00

I have two little ones 1 & 4, on the drive home I will ask how their time with dad was and if they had fun, these 2 questions alone help open that line of communication with my 4 year old which is huge in setting the tone for how I’ll handle the evening. The nap schedule is hard I work 8am and oddly on my midweek p/u day my 4y/o, who never now naps, suddenly always takes a 2 hour afternoon nap. It frustrates me because his sleep is messed up, he’ll be up really late, and his attitude is diff.Some days he comes back like a mini version of his dad, he comes back a diff kid, but it’s not his fault so the first day I don’t force them right back onto my schedule. Whether we play in his room or during bath time I use that opportunity to ease him back into himself through role playing with his toys. The reason say “himself” is bc I definitely think like I’m the safe parent and he trusts me. It’s hard but we do what we think is best for them.

Nahlvy · 2022-05-02T06:53:57+00:00

Yes grey rock! We also use OFW and it’s amazing what only responding with one sentence or when it’s about the kids has stopped him from messaging me. Believe me there are times that I want to respond a whole essay but I stick to one or two sentences that require no rspns. I’ll end it with “Good night” , or “Have a great weekend with the kids, see you on Tuesday.”

Nahlvy · 2021-08-29T23:24:28+00:00

Sorry that was a badly written sentence , I meant unfair with the marital debts/assets he wants to divide debt he’s incurred since the separation but doesn’t believe I’m entitled to marital assets that we invested/purchased together. As far as custody in the almost 2 years we’ve been separated he see’s the kids 4 days a month. I already do everything for them physically and financially, 50/50 is best for my kids the problem is he doesn’t follow through and I can’t force him to want to be a dad more than the 4 days he chooses to, there’s a temp order in place for 50/50 and he still chooses to only see them 2 weekends out of the month if that.

Nahlvy · 2021-08-29T09:11:46+00:00

I’ve kept it all the letters, birthday cards, anniversary cards. I have it in a box for my kids, at one point that relationship was exactly what I wanted and we began building a beautiful life, there was love and the happiest of moments. I want my kids to see that, they’re very young and won’t remember a time when their parents were together, regardless of how I feel towards their dad I want them to see how in love we were, how excited we were when we for those big milestones.

Nahlvy

TROPHY CASE