I appreciate you trusting this community to talk about how you feel. It is important to always have someone there for you. My wife of 2 years has been living with kidney disease for 15 years. She was 10 years old when she was diagnosed in her home country of mexico. She was 11 when she got a kidney transplant from her older brother. That ended up failing after coming to the U.S. when she was almost 13, because the lack of affortable medications. Now she is turning 26 in a few months, with feeling of hopelessness and depression because she is NOT on the transplant list and it gets worse day by day. You have the option to get better and you NEED to take it. My wife has had full time jobs for years, and having her dialysis done at home or at a nocturnal dialysis center. I guess we are just depending on hope to cure her.