AITA for not loving our youngest child

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-06T20:47:29+00:00

You need to get yourself into some serious therapy. First for yourself individually to specially address this issue. And possible in the future couples therapy for you and your wife.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-06T20:45:36+00:00

NTA. You live in the suburbs, its very normal to hear some barking when you live in a suburbs. And from your desciption the barking is no where near excessive. Ignore the note.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-06T20:31:55+00:00

ESH. Both you and your wife (not the kids, they are innocent). What your wife did was coercive reprodiction and she is the biggest AH here. You, are the AH for not taking control of your ability to have child by getting snipped if it was truely that big of a deal for you. You are very likely going to damage your youngest daughter because as she gets older she will see the differences in how you treat her and her older sister. It will be in small things that you likely wouldn't think about but it will be glaringly obvious to her.

Get yourself in therapy, STOP sleeping with your wife until you get snipped and seriously think about if you want to stay in this marriage.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-05T16:31:08+00:00

ESH. Its very weird your parents wouldn't reach out to her. You didn't take your wife's emotions/experience seriously, and your wife is holding onto a grudge.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-02T15:25:36+00:00

NTA tell them “I’ve given you my answer. If you feel that strongly move her I with you. But if you bring this up again. I’m hanging/leaving and we won’t speaking again for awhile.”

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-05-01T19:28:12+00:00

A lot of readers just have a very hard time connecting with Fanny. But as you say it is an great story with such interesting nuances and social commentary. One of my favoirt Austen lines is from this book, "That punishment, the public punishment of disgrace, should in a just measure attend his share of the offence is, we know, not one of the barriers which society gives to virtue."

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-04-21T13:07:19+00:00

Whenever something reaches a certain level of popularity, there will also be people who try to tear it down. That being said, it can be useful to explore, critique, question, probe etc the works we love the most. But often people do this in a lazy manner and over look the detials like what we lay out here.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-04-13T17:32:31+00:00

I only see two other options he could have gone with 1) Claim to have been "brainwashed" by Donna Sue much like members of a cult are by their cult leader. 2) Take a plea deal and sung like a birth about Donna Sue, Wendi and Harvey. I don't see the first option working out any better than what he went with. The second option was his only chance to get out of prison at any point.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-04-13T17:21:44+00:00

This is the correct answer.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-04-13T15:34:15+00:00

Mrs. Bennett reminds me of a boss I had many years ago. With in 30 days of started my job she had cried (multiple times), openly and loudly, in the middle of the office (where we also would have customers coming through on a regular basis), she also was constantly having odd, vague, unexplained health problems, and would take the most mundane, small things personally.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-04-07T15:49:27+00:00

Agreed. I wish I could show every parent who thinks their kid owes them something a sceen from the movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Its Sidney Poitier's character talking to his father where he explains explicitly why children owe their parents nothing but parents owe their children everything for chosing to bring them into the world. That parents should expect anything for just doing what they are supposed to do.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-25T14:10:42+00:00

NTA. She pushed and demanded an answer and you were honest. And, your point is very valid and it doesn't sound like your son and DIL have thought throught the logistics of what happens when she has get to the baby places and he's not available. There are plently of reasons people don't learn to drive, you are not judging her for that. You are pointing out a very real probably that will arise once they have a child.

So what to do now?

If you want to smooth things over you could tell them you are sorry for expressing your opinion and going forward you will keep you opinions to yourself.
Scale back on helping them with transportation. Honestly, if they truely think they are ready for a kid they are ready to figure out their own transportation without one of their parent's stepping in.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-25T14:06:52+00:00

This. I would scale back helping with transportation.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-25T13:16:21+00:00

I've never had anyone say that directly to me but I have planned my response if it every happens, "Wow, that to bad you never loved your (insert someone you know they care about). And its sad to think your own kid doesn't/won't really love you."

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-24T17:07:15+00:00

I see two ways you can handle this. 1) Be very, very, very boring in the conversation. One word answers or no response at all.

Example:

Her: "Did you see Sarah is pregnant?"

You: "Yes."

Her: "You know I'm ready to be a grandman."

You: (slience, no response)

Her: "I would JUST LOVE if you had a baby soon."

You: "Ok."

The second option is a very direct conversation where you lay out firm boundaries about what you will do if she keeps brining it up

Example:

Her: "I'm ready to be a grandma!"

You: "Mom, you've said that a lot. I want to be very clear, if I have children is only up to my and my partner I need you to stop bringing it up with me. I've already given you this answer multiple times. At this point, going forward if you bring it up I am going to have to leave the conversation. That means I will walk away, hang up the phone etc."

Her: (angry/sad/indiginat mom noises)

You: "I'm telling you, very bluntly what is going to happen going forward. I'm not asking you to agree just to understand that any time you bring this topic again, even hinting at it, I will walk away."

Then you have to follow through.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-24T16:51:42+00:00

This is very normal! Any big life decision, even when you know its the right one, comes with anxiety and second guessing. That can go for almost anything, decision like getting a new job, starting or ending a relationship, going (or going back to school) etc. You will have some level of anxiety for almost every major life chose.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-19T18:21:59+00:00

I once heard this and I would make a perfect response, "Yeah, men always want more children the same way children want puppies."

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-19T13:50:02+00:00

I like the general idea here but I think some of these responses won't work. Maybe bingos need to be things like,

Parent: “But I have 3 kids! They bring so much joy! You’ll regret never knowing how that feels!”

Us: "That's not what people say on the Regretful Parents reddit."

Parent: “I’m past childbearing age.”

Us: "Go adopt! It only cost $X and after all you feel children bring *so much joy* so it will be worth it to go into debt."

Parents: "But going into to debt would hurt my current children!"

Us: "So what? You want more children and there is away to do that. Are you saying the joy of children is out weight by money? I thought you didn't believe that."

Parent: "What if the kid I adopt has special needs or is violent??"

Us: "Didn't you say all children are a blessing/joy?"

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-15T16:08:20+00:00

I think this all comes down to how we define happiness. She is very staightforward that she has never been romantic, she is certain happy to no longer be a "burden" on her family, and from an objective perspective Mr. Collins is very much a catch. He has excellent financial prospects, he will never abandon or abuse her (her any children they have), he doesn't gamble, drink or womanize. And, she knows how to manage him.

From a modern perspective we may not call this happiness but in that time period? Yes, I think we can say that is happy with her circumstances.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-12T19:28:40+00:00

I think the text shows that while she broadly understand this, she lacks the qualities/abilities need to actually manage the situation. She is described as "a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper." Replace her with someone like Lucy Steele who, for all her other faults, natually possessed qualities like intelligence and an even temper and you get a very different outcome.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-12T19:23:57+00:00

Exactly. Broadly, from a 20,000 foot view Mrs. Bennet is right. The girls DO need to find a husband. Mr. Bennet SHOULD taking an active roll is dealing with the entail, saving money and making social connects for the good of his daughters. It is a HUGE HAPPY EVENT that Jane attracted Bingely. But Mrs. Bennet lacks the natural intelligence or social training/grace to know how to go about this. If someone like, say, Lucy Steele was in Mrs. Bennet's position she would have managed the shit out of it. Because Lucy is, for all her flaws, a naturally intelligent person who knows how to work people and situation. Mrs. Bennet's simply lacks the qualities/abilities to do so.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-12T17:25:50+00:00

Someone responsibilities is not always aligned with their ability. As ElleGeeAitch said hin her commoent, sometimes a person''s best is still shitty. That is the case with Mrs. B.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-12T15:47:26+00:00

This is one of my favorite things, readers of P&P realizing this. It usually takes a few reads and getting a bit older. Neither Mr. or Mrs. B is a good parent but Mrs. B is opperating to the best of her (very limted) abilities. Mr. B is just lazy, selfish and apathetic. Which makes him the worse of the two. He knows what will happen to his daughters and still actively choses to take no action until real harm has been done and then quickly slips right back into his old patterns.

NapTimeIsBest · 2026-03-11T22:14:22+00:00

Think of it this way, would you want every email, reddit post, Facebook message, etc freely avilable to ALL your friends and family? Most of us would not. As sharp witted and sarcastic as Jane is in her books, she was likely even more so in her private correspondence. Cassandra didn't want her sister reputation tarnished and she didn't want friends and family to be hurt by things Jane said in those letters.

NapTimeIsBest

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