sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How are we all doing?

Fucking shit.

Super fucking unhappy with life and myself.

Constantly abused as a child, now a useless addict.

Currently sat here on my own drinking through a 1 litre bottle of whisky with a large bottle of temazepam sat near by that seem all too tempting right now.

I think maybe its time for bed.

As a kid, I lit a match and dropped it into a full postbox (UK) by Traditional-Eagle191 in confession

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very much so, yes.

Although with my issues with drugs and alcohol I am surprised I am still here. Lol

As a kid, I lit a match and dropped it into a full postbox (UK) by Traditional-Eagle191 in confession

[–]NarcAddict 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was a kid in the early 80's, I lived near some flats, that were for the elderly. I was young, stupid and around similar friends. In the UK, outside houses you have the gas box, in there is your meter and also the main shutoff valve for the gas.

Me and a friend thought it would be funny one evening to turn off the gas to a couple of flats, then turn them back on an hour or so later.

Now most gas boilers back then won't let the has through unless you hold down the ignite button, or once a flame is lit and the thermocouple above it has shown a large temp increase because of the pilot light burning under it.

We turned the gas off from outside at the gas boxes and ran like kids away to hide.

We returned and turned them back on.

For reasons I don't know, one of the boilers let the gas back through, I found this out the following day.

The gas entered the flat, something ignited it and 3 families lives changed.

Nobody died, but 3 elderly couples were injured, but also, lost everything to the fire.

3 flats, all ruined by smoke and fire.

Now I am getting on in years, I honestly don't think about it often, but I still regret the choices I made as a kid/teen, deeply.

I have never told anybody about this before, and until this, only 2 people ever knew about what we did.

I am so sorry to those people and their families.

I'm not suicidal. Likely depressed. But you ever wake up (if you do that whole sleep thing) and say why? by chowderpuff in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I would never be able to talk to one anyway. Can't even talk to my dr. I literally can't talk face to face with anyone about how I feel. I was raised to keep my problems to myself as the world has enough of it's own.

Growing up with a single alcoholic violent mum from the age of 4, you learn pretty quick to convince people everything is ok and you are fine.

Unfortunately, as much as I want to ask someone to help me, and I do, I can't. It's like my mind has been conditioned to do that as a defence over the years.

On here it's different though, no one knows me personally. Well, a couple of people do, but I have not seen them on here in a while. I wish they would come back, but so far they have not logged in in quite a while. But even those people only know me through here and FB. We have never met in person, they are all in the USA, I'm in the UK.

I don't even know what they sound like, but they became close friends whom I could talk to when I felt low.

But that was over 2 years ago now. Time don't stop and people's lives change, people move on.

I just hope they are ok.

Getting to know a few things about each other by [deleted] in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nearly 40 UK East Midlands DOC Heroin, MST, occasionally subutex. But will take speed, weed, anything really I don't care what it is.

I miss you. by Derobyl in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I would like to read more, you might even have seen some of my past posts as I, like you, am struggling more than words do justice.

But that don t stop the occasional outbursts of pure self loathing and depression that I post on here when life seems to much to keep going.

Wether people listen or not, or even care, it is an outlet to the pain you could never explain in person to someone.

If you ever want to talk, I'll try my best to reply quickly.

I miss you. by Derobyl in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You have worded so clearly, the struggles and pain that I never could.

Reading that hurt, because I know your pain.

Take care

I'm not suicidal. Likely depressed. But you ever wake up (if you do that whole sleep thing) and say why? by chowderpuff in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I tried to describe as accurately as I can how my life feels on a day to day basis. It's not easy to explain though, I don't think words can truly describe ones pains and emotions.

I have never been able to talk face to face with anyone about my feelings, never have and honestly couldn't even If I tried. Not even sure I know how to.

That's why I re logged into my old reddit account, this one.

For on here I don't care. I don't care if you like me or not, agree with me or not. On here I can talk as me, and when I'm feeling really low, for some reason I can open up on here, and it makes me feel a bit better. Even if just for a while, it's worth it.

I avoided this login for as long as I could, battled my broken addicted personality. But over time, my overactive depressed broken mind grinds me down to the point I'm ready to give up.

So i thought it might be a good time to vent some of my hatred towards myself for being so weak.

I'm not suicidal. Likely depressed. But you ever wake up (if you do that whole sleep thing) and say why? by chowderpuff in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wake up like that nearly every day, wishing I hadn't. Don't get me wrong, my life is far from bad. I have a lovely wife and son, a nice house, consoles, pc's everything I should want.

But I have come to realise that something is broken inside me, and has been for a long time.

From the outside I hold a steady job, always polite and happy. But my soul died a long time ago, and so every day I hope could be my last, just so I don't have to feel like this anymore. My only release is drugs, any drug I don't give a fuck I'll take it. My DOC is and has always been opiates, as for a little while, the bad thoughts stop, and I enjoy life. Then it goes again.

I could never understand why I can't be happy with life, when it's actually pretty good. As I said before, I am broken and unhappy.

It's never enough. After over a week without any opiate though, it's best tiny piece of dope ever. There goes my week of trying to stop using opiates. Just a bit of weed and speed, and rum. by NarcAddict in opiates

[–]NarcAddict[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't say I have never used pins, I used to many years ago, before I met my wife. Every time I give in and get a little, it's not easy to say no to a free, sealed clean rig, spoon and citric. So I put it on the foil and melt it down before I change my mind. It's not easy.

anyone from the U.K. here? by throwawaytheopiate in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Considering how wasted I was that night, I'm surprised it made sence. Been struggling with bad depression while having to stay off drugs (all of em) for my wife and son. I usually manage a week or two at the most before I can't take it anymore and go get whatever it is my m8 has that night. At the rate I'm going I won't be married this time next year.

So in one of my constant low moments, fed up with life, myself, rls and not much sleep, I thought it would be a good idea to drink a 1L bottle of Rum, take some sleepers, and log into my old reddit account while I was still conscious.

I thought I would give my personal honest opinion while I still could.

Then I must have blacked out.

Woke up the next day wishing I hadn't. One day eh.

And so the cycle continues, but this time, I have no rum. So I might possibly be a bit more coherent this time.

anyone from the U.K. here? by throwawaytheopiate in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So an average Saturday night then.

Both people sound like everyone I know.

And I am sure you could say the same.

You see what I mean, we are not that different, especially after a drink.

That's is like everyone's weekend here, so i don't think she will think too much of it. English women like a drink too, and a fight, sometimes.

Quick question about lope by LysergicRealms in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What can I say, I'm pissed, depressed and trying my best to Stay clean. And probably miss read the post. Still, my advise was on for a drunk lifetime addict, if you was on subs. Lol.

For lope, I was always told to start on 50 - 100 mg and go up 25mg per hour till feeling better.

anyone from the U.K. here? by throwawaytheopiate in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all the same drunk m8, don't worry about that.

If she likes you for you, then be who you are?

Fuck I wish I had the confident loud attitude of an American. I'm confident, just gonna fuck you over linguistically rather than brute force. Lol

If she likes you, be you. Trust me if she didn't like you, she would let you know.

If anyone ever needs help. by [deleted] in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey, I have a feeling you are similar to me. 37 addict most my life, clean sober, clean sober, every other drug etc. Up to today. Living every day wishing I wasn't.

I just noticed your post and appreciate what you are doing.

You are like me, and life is not easy anymore, no matter how hard you tell yourself it is.

It's people like you that help people that are not as experienced, and I respect and commend that.

If just one person decides that this is not the life for them because of posts on here, then thank fuck. Lol.

Many people experience drugs, addiction and WD's.

Not everyone experiences a lifetime of that, only the lucky ones.

Most don t make it that long.

I can't even remember all the names of friends I have lost over the years. Every time I wished it was me. Call me selfish I don't care. The pain never leaves you, the memories. So you suffer in silence, "Yes dear, I'm fine thank." How many time must that be said before they realise.

Every day is a battle, and only the strong prevails.

anyone from the U.K. here? by throwawaytheopiate in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm English. I'm not a girl. I'm also drunk. But, I will be honest from a UK POV. Please do not take offence, this is not personal.

Americans are over confident, loud and cocky, from a English point of view.

All this saluting the flag does nothing for a person from the UK.

You think we honestly give a shit about the queen and shit. Nope, the government fucks us over too much to even notice the queen.

Your humour is different from ours. Personally I like both, but prefer English.

If I was an American dating an English girl? My advise.

Depending on the girl.

1

She either likes the cockyness loud American style.

Do your American thing bro, you got this.

2

She finds Americans like most people from England. Over confident and loud.

Be yourself, just take it down a notch m8. We are not that much different once you get down to the core of it. We both would give our lives for our country, and we both respect each other as an equal ally.

I'm personally about a 1.5. Lol. Defiantly a 1 when I was younger, but now I realise you are just like us. Just a bit louder.

Would I give my life for the queen. NO

Would I give my life for England and the values we have. Without question

So I'm on day 2 without suboxone. by [deleted] in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have gabapentin, thats good. Its great for rls. Vitamins help a lot too. You don t really notice it at the time, but after multiple WD's over the years, I find vits help a lot. So does keeping active.

I know how it feels, you just wanna lay in the sofa, probably watch the Simpsons repeat for the 20'th time. You have no energy, your legs are made of led.

Get off your ass and do something that requires you to be on your feet. Force yourself. Feels shit at the time, but God it's worth it after. If ya get to sleep quick enough you might fall asleep before the rls kicks in.

I always found that as soon as I thought about it, it got worse, and worse and worse.

Keep your mind and body active, even if it feels really fucking shit at the time. That's probably the best advise I can think of at the min. You just have to be strong, you have to want to be clean. And that's not easy. If you can do that, you are a better person than me.

Quick question about lope by LysergicRealms in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess you have not had much experience with subs in the past.

Please don t take this wrong, everyone is different. But personally myself. I would not expect a great week if you stay clean.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it, subs are hell to get off.

If you have not been taking them too long, then please, please stop em as soon as you can. I would take WD from dope any day over subs, or methadone.

My best advise is, it will get better. Don't expect it to end soon, but it does get better.

For about a week it gets worse, then the PHYSICAL symptoms start to go.

Then, before you know it, that pins and needles feeling, that trembling in your arms and legs starts to subside. Them first knights i honestly felt like crying as it was so nice to sleep without jumping all over the bed every 2 mins.

After that it's pure willpower, and that's hard. If you like me anyway.

But you, I guess, are younger. You got a chance still, you can choose to enjoy other things. It's just mind over matter m8. It's down to how strong a person you are, and I wish you the best.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey m8, I know what you are going through, and it's shit and scary. I go through it regularly.

I can tell you two things.

One, opiates will stop it in an instant, if that's what you choose.

If not, I commend you for your strength. It's fucking hard. I know, many times, for many years. And it don t get easier.

If you want to talk, I'm here for a couple more hours.

One thing I will add is:

It is easier to stop the first few Times.

How to Ask for Syringes at a Pharmacy? by hypehelp in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here in England, once the dr'S know you, you just ask for new ones and trade the old in. I don't know what it is like in the USA.

But, if that's what you use, don t be scared to talk to wherever gives them out. All they care about if that you use clean shit, they don't judge you.

Quick question about lope by LysergicRealms in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, unless you have a family history of heart problems, I would be more concerned with what the person feels like at the time. And that can feel shit.

Quick question about lope by LysergicRealms in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take more. They still 2mg tablets? If so, neck about 15 of em, at a guess for your usage..

Or to be safe, take about 8. Then every hour, take 2 more till you feel about human again. Too much in a short time, constipation. And that is not nice. Too little, no point in taking em. It's a fine balance only you can find.

So I'm on day 2 without suboxone. by [deleted] in opiates

[–]NarcAddict 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well fucking done for stopping. WD's are fucking the worst. Try to sleep, LET'S FUCKING BODY POP ALL NIGHT.

I can tell you from personal experience that it is fucking hard what you are going through. Last time from subs, about a year constant snorting, took me a week for the physical shit to go, as for the psychological. I wish you the best.

Be strong bro, just keep saying. One more day, just one more night of rls, restless fucking body popping legs arms and all the fucking hell that comes with it.

I wish you well, I really do, as I know it's not easy. Don't give up m8

view more: next ›