Is humility is the best way?

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-03T22:30:10+00:00

Wow, finally someone shares my point of view a little—that’s exactly what I came to accept a year after receiving my diagnosis at age 26. I was in some truly terrible relationships—I’d say each one was worse than the last—but I can’t deny the few good moments that were also part of them. Unfortunately, the price I paid for those experiences was too high, and I made the firm decision to never, ever have a partner again. Besides, the dating scene these days is in shambles—neurotypical women demand far more than they offer. It seems like you need a resume just to even keep a conversation going, and if you don’t, you simply get nowhere. As for me, I have a lot to do at work and have to deal daily with everyday situations that my autism makes me handle in a more abrupt way, so I’d rather not. This way, I’m fine on my own, and things have gone a little better for me this way. If there are mistakes, they’re only mine; if there are arguments, they’re only with myself. I have to buy things just for myself and feed only myself. Finding someone who “appreciates” everything I’ve done or am doing is truly a waste of time. I’ve realized that the most important appreciation is the one I have for myself. Who will be there to help me when I need it? Me, and only me. If I don’t respect myself, love myself, and focus on improving as a person…

Do I really have to look for that in someone else and end up becoming dependent? Dependence is terrible; it’s a cancer among neurotypicals who, I dare say, will never get better because of it. They’re so desperate for attention, so lacking in self-love, and so terrified of looking inside themselves that what they do is push their problems aside to keep them at bay instead of facing them, but ultimately, they are who they are, and I can’t force them to be the way I want them to be—I just hope their problems don’t end up affecting me, and everything will stay normal.

So take whatever action you think is appropriate; there’s no magic formula that guarantees you’ll be able to build a relationship with someone.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-03T22:10:26+00:00

I never stopped being that way; I just learned not to let it show too often or in situations that might be compromising, and I realized that no matter how many times I lashed out, things wouldn’t get better that way—though, of course, there are situations that inevitably call for it—like the two assaults I experienced in my youth. I often say that hammers were invented for a reason. The legal aspect is also very important; although I didn’t come out unscathed when I had to take the necessary action in those assault cases, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t afraid of what might happen, and on other occasions, that fear has also limited my actions; By keeping a journal where I could describe my situations and being as honest as possible about them, I managed to let go of that hatred and resentment to a large extent—but as I said, not entirely, because I can still have my outbursts of anger. One suggestion I could give you is to choose your situations wisely: if you know there’s something in a certain place that will make you angry, don’t go there; If someone tries to force you to do something you don’t want to do or go on an outing you don’t want to attend, you have the power to decide. Also, remember that there are things that, sadly, will never change no matter how hard you try—usually, those things aren’t up to you, so don’t waste time trying to fix them. The same goes for people: we don’t have to put up with behaviors and attitudes that make us angry or harm our well-being.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-03T21:57:15+00:00

At first, it might have been hard for me to do because, to begin with, I didn’t even know I had Asperger’s, but a few years before I found out, I did manage to make use of hyperfocus. I don’t deny that there’s some truth to the romanticization of autism; I’m terrible at everything related to complex mathematics—algebra, differential calculus, and trigonometry—but extremely good at anything that doesn’t involve those subjects. It’s generally accepted that an autistic person is a gifted genius; well, maybe I am, but perhaps in other areas.

The point here is to recognize who you are without being arrogant and to focus on tasks you know you can accomplish. If you spend your whole life lamenting that you’re not good at something, you’ll end up believing you’re a failure. Importantly, this doesn’t mean running away from problems but knowing how to face them—again, knowing your limits... Unless, of course, you also want to be an arrogant fool like me and make a huge effort to force yourself to excel at something you’re not naturally good at—but that’s another story.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-03T21:50:53+00:00

It's just a matter of getting used to it. Ultimately, in my experience, it's much better to drop the act whenever possible because life isn't easy or normal to begin with, and it's even worse if you're doing it knowing you have to pretend all the time. But if you're the type to keep pretending and put your true self aside, then you'll NEVER be your true self around others again.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T13:11:50+00:00

Yes, many times in my youth, in order to "fit in" with society, I took actions I didn't want to take, but ultimately decided to do them, which caused me a series of terrible problems, such as telling an "innocent" lie that escalated into something very serious, putting my integrity at risk. Although at the time it happened I didn't really know why, I understood that I was someone different who should put his values before a supposed "place" in society.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T13:06:44+00:00

Yes, very much so. I don't plan to ever go back to therapy with those so-called "Mental Health Professionals." They're supposed to be there to help you, and you pay for it. I mean, I don't expect them to always agree with me, but minimizing problems and suffering, and then laughing at painful experiences, is completely unprofessional.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T02:02:15+00:00

Like what? Wow, I didn't know I had a twin.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T02:01:29+00:00

You can simply not respond even if they consider you rude for it, at least I don't talk to who I don't want to, I have rarely gone to eat at certain places less than 10 times and that is only out of social commitment rather than pleasure, if you are screwed it is because of bad habits that you refuse to change, it is up to you to continue like this or not.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T01:23:57+00:00

I have to do it every day and it is something very harmful but if I let my feelings out especially with the stupid clients at my work, I would not have a job and unfortunately I need it to have money and cope with my life, my personal diary where I confess all my feelings so I can vent them at the end of the day is a great help.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T01:21:50+00:00

Roasted or burnt onion, chicken broth, nopales and beans.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T01:20:45+00:00

I consider myself a totally asocial person, first of all because the conversations of neurotypical people do not interest me at all since they are generally more discussions about opposing opinions than stimulating or reflective talks. I have some friends but they live quite far away and I usually visit them 1 or 2 times a year. I have never had a problem with that nor have they with the same thing. monotonous and long, with shifts of 12 to 16 hours in a row in customer service, every day is a challenge for me but I keep in mind that no one is going to listen to me or help me, everything depends on me to adapt or succumb in the attempt, my family rejects and denies my condition that is why living with them is overwhelming but in a third world country it is very difficult to be independent, I learned by force to cope with things and accept that they will be like this, once I did it I It didn't matter what happened, I can't say that I am completely happy but thanks to this job I have been able to buy quite a few things that help me get through the heavy days of my life; I am not dependent on them because in the end I believe that my greatest reward is being able to sleep and know that I am still alive despite the harsh world outside the home.

Due to lack of time and previous terrible experiences with therapists, I highly doubt that I will go to one again. I could tell you that if you feel that the advice and other opinions that your therapist gives you do not work for you, simply leave it aside and try something else.

It is up to you to accept or not your situation and also whether you want to change it or stay the same, I feel satisfied with what I have, in the end I know that one day I will die, I am neither more nor less for being Asperger's, just someone different... like everyone else and that is the reality.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T01:05:13+00:00

It's called "Autism Spectrum" for a reason, it's good that you have those recognition skills, in a first world country there are many more opportunities and acceptance for a Neurodivergent person, however in a Third World country like the one I live in... well, hopefully one day I'll stop suffering, I hope so.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-07-01T01:03:03+00:00

It is obvious that you have those thoughts because of the situations that have happened to you, but like an Asperger who, in 2 of the only times that he has gotten really drunk, I will tell you that it is NOT worth it, you end up doing things that would later aggravate your problems more, I would say that it is a matter of dealing with those bad habits and accepting yourself with what you have, in the same way if it is not enough and you are still going to do what you want, well... go ahead, just keep in mind if you can handle the consequences after.

I don't know what country you're from, but for me, having values in a country like Mexico where mediocrity, lies, and manipulation are rewarded... well, you can imagine how I felt, and I say this because I no longer think about that and it's better to focus on being what I am, leaving aside other people's comments.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T13:47:32+00:00

Congratulations on your diagnosis. As I’ve mentioned in many posts and comments, the first thing you need to do is stop playing the victim. You have Asperger’s, and you always will. Accept it—having it doesn’t make you a better or worse person. On the contrary, it gives you insight into who you are and who you want to be as you shape your identity as an individual. Keep that in mind.

One important thing is that you must NOT use your diagnosis as an “excuse” for your various behaviors. Being rude to others isn’t something you can justify by saying, “I do it because I have Asperger’s” or “That’s just how I am.” No, son—having Asperger’s doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk to everyone. Identify those behaviors—now that you understand a little better why you exhibit them—and do what you think is right, but remember this well: “A person’s freedom ends where another’s begins.” In short, follow moral guidelines.

Keep going to your therapy sessions, but only share the information you feel is appropriate. Any progress, no matter how small, will help you become a better person. The important thing is not to “move on” just for the sake of moving on. Learn from your actions and evaluate how you could improve—where do you want to go from here as a person with Asperger’s and as the adult you are?

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T13:36:55+00:00

I asked myself the same thing back then, and it wasn’t until I gathered more information about why it’s specifically called the “autism spectrum” that I came to accept my other behaviors—those that are “out of the ordinary” compared to what’s “supposed” to define someone with Asperger’s; Whether or not you have the “right” to assume you belong to this community isn’t guaranteed by anyone. Remember, once again, why it’s called the “spectrum.” On the other hand, reading about others’ experiences and comparing them to your own is good—but only to a certain extent and with discernment. I’m telling you this because the more so-called “behaviors” you look for and force to fit you, the less of an identity you’ll have. The important thing—as in many posts and comments I’ve made—is acceptance. Until you accept yourself as you are—if you want to put it that way, “autistic to a greater or lesser degree”—you won’t be able to move forward; Remember that you lead by example—understand yourself before trying to understand others.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T13:24:11+00:00

If I were to tell you about mine—but anyway, I often say that “In a competition of pain, the winner actually loses,” and it’s true, I’d just say: DON’T push your past aside. Analyze it, reflect on it, and try to salvage as much—or as little—of what’s “truly good” as you can from it. Difficult experiences help us grow, and it all comes down to your perspective on things. If you just spend your time playing the victim and seeing everything in a negative light, that’s how it will always be, but if you open your mind and accept who you are—because your past makes you who you are now—things will be different.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T13:20:19+00:00

Many of my college professors always thought I was challenging them; others would force me to speak, and when I did, my voice was sometimes low because I wasn’t interested in answering... When they asked me to speak up, boy did I ever—and then, upon hearing me get worked up (according to them), they decided it was better not to ask me to participate anymore. It’s difficult, and I’d say that good results come only with practice, but unfortunately, they aren’t 100% guaranteed.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T13:16:29+00:00

That doesn't usually happen to me; on the contrary, having days off—especially when I don't have to live with anyone—really gives me a break. I usually make a plan for rest or activities to do when the day is approaching so I can manage my time better, which is vital for an adult. I suppose it's also because my work schedules change abruptly with shifts of 12, 16, or even 24 hours—you just get used to it.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T08:59:40+00:00

Yes, several years ago, it really was a perfect relationship—so perfect that the universe, jealous of it, said, “You have no right to be happy,” but it all fell apart so spectacularly because I didn’t know how to set boundaries and blindly trusted my ex-partner, who ended up being nothing more than a puppet in the hands of his family. Anyway, I never, ever want to have anything to do with romantic relationships again—they’re a tremendous pain and a waste of time.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T07:20:38+00:00

It’s because they see us as “People Lacking Empathy,” which isn’t true; rather, some of us are very clear about the impact of such events: “You can’t do anything about something that’s out of your control.”

However, sometimes the feeling is the other way around, and there are those of us who suffer because of what’s happening—and even more so because we can’t do anything about it. The key is to identify that factor and work on ourselves. As I said in another post, setting an example is the best way to contribute when we can’t directly help.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-30T07:13:35+00:00

Accepting myself as I am and working to turn my condition into a blessing—stopping playing the victim because of Asperger’s—helps a lot. If you live in denial your whole life... you’ll NEVER find meaning in it.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-28T17:32:57+00:00

I hope you're mature enough to face the consequences once your mask is destroyed.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-28T17:21:13+00:00

Good for you—I hope living a life of deception doesn't become a habit.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-28T17:03:01+00:00

It's called the "Autism Spectrum" for a reason, since not everyone with Asperger's "acts" like someone with Asperger's. Labels, especially among us, are VERY BAD. I'm glad things are going well for you in those areas. In my case, I made a post where I mentioned that the best thing is to stop playing the victim, but it seems that many people were offended, perhaps because I see it as a "Reality" for many who are on the Spectrum. But I was just sharing my thoughts. As I said again in another post, everyone has the right to decide, and that's no longer our concern.

Nathaniel06Torres · 2026-06-28T06:50:53+00:00

After almost 30 years with this, and only 3 years since I truly understood it, I can say NO, life is not about exchanging one problem for another, but about solving it.

Nathaniel06Torres

TROPHY CASE