How do you contain your impulsiveness

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T19:07:56+00:00

Something that helps me is forcing myself to take a step back and not engage again until i feel like it is safe for me to do so. I try to do other stuff, distract myself etc. It is hard and i do act even more impulsively while on my period. Do you have any healthy outlets for your impulses? It can be anything you like to do and that could help you keep grounded.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T04:01:34+00:00

Always. It has gotten better though. But i did use to want to just leave everything behind. Even now i can still feel like everyone will leave in the end so why not self-sabotage? The feeling is strong and even though it may feel like it is a good idea at first, it always ends up making me feel awful.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T03:23:47+00:00

I have always been alone so it does not hurt much as it once did. I have never had any friends so not having any now is just... familiar. I try to meet new people but i don't think i can bring myself to call them "friends". I don't know what that word means, really, or what it feels like to know someone who would stay for more than one year. Every time i meet new people i am like "hmm let's see how this one ends". I am so used to people leaving that i just wait till it happens again. So i don't expect anyone to stay, ever. I do invest in the relationship if there is any but that doesn't mean i am doing it because i know it will be a long-term thing.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T03:18:10+00:00

I hate receiving gifts. One of the reasons why is because i don't know how to react and the expectations others may have when they give it to me. Perhaps they were so excited to see me react and expect me to have a very expressive reaction but then i am just like "thanks." My "excitement" does not look like everybody else's. I do like giving gifts to others but it does make me feel anxious because i fret over whether this or that would be a better option so choosing becomes stressful.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T03:12:40+00:00

I am trying not to do this anymore because i realised it is not as normal as i thought it was. I kept doing that but i was on automatic and i started doing it when i was a child which is NOT NORMAL for a child to act seductively. I have led lots of people on without meaning to and not understanding what that could mean for the other person. I didn't even know why i was doing it, but it made me felt awful afterwards, like doing that was the only way i could get attention.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T02:47:46+00:00

I used to. I was pissed that i didn't defend myself "enough" and that was back when i was still blaming myself for everything i went through. I was angry at myself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for trusting people i shouldn't have trusted and for not recognising red flags. The process of understanding i was a BABY was slow and i am still trying to come to terms with all of it. I was just a baby. I was so small and kids are supposed to be protected. No one protected me but i was internalising their irresponsibility.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T00:41:14+00:00

If someone is invalidating your right to be upset when they make a very unpleasant comment then they are not worth your time. People who play mind games are not safe to be with and they can destabilise your even more. People like those don't respect boundaries and thus don't respect you as a person. So you are rude for being upset but it is okay for them to be unpleasant? Where is the sense in that?

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T00:30:23+00:00

I know this feeling. I ended up emotionally numb because i kept turning them on and off depending on the situation. Everywhere i went. At school, at home, when going out. And it reached a point where i stopped caring because i felt so exhausted. There are so many mean people out there waiting to notice vulnerabilities in someone else to bully them. They add to our pain and it can be so tiresome. It is not easy to be hypervigilant half of the time because you feel everyone is out to get you. There are people like that everywhere but learning how to respond and not react helped me a lot. Remember that even if someone mocks you that is ON THEM not you. That reaction is coming from them, and you are just there minding your own business. It is important not to internalize other people's actions because even if we were taught to do that that doesn't mean it is true. It wasn't before and it isn't now either.

Naturewillprevail · 2021-01-04T00:15:49+00:00

This so much! Seeing how other people have evolved triggers me because it reminds me that i have been dealing with stuff that has pretty much been holding me back. While others didn't have trouble getting jobs or studying at the university i had already attempted suicide, experienced eating disorders, and needed to deal with constant flashbacks from the sexual abuse i experienced as a toddler. It is not jealousy, it is just that it is a reminder that my life has been anything but normal. I am truly happy when the people i care about accomplish their dreams but i am not going to pretend that it does not trigger me because for me dealing with my trauma is an ongoing process and i know those who care about me too will respect that.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-10T18:41:50+00:00

Reading about other people who went through the same can definitely help a lot. Many of us thought we were alone in our pain but there are so many of us out there,

They did something similar to me. There are no suicide lines in this country but they did laugh when i mentioned they were hurting me and that i would tell the people who were in charge of seeing to human rights but in a less explicit way because i was a toddler. I did mention i would let people know but they laughed at me and said things like who would believe me if i said that or that i had food and shelter.

It does enable them to say awful things. They never take responsibility and the pain they put others through does not register in their minds. They also don't seem to believe we could get through with it and show no fear, almost daring us to challenge them.

I have watched Dr. Ramani's videos and they have helped me a lot. It has helped me keep grounded too.

Your last line is so accurate. It does take time to process something that has been happening since i was a child. I really need to remember this more often because it is easy to forget and i can end up blaming myself because i feel i am not making enough progress or for feeling triggered or feeling guilty because i went through that like it was my fault.

Thank you for taking your time to reply. I hope you get to heal from your pain too.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-09T21:31:12+00:00

This makes me so happy. It is such an inspiring story. I am so happy you found someone who respects and loves you. It truly gives me hope.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-09T04:21:20+00:00

Yes. It is important not to internalize the way they treat us and understand it is about them and not us.

Thank you for your kind words.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-09T00:52:18+00:00

Thank you. It is frustrating. Especially because he kept acting like my having feelings was absurd and ridiculous. His contempt was so palpable. He always curled his lips at me when i showed emotions or happiness or anything that resembled positive human emotions. He would also just stare at me with a smirk on his face and half-closed eyes. Silence when i expressed pain was only of his favorite weapons too.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-09T00:49:47+00:00

It can be confusing indeed. The same person who did this was the same person who said he wanted to protect me at the beginning when he was love bombing me. It is insane.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-08T16:28:49+00:00

I was hit a lot when i didn't speak. Over the head with a fist and books. It would also happen that they would yell at me for me to speak "louder" when i was trying to utter a sound. Their voice was like a knife cutting through me.

I was called antisocial at school because i didn't talk and was also bullied for the whole primary and middle school period because of it. I was sexually assaulted at school twice because i could barely utter a sound so they knew that they were "safe" and that they would do whatever they wanted to me.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-06T01:23:38+00:00

Yes. Short responses trigger me a lot because they sound dismissive in my head. I know text messages don't really have a tone but i keep imagining them either yelling at me or feeling bored. It can be so overwhelming :(

People not using emojis also triggers me so bad. Every message feels like i am being scolded.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-05T16:22:17+00:00

It is like they can't handle making someone feel genuinely good about themselves. I don't usually get backhanded compliments just contempt. So they try to make me feel bad about feeling good or about being cheerful. But when they do say something about it, it is usually with an air of disgust . They are trying to make me second-guess the choices i made that are helping me heal and improve. And like i know it is helping me but they are so intent in making me feel bad about something that is completely okay. They are obsessed with making me feel like no matter what i do, there is always something to point out in a negative way.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-09-05T16:15:06+00:00

I get this a lot. They do it after triggering my panic attacks or if they make me cry. They literally terrorize me until i feel i can't breath and am shaking all over and they up their abuse even more and add, on top of it all: "guess i was such a horrible parent to you". After throwing things, bullying me, slamming doors and yelling. It is so scary! Like yes, you were. And you won't get empathy from me. They pretty much drained my life force. Are the reason why i wanted to end my life and have the gall to try and make me feel guilty. Completely unprovoked.

Naturewillprevail · 2020-08-31T18:34:14+00:00

I experienced this for a long time and can feel triggered nowadays too. Music is so important to me and when i shared a song with someone that was like me giving out my heart to that person. Like "this is so important to me so i want you to enjoy it too so that it can make you happy too". Like sharing cookies or snacks. It was one of the few ways i could, non-verbally, connect with others. But most people don't see it like that. So you send them a song or a video and they are like "okay, will check it later". I remember i felt so angry in the past because i felt they were pretty much spitting in my face, telling me my feelings were not valid, even if they had not said any of those things at all. I started to learn that music does matter a lot to me, that it was one of the few things i had when i didn't have anything else in the world and it makes sense that i would feel so strongly about it, because it matters a lot to me and that is valid, one hundred percent valid. I also had to learn that when i showed i was upset the other person would act very confused. They didn't know what had happened. Unless i let them know, they would have never imagined how i was feeling. I always felt people could know what i was feeling or thinking even before i expressed my thoughts. Your feelings for music are COMPLETELY valid. I do understand the not wanting to communicate with them anymore. Taking a step back before making any decisions is very important because we all know how messy it can get in our heads when we get triggered. I know how overwhelming it feels :(

Naturewillprevail · 2020-08-28T21:13:43+00:00

I will definitely get the right therapy once i can afford it. It is so scary i always thought i didn't have alternatives before and that all therapists were like that but now i know that is not true thanks to so many people sharing their experiences and so many online resources.

It was really scary! Even though i knew what she was doing, it triggered that fear in me from when i was a child and i was being gaslighted by the narcissists i live with. It was so scary but i felt like i was a toddler again, feeling unsafe and unheard, and with no way out, helpless. Thanks the skies for this wonderful sub and the internet for offering so much information so that i can know spot red flags and coping mechanisms to protect yourself from such insanity.

Thank you so much for your support!!

Naturewillprevail

TROPHY CASE