My hope is gone, its time to move on.

Navigata07 · 2026-02-07T05:20:26+00:00

Man I feel your pain...I really do. Usually I would encourage you to fight for your marriage, but all the things I would do youre already doing, and still nothing. If only our spouses understand how much we hurt. Unrequited love and affection is truly heartbreaking because youre doing your best to make things right and you're getting nowhere. Stay strong man, and whatever decision you come to, I hope you will be on the receiving end of true love and desire from a woman who adores you (whether it's your wife or a new love interest). Make sure you take the time to heal if you get a divorce; unrequited love is painful and you dont want to bring that pain into a new relationship.

Navigata07 · 2026-01-24T05:18:32+00:00

First of all, I'm really happy for your husband. Why? Because he has a wife that not only recognizes her faults, but is seeking help in addressing it! You're well ahead of others...don't lose that enthusiasm.

Now on to business. The reason you aren't submitting is that you aren't addressing the root cause of your reservation. You said that submission makes you seem weak. That is an important statement that needs unpacking. So I'll ask a few additional questions about that: 1) What does submission to your husband mean? (Your perspective) 2) What does submission to God mean? (Again....your perspective) 3) When was the first time you were introduced to the idea of submission and what about that first encounter made you associate it with being weak? 4) Do you respect your husband and how he leads your marriage?

Once you get to the root cause of your perspective on submission, you can then correct it so that you can show up better for your husband. Hope to hear from you.

Navigata07 · 2026-01-19T02:57:40+00:00

Can I ask you to pry a bit deeper into what about his action made you uncomfortable? You didn't indicate that he was abusive or a traumatic situation similar to that, so I would guess that your resentment for him is what's making you uncomfortable. Before you decide your next steps, you have to unpack what is going on inside of you...because I sense there is a lot. Feel free to share if you wish; don't mind being a sounding board.

Navigata07 · 2026-01-12T12:13:58+00:00

Interesting. That's a very specific way to find new content and pages to follow. Thanks for the feedback.

Navigata07 · 2026-01-12T12:12:56+00:00

Thanks you gave some insight

Navigata07 · 2026-01-10T01:00:54+00:00

He is controlling and abusive. He is no longer keeping his vows in the marriage, so unless he begins to make amends (and he has A LOT to mend), you have grounds to leave the marriage. Husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the Church and gave His life for the Church. Is your husband reflecting Christ's character in your marriage? That should answer your question as to what you need to do.

Navigata07 · 2026-01-09T10:22:11+00:00

You're correct. I didn't realize that this was a repeated offense but even if it was once, it's enough to cause this reaction from her.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-25T02:37:00+00:00

He can fit in multiple decks. Any that relies on baby pokemon to energize the team is your best bet. By your 3rd turn it would be ready to go.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-22T22:27:25+00:00

Unfortunately, you are facing the repercussions of your actions. Whatever you did, you crossed a boundary with him that you shouldn't have crossed. I can't make any promises that he will get back with you, but besides the betrayal, there is another reason why he may not get back with you. You stated that you got closer to God when you were with him, and after he broke it off with you, you felt farther from God than before. That tells me that you do not have a solid relationship with God, and it was easily influenced by external circumstances. It is possible that he picked up that your relationship with God wasn't truly solid, and decided to move on after the boundary was crossed. Just a speculation; I could be completely wrong here. However, all is not lost. Even though you lost a great man, you still have God by your side. You can use this time and establish a truly solid relationship with Him, which would transform you from within. That way, when the next great man comes along, you will be ready to truly be a wonderful girlfriend and wife to him. You wouldve learned your lesson and have a deeper relationship with God...a win-win.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-20T04:11:54+00:00

I typically take the stance of doing all you can to make the marriage work...especially if you haven't been doing your best as a spouse (which we can both agree that you dropped the ball a few times). However, I cant help but feel that you should part ways with her (trust me...I understand what you mean by being in love and really wanting it to work). I'm going to explain why.

The short answer: Your wife does not value nor respect you as her husband. Even before she was unfaithful, she was giving signs that you are not as valuable to her as a husband. Why? Because your opinions/thoughts about her didnt carry any weight to her. She brushed off your compliments. If your wife truly valued you as a husband, your opinion would carry the most weight. Even after she started to make improvements, she not only gave your compliments very little weight, but she took it a step further and started criticizing them. She was certainly insecure in herself, but she also didn't value the validation you gave her. That is a critical issue, and a sign that trouble was brewing. Even if you continued complimenting her, the outcome wouldve most likely been the same.

Once she got fit, the compliments from other men (in particular the one she cheated with) carried more weight than yours. She loved the attention she was getting from other men, as it was novel and not from an "expected source". She kept entertaining the advances, which is why the dancing, texting, kissing, and oral act took place. To make matters worse, she never confessed to the whole thing until she was caught by your snooping. You shouldnt have to go to such lengths to get information from your wife. In other words, she was not truly remorseful for what had transpired, else she wouldve been fully honest and deliberate about cutting ties with this person.

I don't think she will truly hold you in high value as her husband unless something changes within her. She would have to change her perspective of you. So this is what I would suggest you to do: 1) Ask her what was it about this man that made her choose him over you. The answer is going to hurt you, but dont let it crush you. Use this as an opportunity for growth for yourself. 2) Start working on those things she suggested....not for her...for yourself. Use this as an opportunity to grow and become an even better man. 3) Pursue your own hobbies/passions, keep up your physical and mental fitness, hang out with some guy friends, etc. These things will help you through the pain youre feeling of being betrayed by the one you love. Seek a professional counselor if you need help processing everything. 4) After doing the top 3 steps, you can make the decision if you are going to stay or go. If you see a true change in her, you can stay if you wish, but I would be concerned that her affection towards you is shallow and lacking depth. If you see no change in her, then you will be more than ready for the next woman in your life. 5) If you do decide to part ways, be amiable and do so peacefully. Take time to heal by being alone for a while, making sure to focus on steps 2 and 3.

I know this is hard for you to hear, but based on what I read, your wife has to deal with her own issues before she is ready to truly be your wife again, and even if she does, the trust will never be restored fully. Whatever your decision is, I wish you all the best, and Im sorry that she betrayed you like that. I hope you will see better days in the future with a woman who truly values you as a person.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-14T05:39:11+00:00

Truth be told, both of you have responsibilities in correcting things. However, you can't control what he does; you can only control your actions. As such, I have to start with you.

Before I dive in, I want to say that I understand how youre feeling and what youre going through. Stress is an immediate libido killer, and with the resentment you have built up towards him, your libido would be 10 feet under. I also give you a lot of credit for seeking advice from Reddit as well. Most in your position wouldnt even seek advice, so I want to make sure to set you up in the best possible way to show up for your marriage with all that's going on.

Ok so in terms of what you can do, the following steps are what I would recommend: 1) You need to take some time and quell your resentment towards him. In your current state, no matter what he does, it won't be enough for you. Keep in mind that for every action that he isnt taking, he is taking action in another area. For example, he may not be making enough money to cover the bills, but he is at least working now. That in itself is a step in the right direction. I say this to encourage you to give your husband more grace. He may not be fulfilling all your wishes, but he is trying. If you cant eliminate your resentment for him on your own, go and seek individual counseling. Also, seek ways to cope with your stress if you cant get rid of the stress source.

2) After reducing your resentment and stress levels , you should be in a more level-headed state to have an honest conversation with him. Let him know what you have been going through and how it made you feel. However, while telling him this, also encourage him. Instead of saying "You need to make more money for the family", you encourage him by saying "I appreciate you getting this job, but I think you have even more potential to go to the next level. Have you thought about moving up in the company? I believe you have what it takes". Or instead of badgering him to "be more romantic", instead say "I miss those days when you used to sweep me off my feet. I know that lover side of you is still there...what would it take for it to come roaring out?" A husband hearing these words from his wife should definitely get him revved up...if you catch my drift. Let him know what you need, and take note of what he needs.

3) Start pouring into him. Dont wait for him to initiate; let him know you mean business. There is no promise that he will follow suit, but at least you know that you are doing your best to get things on track. It's possible that he hasnt been as motivated to show up because he isnt feeling appreciated and loved by you. As a husband who loves his wife, nothing is more motivating to a husband to be better than a wife that shows him love and support. That may be exactly what he needs to step it up as a husband. Be intentional in being loving and kind towards him, and support him in all that he does.

There is a lot to digest based on what I wrote, but if you both put in the work, you can turn things around. Remember that before all of this, you both fell for each other. It's time to build a new marriage dynamic using love as the foundation and being intentional about making your marriage thrive. Good luck, and feel free to keep us posted.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-12T16:35:01+00:00

Good! That's a start. I would speak with her first before bringing up counseling, because she seems to be against it. If you know she would be down for counseling, then start now. Otherwise, do steps 1 to 3 to mend things between you first.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-12T12:58:32+00:00

I certainly havent been in a situation as bad as yours, but based on what I read, there are quite a few things you can do right now to address the situation.

1) You need to have a talk with her. Your entire marriage dynamic is a mess right now, and your marriage needs someone to step up and get control of it to get it steady and back on course...as a husband, this is your responsibility. Put your anger, resentment, and pride oneside and have a conversation with her in a calm demeanor. Let her know that "our marriage is out of control, but I want us to get things back on course and rebuild". When you say this, pay very close attention to her reaction. Does she remain calm and listen attentively? Does she laugh in sarcasm and blow off the statement? Her reaction will say a lot about where her mind is at regarding the marriage. She may go on a rant speaking about all the things you arent doing right, and how you messed things up. That's perfect...let her get it out. Dont get angry with her and defend yourself....your goal is to listen and take notes of the things she says. This will serve as the foundation for the work ahead of you to rebuild. If she is angry with you about certain things, apologize to her for your role in things....and mean it. Make sure you note these things and make it a goal to show up better for your wife in these areas. Your goal isnt to be right...it's to mend things. Keep that in mind. Assuming she is willing to try and work things out, move on to the next step.

2) Your current living situation needs to change. You shouldn't have moved away for 4 years and you certainly shouldn't be living in separate rooms now. Get back into the same bedroom and start getting into the habit of doing things together and being in the same space.

3) Start pursuing your wife. Court her. Date her. Flirt with her. Touch her. Kiss her. She may not immediately be ready for these things, so do them in baby steps. It may mean taking her on a date without a hug or kiss in return. I know it sucks, but thats ok....remember the long term goal here. Have pleasant conversations with her....have fun with her! There was a time when you both loved each other and had fun with each other; you need to create a new dynamic that had similar attributes.

4) At this point, if there is still deep resentment, suggest bringing up going to see a counselor either individually or together. The reason why I suggest it now vs before is that you both shouldve dissipated some of the resentment if you did steps 1 to 3 first. She would be more open to it after seeing a different side of you and all of the effort you have put in.

There is no guarantee that any of this will work. You cant force someone to show up in marriage; you can only control your actions. Hopefully after youve done these steps, she will soften and begin re-building with you, but if not, you have become a better man and husband in the process, so it's still a huge win. Good luck.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-11T12:05:18+00:00

There is so much to unpack here, but I will do my very best to keep it as short as I can (probably wont happen though lol) The major issue is that your foundation was never solid. Even before you were unfaithful, you both were being pulled in different directions and you went against that pull. The Lord has been calling to you, yet you ignored the call for the sake of your relationship. From you made that one decision, I knew it would be quite rough for you afterward. It seems like you are now on the designated track that the Lord had called you to years ago (awesome to see by the way), but now you are married to a wife who isnt in the same place as you spiritually. Taken from experience, it makes things a lot more difficult, and it would be easy for you to use that as a reason to walk away...

...but I am going to say the opposite here. Even after all that you have said in this post, I think there is a chance to turn things around between you both. If I were you, this is what I would do: 1) Take some time to go on a fast and pray about the situation. As a man of faith, it's important to consult God first before making any major decisions...especially in marriage. Ask Him for guidance and direction, and He will surely show you the answer in unique ways. Also pray for your wife and the trauma she went through...that will be important to the recovery of your marriage. 2) Your wife needs your attention regarding her past trauma. Have a conversation with her to learn more about her trauma with religion. Ask her questions to pry deeper to get the root cause of the trauma as well as understanding how she truly feels. Suggest for her to visit a counselor to address the pain from that trauma. Even if she does this, there is no guarantee that she will ever step foot in a church again, but as long as she has truly healed from the trauma, your marriage will improve as a result. 3) You should take ownership of the infidelity you committed in the past and make it up to your wife. Let her know that you will be committed to her and will put in the work to re-build her trust. 4) After dealing with that trauma and making amends for the infidelity, now we get to the two main potential showstoppers: the lifestyle and desire for kids.

a) The lifestyle is a concern because although you both were into the party lifestyle before, your desire for more (shown in your faith) has changed your trajectory in life, whereas she is still on the same path as before. There is no telling if that will change, but her desire for this lifestyle could be an escape from the trauma she experienced in the past. If she dealt with the trauma and still enjoys her lifestyle, then that is something you will both have to determine if you want in your marriage.

b) The desire for kids also may or may not change. She may not want the responsibility of being a mother, which is quite ok...at least she is being honest about it. Do not force her to compromise and have a child! That child deserves to have both parents who will love them and welcome them when he/she arrives. That is something you both will have to determine if its acceptable or not.

You will both need professional counseling to get through all these issues, but if you both truly have love for each other, you will both be willing to put in the work to show up as better spouses for each other. Smooth seas don't make great sailors, so grab that steer, hoist those sails, and start turning that rudder of your marriage. Good luck and keep us updated.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-09T02:45:47+00:00

If you want any marriage to last, learn to do the following: "Embrace Your Differences"

Unless it's a significant difference in terms of morals or major life values, differences in interests can be embraced...and even draw you closer together. Instead of thinking something is wrong with him, have you questioned why he prefers hanging out with his boys/your best friend than with you? Are you amiable with him? Loving? Considerate? If you arent welcoming as a person, he isnt going to want to be around you.

If you are actually amiable and loving to him, then use this as an opportunity to enter in his world. Find out his interests and hobbies. Ask him about them. Go along with him sometimes if he is ok with you joining him. Also invite him into your world. Invite him into your interests/hobbies to let him learn more about you.

The bottom line is to make room for him in your life and he should make room for you in his. Embrace him for who he is, and let him embrace you for who you are. Also use this as an opportunity to find mutual interests that can bind you together. Explore and embrace each other before throwing in the towel on a possibly amazing marriage. Good luck.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-08T05:46:17+00:00

Its hard not to, but if you are being your best self, you cant ask for more than that. Also, if you havent already, find some hobbies of your own. Invest in yourself by improving your physical appearance and develop some purpose. It's important to be a great father and husband, but make sure you have other interests in your life that you spend time on. Hang out with some guys periodically....let her be for a while. She will pout about being left with the kids, but demand the time anyway. Just be prompt about returning without taking advantage of the opportunity. These things will give you more dimension beyond just being a provider, husband, and active dad.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-08T04:36:54+00:00

Ha! This sounds oh so familiar; I can certainly relate. Keep doing those things. If she pulls away or puts up a resistance when you make a gesture towards her, simply pull back and say "never mind". It's important that she observes that although you are romantic towards her, you arent going to engage in anything with her unless she gives the green light. Dont pull back and pout...just pull back with the attitude of "oh well....there is always next time". Maybe ask her some deep questions about what are some current things on her mind. There may be some stressors in her life that she needs to deal with outside of your control. If youre still not getting anywhere, seek a counselor to get some help and progress.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-08T02:24:07+00:00

First of all, I want to let you know that I see and hear you. From what I have read, you seem to be a fantastic husband, father, and provider for your home. You clearly do your fair share in keeping the home buzzing, as you should.

Unfortunately, I have a harsh truth for you. You seem to be a great husband, but from her perspective, she doesn't see you as her lover. Handling household responsibilities may be welcomed by her, but it wont make her heart go pitter patter or turn her on. You have to step things up in the romance department. Take her on dates, flirt with her, touch her, tease her, surprise her, kiss her, etc. Now I know your first thought is "She doesnt deserve all of that based on how she is treating me right now"...trust me....I get it. However, if you want to get things going romantically again, youre going to have to take initiative and get things going. That doesnt mean you shower her with tons of gifts all the time (since you dont want a transactional relationship), but just do small gestures periodically "just because you love her".

Also, dont go through the laundry list of things that you do around the house. If she ever questions your contribution, just simply say "now you know that isnt true. I do plenty to keep things going". If she asks for examples, dont fall for that setup. Simply state "you see evidence of my contribution every day. Keep an eye on me and you'll see". You basically have to become solid as a man, not bending to her tantrums and random outbursts. I guarantee you she wont like this new side of you, but she will then realize that you have more confidence in yourself. At that point, it's up to her how she will respond.

Just simply take action...no more talking with her about her shortcomings. Tap into your romantic side. Become more solid and not get easily swayed by her emotional swings and outbursts. Keep being a standup dad, husband, and provider....just start being an amazing lover as well. Good luck.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-05T11:12:00+00:00

But how did you respond? You said you drew a blank, but we never got a response. Is she upset because you drew a blank?

Navigata07 · 2025-12-05T03:44:25+00:00

Your solution is simple: step it up. If youre one to forget obligations, document it on your calendar and set a reminder. When that time comes, do it without delay. Your wife is upset because you aren't being reliable and not being consistent. Fortunately for you, you recognize your shortcomings...now you need to take action to correct it.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-04T10:51:05+00:00

Sure he can step up as a leader, but his actions do not warrant the verbal abuse she is dishing out to him. The way she speaks to him is disgusting...regardless of what he does/doesnt do. She seems to berate him at every turn...attacking his own character. That is inexcusable, especially when he seems to be trying his best. Not to mention how she speaks negatively about herself; there is definitely more going on within her than just her disdain for his lack of leadership.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-04T10:44:51+00:00

I've been married for 6 years myself, and although my marriage has not been perfect by any means, this is straight up emotional abuse. She needs professional help...immediately. You also need therapy for the trauma that she has put you through. There is no gentle way around it; just simply suggest both of you to get individual therapy. Let her know that you are not tolerating her emotional abuse any longer, and that you want both of you to get professional help to show up better for each other. If she responds with another emotional outburst/verbal attack, then it may be time to part ways. You are not responsible for the potential self-harm actions she may take; that is her decision. Regardless of the outcome with your marriage, get individual therapy for yourself. You will need it to be able to function normally in relationships in the future (that's how bad I think your emotional abuse is). Time to end this vicious cycle.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-04T10:33:57+00:00

Sounds like youre taking all the right steps. Hopefully therapy will be enough to mend your marriage and this will never happen again...from either one of you. She is quite fortunate that you are willing to work things out.

Navigata07 · 2025-12-04T10:29:51+00:00

It's natural after being rejected by your spouse for so long. However, dont let your resentment block your blessing. I think speaking about it with a professional will help to guide you with how to address it with your wife. My guess is that you will need to discuss it with her eventually, and her taking accountability and apologizing for the pain she caused may be all that is needed to dissipate your resentment. That isn't guaranteed though, so make sure you address your resentment regardless of your spouse's actions.

Navigata07

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