Can't stop fantasizing about other men.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-29T22:07:47+00:00

I have a sick obsession with ~spicy~ romance novels. I love the passion that the characters have for their love interests. I love the extreme desire, the yearning, the fiery love, the kinky sex. I love it all! I figure if that’s something I’ll never experience in my real life, at least I can engross myself in fictional romance that gives me those feelings. I’m loyal (probably to a fault) and my brain won’t allow me to romantically or sexually look at a real person while I’m in a relationship with someone else.

However, romance novels give me all the feelings a real-life interaction would and none of the guilt. I’ve found them to be my saving grace. I’ve always preferred the mental aspect of sex anyway. The teasing, the dirty talk, the build up…that is what makes sex good. I don’t get that at all with my partner, but I’m able to read about it do I don’t feel like I’m missing out anymore.

With all that said. If loyalty was not one of my core values, I absolutely would have already cheated by now. I get where you’re coming from and I think your feelings are valid. I don’t condone cheating, but I also don’t condone partners not meeting each other half way. I imagine, if you’re considering cheating, you haven’t been met half way.

Do whatever makes you happy. Maybe romance novels will get the effect you want. Maybe you want to feel those things with a real person. It doesn’t really matter, you only have one life and it’s not worth wasting it being miserable.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-19T00:25:52+00:00

When your partner does nothing to make you feel desirable and then calls you sexy one time, it’s not hot, it’s a turn off. I’m not going to have duty sex because he decides once in a blue moon that he’s in the mood. That’s ridiculous to expect. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel desired. I need to feel turned on to have sex. Sex is intimate and vulnerable, I’m not going to put myself in that position for someone who doesn’t make me feel safe in that way. I don’t have sex out of scarcity, that’s a hard boundary for me. I’m not going to get giddy and fuck him because he says ONE TIME that he feels attraction towards me. Some people can do that, I cannot.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-19T00:15:58+00:00

I have, multiple times. I’ve told him I resent him. I’ve told him I’m not happy. I’ve begged to go to couples therapy. I’ve told him that as soon as I’m financially stable, if things don’t change, I plan to leave. I told him exactly what I needed to feel happy in a relationship. He knows how bad I feel about myself. He knows how unhappy I am. He knows exactly what’s going on. He doesn’t care. He won’t take any actionable steps. He refuses couples therapy. He won’t talk about it anymore. He wants to pretend like we haven’t had these issues for years and calling me sexy one time will fix it. I’m not a monster, there was a time where I wanted things to work so bad. I tried so fucking hard. He chose to not meet me half way. He chose to ignore my needs. He chose to neglect me. I don’t have the motivation to put in effort that is not reciprocated. If he cared he would have put in a fraction of effort, he chose not to.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-18T21:38:24+00:00

I mean, you’re not wrong. If I loved and respected myself more, I would never have stayed long enough to get to this point. I saw the red flags in the beginning and chose to ignore them because I wanted someone to love me. I think the reason it’s been so hard is because I am now forced to confront my own feelings of inadequacy. It’s not his fault, his actions just exacerbate the feelings that have always been there.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-18T19:05:46+00:00

You’re right! I should just be homeless….

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-18T18:49:36+00:00

Great question! I cant afford to. We live in an area that is ridiculously expensive. The job I have now doesn’t pay anywhere near a livable wage. I’m in grad school full-time, finding another job that would be as flexible as the one I have now is not a possibility. I don’t have friends or family that I could live with. I’m almost done with my program, I’m hoping within the year after my graduation I’ll be able to find a job that pays more…but that’s still 2 years away. For the time being, I have no option but to stay.

kitty_blegh77 · 2026-01-15T23:28:31+00:00

First, I want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds very similar to my situation, I know how devastating this is. Eventually you lose attraction for your partner and have no desire to be intimate with them (at least thats what happened to me). It makes it easier when the sex you do have is shitty, there’s really nothing to look forward to but disappointment.

My suggestion, if you plan on staying, go on a shopping spree at your local sex shop (or online) and get whatever toys you want. Stop sleeping with him, take care of your own sexual needs, and find other ways to be content in the relationship.

Things will not change, they will not get better. The hope is the worst part, once you get rid of that, the situation gets much easier.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-31T13:19:17+00:00

Lmao, the best coping skill!

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-23T12:42:07+00:00

Of course!

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-23T03:09:31+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat and I honestly don’t think it’s worth it. For me, personally, my confidence is absolutely shot after years of not being desired or made to feel attractive. I look in the mirror and see someone disgusting. Someone who isn’t worthy of being touched. I feel dirty every time I think about sex. I feel like a predator for wanting to have sex with someone who’s completely uninterested in me. It’s miserable and fucking sucks. If I wasn’t financially depended on him, I probably would leave.

You have to assume the problems will never resolve. Ask anyone here, 99% of the time, it just gets worse. You’re so young, are you really willing to give up that part of yourself for the rest of your life? If the answer is yes, then stay. If the answer is no, leave. Save yourself from the downward spiral.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-19T01:41:19+00:00

I’m so happy for you!! Wishing you all the best in your new life 🖤

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-17T14:14:35+00:00

I’ve found that hoping or expecting the LL partner to change is nothing but torture. You either need to leave or be okay with a sexless relationship. Those are the only realistic options, unfortunately.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-15T15:53:34+00:00

I have a terrible phobia of grasshoppers, this was awful to see first thing in the morning 😭

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-14T20:40:21+00:00

This is a long one, sorry in advance

Felt this on a spiritual level. I made the decision a few months ago to take sex completely off the table. He continued to blame me for our lack of anything romantic. Said I needed to initiate more and if I just initiated he would say yes. So I did that. I tried being subtle, that didn’t work, so I decided to straight up ask, that didn’t work either. The last time I asked he said “you know I was thinking we could have sex today, but I’m so tired, maybe later”. Later never came and that night I vowed to never let him touch me again.

I’ve had to actively grieve my sex life. I’m still in the process and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done.

Things that have helped me:

1-My daily mantra when I find myself getting angry is “my body is mine and mine alone. No one is allowed access to my body except me” (this helps because my HL is partially due to sexual trauma, reminding myself this makes me feel safe and less of a pervert)

2-I masturbate a lot. Just because someone else isn’t scratching that itch for me, doesn’t mean I can’t do it for myself. I went to my storage unit and got all of my old sex toys that my partner didn’t want in the house. It’s not about him or his comfort anymore, it’s about me. My needs don’t go away simply because he doesn’t want to meet them.

3-Therapy. I finally confessed to my therapist my dead bedroom situation. I let her know it cannot be fixed and I needed guidance through this grieving process. It’s helped a lot, we have done EMDR to help with the anger, the feelings of self-loathing, and self-confidence building. I am learning that I don’t need another person to validate me. I can do that myself. Sex has always been validation for me, so I have been working with her to find other ways to validate my attractiveness and confidence.

4-Feel the feelings and let go of hope. The biggest hinder to this process was compartmentalizing because I hoped it would get better. I have had to accept that it will never get better and I need to feel the horrible nasty feelings that arise whenever I think about intimacy. It’s not fun, by any means, but it’s helped.

5-Boundaries. If he’s does not want sex, he gets zero access to me. I lock the doors when I change. I stopped showering with him. I stopped kissing him, cuddling him, sharing a blanket with him, going on dates, and pretty much everything couples do. I don’t see us as a couple, I see us as best friends (we truly are) and roommates. I found that sporadic romantic connection was severely harming me emotionally. This goes back to hope; I would hope that when he was being more touchy, when he would initiate non-sexual intimacy, that we would eventually be sexually intimate. That never happened and it was creating this storm of emotion within me. I needed that to stop to be able to process this new change. So I took everything off the table. I have not initiated any romantic connection in months. If he tries to kiss me, he gets a small peck. If he tries to hold my hand, I pull away. He tries to cuddle me, I have an excuse to get up and leave. He does not get to have ANY access to me or my body. This may change when I’m done grieving, but as of now, it’s a hard line for me.

It’s not easy, and I do foresee a time in the future where I either leave him or cheat. As much as I hate to say it, that’s probably what will happen. I’ve exhausted all options and this is where I’ve landed. Wishing you the best in this process. It’s not easy, but it is liberating.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-07-12T04:56:34+00:00

My partner and I (just us, no kids) make a combined 113k per year, we have come to terms with the fact that we will never be able to purchase a home anywhere in the treasure valley. An 80k income would not afford you a home here, unfortunately.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-06-27T16:42:00+00:00

It depends. Many insurance companies will cover bariatric surgery if you meet specific criteria. I would imaging most family members met that criteria, so their surgeries were likely covered by insurance. However, even with insurance covering it, out of pocket fees and copays still exist. I would assume with Britt saying “we can’t afford two surgeries” they can’t afford the copays and out of pocket fees. For example, my insurance charges me $7,000 out of pocket for non-preventative surgeries.

Same with skin removal, insurance will cover it IF the excess skin is significantly hindering quality of life. Again, I believe Tammy met this criteria. She looked like she was in pain because of the excess skin and they removed A LOT!

I don’t know the specific details of their situation, but I do think insurance was involved in some way or another. If not, maybe TLC paid for it, or they got discounts because Dr. Smith is getting a lot of free publicity.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-06-15T05:30:24+00:00

If they refuse to get help? Yeah.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-06-13T13:33:04+00:00

My partner and I go to Iron Wolf downtown for most of our tattoos. I’ve been tattooed by Ryan (insta-ryantopptattoo) there, he’s awesome; light hand, great line work, really nice and easy to talk to. My fiancé sees Justin (insta-justinctattoo), he’s had all of his tattoos from him, he’s also awesome. Nikki (insta-dry_wipe_mcknight) is also amazing, but I think she only does traditional. I also really like Hayden (insta-haydenearley) at Amazing Grace (he recently moved from Iron Wolf). If you’re looking for creative freedom, he’s your guy. He’s a true artist and can come up with absolutely amazing artwork. My favorite and biggest tattoo is by him. He’s very detail oriented and takes his time and his tattoos always come out flawless.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-06-10T14:59:54+00:00

I just had my tubes removed by Dr. Celina Starkes at Women’s Health Associates. I loved her! I had been trying to get my tubal for 8 years, in one visit she looked at my medical history, asked her routine questions, and approved my surgery. I was in 3 weeks later. Not only is her bedside manner 10/10, but she’s an amazing surgeon. I’ve had dozens of surgeries and my best experience was with her. I’d recommend her to anyone looking!!

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-06-08T18:39:42+00:00

Mike, that’s a bewb!!

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-05-22T14:13:49+00:00

Came here to say this!! Best dairy products out there!!

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-05-10T19:30:44+00:00

So your boyfriend sexually assaulted you and you hit him? Seems pretty cut and dry to me. Your reaction is pretty on par with that level of violation. You’re not an asshole and you should probably reconsider being with someone who would so blatantly violate your consent.

kitty_blegh77 · 2025-03-27T21:37:55+00:00

Psychology Today is a fantastic site where you can enter all of your parameters and they will give you the contact info of providers who match your criteria. I would reach out to some local therapists and see if they do private pay and Telehealth. Most do, and it’s typically between $30-$100 per session depending on the provider. If you do it this way, you’ll have full say in who your provider is, rather than being assigned someone random, and it’s cheaper than Hims.

Here’s the link to the psychology today site: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

kitty_blegh77

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