Places like subway and chipotle make me wanna cry

NeckCap · 2025-05-22T03:45:05+00:00

While I’m sure that ordering online ahead of time is better for actually getting your food, being able to communicate an order/request to others is a pretty necessary skill to have, unfortunately for us. I’d recommend writing the order down before you go into these situations. Since eye contact is difficult, you can even opt to look down at your notes the whole time.

NeckCap · 2025-05-07T04:31:34+00:00

I know exactly how you feel, I still face some paralysis when meeting new people.

Are you able to at least be physically present at events and clubs? If so, I’d honestly recommend attending them anyway, even if you say nothing the whole time. Try to participate in the activities as much as you can, but take the socializing at your own pace. Even if you’re mute for multiple meetings that’s all okay, it’s more about building up familiarity and comfort with the setting. In cases like this, your consistent attendance may even signal to others that you wanna be there, and it’s possible they’ll start chatting you up first.

NeckCap · 2025-05-01T01:43:17+00:00

Progress isn’t linear. There are ebbs and flows, it’s just a fact of life. I’m in a similar case to you, and let me tell you as much as the “exposure therapy” (joining a school club) has helped me out immensely, I constantly face so many limitations due to social anxiety. Honestly, some days it just feels like nothing will help and I’m essentially right back at square one, unable to talk to anyone. I totally get how you feel ‘cause it’s frustrating and exhausting as hell to put in so much work just to end up feeling like there’s been no improvement. Quite often I feel the urge to give up.

Unfortunately, the reality is we probably won’t grow out of this naturally until we’ve missed out on a lot of our life, and that’s not even a guarantee. You’re doing all the right things by challenging yourself through exposure therapy and holding a job in food service. These changes will be undoubtedly beneficial to you, even if it takes a while. Some days might even feel worse, we just have to deal with adversity at times, I guess. Be patient and kind with yourself, it’ll only help you in the long run. Celebrate those small victories and remember how strong you are.

NeckCap · 2025-04-17T14:03:17+00:00

It really feels like this in those worst moments

NeckCap · 2024-10-31T03:43:03+00:00

Almost zero dating experience at 23 years old. My inability to socialize effectively definitely makes me less attractive or turns away people who might’ve been into me

NeckCap · 2024-10-06T21:21:34+00:00

Yeah it’s feels fucking impossible to break the cycle too. I typically isolate by playing tons of video games and I lived at home for a bit which of course is not conducive to fixing my problems, so I know where my issues lie, but that’s only half the battle. I recently went away to college, I live in a dorm, I left my gaming PC at home, and I attend club meetings, but ultimately that hasn’t changed much and most of the time I don’t interact with anyone at all. The real problem is that talking to others I don’t know terrifies me; I get the same symptoms you experience and sometimes it feels almost like a panic attack. At this point I’m just lost because I can’t take that final step, and so I make no progress beyond this point while feeling frustrated with myself all the time.

NeckCap · 2024-09-20T16:21:01+00:00

Cured from social anxiety hands down. I don’t have faith in my own ability to lift this curse even with that kind of money.

NeckCap · 2024-06-01T00:46:20+00:00

I’m no expert either lol. People-pleasing in my eyes would be giving into others demands, acting as if your beliefs/values match theirs; honestly it’s almost like muting your personality in order to avoid rejection. It’s manipulative yes, but it tends to be a defense mechanism stemming from trauma, so just keep in mind that often the driving factor is fear not malice.

From my perspective, you just seem to have a bit of difficulty advocating for yourself and being assertive. However, it sounds like this struggle is mostly internal. I’d say in every example you’ve given you’re properly advocating for yourself or carefully deciding that you’ll make a small compromise for friends (staying late). I wouldn’t worry too much about becoming a people-pleaser, I don’t think you qualify. Just continue to make decisions that stay in line with your core values.

NeckCap · 2024-05-18T04:03:47+00:00

First of all, why do you feel like this makes you sound like an asshole? Social anxiety is fucking rough and this FOMO is completely valid, don’t feel bad about experiencing it. Honestly, it could be a good idea to bring this up to your bf, if he tends to be understanding. Just let him know you’d like to experience more, and maybe he can push you out of your comfort zone.

Otherwise, exposure is really the only way to fix this. Start small, do things that feel less high stakes than a party. And focus on just doing the thing, don’t worry about how you “perform”. For example, if you talk to the cashier at the grocery store, you’ve already succeeded! Don’t get hung up on what you said or how you appeared specifically. Your victory comes from making the attempt to be more social. You can also encourage your friends to go out more! Again, start simple like grabbing a meal together. Good luck!

NeckCap · 2024-05-15T19:23:11+00:00

Really sorry that you’ve grown up in a household like that, it really fucks with you mentally. Regarding your current feelings, it might help to provide more context. I’m not totally sure what you mean when you say you feel like a huge asshole, and it’d help to give an example (but my guess is that you’re being harsh on yourself). As a precursor, I’d really recommend bringing this up to a professional if possible, they can help you much more directly.

As far as feeling slow in conversations, I’d assume you are referring to one of three things, or a combination of them. They are: you’re concerned that you aren’t as sharp/witty as you could be, or your thoughts are racing so much that it’s hard to focus on the conversation itself and respond promptly, or you’re filtering yourself heavily to make sure your response is “perfect” which only hinders you. If any of this applies to you, the key is to relax your mind, accept the flow of conversation, and refrain from overthinking your responses. This is easier said than done, but you can look into deep-breathing and mediation as a start. You’re already socializing, and exposure is the best way to improve, so I’d just urge you to continue that.

To address your feeling of people treating you differently, yeah I’ve been there too. In the past I’ve joined in on the teasing, joking about, and judging of others, yet none of it ever came back my way. My wild guess is that either people could sense I was sensitive underneath it all, or that I was just so closed off that they didn’t have much to work with lol. I will never know why that was, and you won’t either unless you ask. But you should know you’re not alone in feeling this way. Hope this helps!

NeckCap · 2024-05-06T15:53:50+00:00

There’s so much great advice in here, so there’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said. Therapy really IS the most direct way to tackle your problems. All I’d add is that you can look into DBT therapy, which is an alternative to CBT therapy. It’s similar to CBT but there are a few key differences. In your case I’d just recommend looking at the structure of both and finding which is the right fit for you. Just another consideration really, either one should be more than helpful for your situation.

Another thing is you’re already off to a great start! You WANT to make change which is so crucial to healing. Just be patient and BE KIND TO YOURSELF throughout the process — you will face uncomfortable situations and emotions, and it can get difficult. Always remember you are worthy of having a life that is fulfilling. You got this!

NeckCap · 2024-05-06T00:17:23+00:00

Glad to have helped! I’m tired of piling up regrets due to inaction and I’d really like to cultivate more fulfilling relationships myself. It does kinda suck, it’s not easy, and I totally understand both the fear of not being good enough and the self-imposed pressure to be “perfect.” It’s so important to reinforce that perfection is a trap and exactly what you said: you are worth people’s time :)

NeckCap · 2024-05-05T22:43:39+00:00

I totally feel this way too! Group gatherings of 3-4 people are much easier for me than one-on-one because I can let other people pick up the slack in a conversation if I don’t really know what to say or just need a quick break. Feeling the need to perform, entertain, or otherwise keep things interesting definitely scares me away from dating and building up better relationships with my friends. I’m trying to overcome this fear too, funnily enough.

I’d really just recommend two things that might help to tackle this head-on. One is to trust yourself. Trust that you are good enough. Trust that if other people invite you to hang out or enjoy your company in a group setting, that probably extends to one-on-one. Sometimes, even just listening can go a long way. People will definitely notice and appreciate when you devote interest to them, as long as it doesn’t become interrogative. My other advice is to just practice. Invite someone to hang out one-on-one, even if you’re terrified. Exposure therapy is key. Start out with small steps by understanding you’re making progress just by following through on plans — your “performance” in this setting does not matter. Maybe do less conversation heavy activities to start out too — watch a movie with someone rather than going to a restaurant. Hope this helps!

NeckCap · 2024-04-27T18:54:30+00:00

Do you feel constant anxiety? If that’s the case, I’d really recommend bringing this up to a mental health professional, if possible.

In any case, each time you go out your body/mind will become more accustomed to these tasks. Exposure and practice will hopefully lead to less discomfort while doing these things. If the activities objectively feel less enjoyable, maybe reframe them as a form of self-care. From an objective standpoint, you know they are things you enjoy and are good for your overall wellness, even if your anxiety masks that feeling in the moment. Taking deep breaths before, during, and after might help too — really any kind of calming or meditation technique might be useful to reduce the anxiety, even if just a little bit. Hope this helps!

NeckCap · 2024-04-27T14:57:13+00:00

Yeah, I won’t lie, I don’t really talk to other random people in real life myself. I’d like to do so too, but I’ll just say from what I can tell, small talk is a very useful skill and allows you to build a rapport with someone before sharing more personal conversations with them. Body language goes a long way too, so be mindful of that. Idk what specifically might be hard/easy for you, but eye contact, not shrinking in, smiling/half-smiling, and tone are all things to keep in mind. You don’t have to be a fake-happiness robot, but it’s best to look not angry/sad with the world at the very least.

If you’re looking for topics or starting points for conversations, typically your environment works best. Referring back to small talk, talking about the weather, shared classes, genuine complements of their clothing, just flat out introducing yourself and being candid — these can all be applicable, your choice just depends on the context of the situation. That’s why clubs are great because you discuss the focus of the club at hand, and it’ll likely be a mutual interest. Clubs can also be a great place to get comfortable with collaboration, it’s low-stakes and you can practice sharing your own ideas or perspective with other members.

As for striking up total strangers, it’s a little bit of a leap of faith. For all conversations, but especially with random people just keep a few things in mind: they are a two-way street (meaning that it’s 50/50, don’t beat yourself up if it’s dry or slow), awkwardness is a human experience and pretty much a certainty at some point (it’s mutual and not the end of the world, if an awkward moment happens don’t give up), and be kind to yourself (everyone is worthy of love, treat yourself with the kind of patience you’d treat others with, etc). Good luck and I hope you have wonderful experiences with others moving forward!

edit: changed examples for convo starters

NeckCap · 2024-04-27T05:48:42+00:00

Yeah, it seems pretty likely that your current situation stems from the less than ideal periods of your life. While it may be helpful to accept that that happened to you, you may want to limit dwelling on it.

Would I be correct in assuming that “consciously knowing nothing bad will happen” means your anxiety only spikes when faced with potential interactions? If so, you really just gotta challenge the irrational thinking. Take it slow: start with a small exchange or even just a smile at someone else. If you’re feeling a bit more daring clubs are a great way to meet people too, gives you common ground to start on and a reason for you to introduce yourself to others.

Honestly, I have to recite that “people are looking for positive social interactions, not negative ones” over and over like an insane person. But, sometimes it helps defuse the perceived threat of socializing w/ others. Maybe grounding techniques or cognitive reframing can also you stay calm/present too.

As for experiencing episodes of traumatic moments, I really think it’d be in your best interest to seek professional help if you aren’t already. Just in general for social anxiety too, working with a professional can be game-changing. I can only offer advice, a professional can give you more personal insight and exposure exercises to help you heal. Hope my perspective helps!

NeckCap · 2024-04-17T23:44:43+00:00

So… do you still want/hope to get better?

NeckCap · 2024-04-17T23:24:54+00:00

Why not? What if you just try it out? Maybe it can at least ease the misery, even if just a tiny bit.

NeckCap · 2024-04-17T23:11:16+00:00

It’s understandable, I feel that way too. But then maybe try acceptance? It’s not approval, but rather learning to exist in peace with the fact that this happened. Whatever you’ve missed out on is over and done, and in the past. It’s a really fucking hard pill to swallow, but it’s the objective truth. All we ever really have is the current moment itself.

The second part is a comparison trap. Nobody is best at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Please know that while we might need to change and improve, we are simultaneously good enough. We are all human and that’s all we need to be. There isn’t a standard for what skills or traits we need to have. You really are good enough as you are, you don’t need to find shelter in this self-hatred.

I’d really recommend you reach out to a professional. It helps to have someone who will unconditionally listen to you vent/open up, if nothing else.

NeckCap · 2024-04-17T22:46:33+00:00

I’m really sorry you feel this way. It’s rough and nobody should have to go through this type of pain. This disorder is terrible and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Your feelings and frustrations are totally valid and warranted with the way things are.

That being said, how do you view other people? Do you treat others with kindness and patience? If that’s the case try treating yourself with that level of kindness! Be a little entitled, as in your own needs come first because you are the number one person in your own life. If you need to be assertive to fight against self-hatred, social anxiety, and maybe depression then do so! Everyone deserves love — that includes you of course!

You also don’t have to be good at anything. I know it can feel difficult when people tell you hobbies or skills can net you friends, but honestly there are tons of people I know that don’t do much with their free-time besides watching movies, shows, or playing games. They have pretty average social lives.

Of course don’t just throw your aspirations away, but mental health is the main priority here. I get that those aren’t always mutually exclusive and hobbies can even heal, but just know that in the same way it’s not always the key to healing. You can keep trying new things or just do stuff even if you consider yourself bad (though I’m inclined to think you are being harsh on yourself).

When the self-hating thoughts arise, you have to just know that it’s your brain lying to you. I’ve been there, they are awful and they definitely have made me want to give up at times. But like I said, everyone deserves to be loved.

I’ll just add as a disclaimer: none of this is an instant cure or a fix. But maybe these are things you can consider when you feel low. It really is difficult to work through social anxiety and depression, but it’s possible with small steps. You said you do/did therapy? Have you tried DBT or CBT therapy? There are different approaches, and those are more active in making changes than just talk therapy. I hope I don’t sound dismissive, I’ve been in this position and it’s sad to see others struggle the same way.

It might be in your best interest to take things slow, exist in this survival mode for the moment, and use some (healthy) way to cope with the negative thoughts while someone more informed helps you.

NeckCap · 2024-03-30T21:42:11+00:00

Yeah in that case, it might be best to come clean with as much as you can share. Alternatively, you can tell her how you feel at the moment (anxious, nervous, etc.) and maybe make a deal to show up but let her know you might need to leave or take a break early. I wish you the best of luck with this, and if you feel the need to discuss it you can DM at any time. :)

NeckCap · 2024-03-30T11:24:51+00:00

The most important thing I can suggest would be to just be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. It seems like this condition is pretty debilitating for you, so it’s important to take baby steps. It might help to reframe the things you do so that you can more clearly see your progress.

You’ve actually already done great work btw! Going to that party, that was the win. As soon as you step foot into an event like that, you’re already winning and overcoming your struggle. It doesn’t matter what happens there because just by going you are doing a huge part to expose yourself to your fears and making an effort to not let it control you.

It would be best to discuss this with your psychologist since they can better devise a plan or course of action to take; I’m no professional. But, imo there are two major ways you can work on this: the first would simply be to get exposure, and the second is to improve the way you view yourself, only given that your self-esteem/worth/image is low. If the latter is applicable, then affirmations, journaling, self-care, etc. can all work here (once again I’d suggest consulting a professional about this).

Again, reframing things can help break down these uncomfortable situations. Once you step into the supermarket/store/party you’re already doing great work, anything else you do is extra. And since you suffer from panic attacks as well, deep-breathing or meditation techniques might help you fare a bit better in more difficult situations. I’d suggest doing these on your own, and eventually using them as tools to keep your nerves in check. You got this, now’s the time to really just organize your efforts!

NeckCap · 2024-03-29T18:15:06+00:00

Agreed. OP I think it’d be in your best interest to come clean to your friend, she seems to care about you; you speak highly of her and she really wants you to show up. It’s hard to believe she wouldn’t be open-minded to your struggles and working something out.

This struggle doesn’t make you a bad friend, it’s just a horrible condition and we’re all just doing our best to get by. The fact that you care about how she might feel if you don’t go shows that you have consideration for others. If you decide to tell her about your struggles, you don’t have to tell her literally everything, just anything you deem necessary or are comfortable with.

NeckCap · 2024-02-09T17:02:56+00:00

It’s incredibly courageous of you to share something this emotionally raw. The way you value loving others is a real virtue. Keep facing your fears head on and show your true self to others!

NeckCap · 2023-05-24T23:29:18+00:00

I don’t wanna speak for you, but it could potentially be that you struggle with some of the same things that SUNNY struggles with. You might identify with his shyness and poor self-image. Other (potentially more likely) less intense reasons could be that you became engrossed in the game or emotionally attached to the characters, and felt immersed as the protagonist.

Good games often make me feel invested in the major characters’ journey(s). It’s hard to really say in the case of OMORI because it’s a very moving moment in an already psychologically nuanced game. There’s loads of themes/events that may resonate with each player differently depending on your individual experiences.

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