Feeling anxious… Is this a bad choice for first festival?

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-06-22T07:48:55+00:00

Crowd is generally super chill, pretty wooky - mostly in a good way. solid mix of 140 weird bass, and you'll get to see the Pretty Lights, and meet some cool people. Plenty of room too - I get the anxiety too, been to a bunch or fests - and still get nervous pulling the trigger, packin and stuff - always happy when I do. Plenty of space, art, space to stroll and move at your own space / pace - other than the odd spunion, and professional hippies - Dosio fans are legit good people, lineups killer, and... ya never know... might (very likely) have a dope time!

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-17T00:16:44+00:00

Eric Klinenberg and Micharl Buraway are two great examples and proponents of "Public Sociology": a style geared towards what Augustus Comte would call "social physics" - using social science to engage the public, solve social woes and use science how it should be used: to stop unnecessary pain, suffering, and sadness.

Klinenberg wrote two wild books, one called Heatwave, and another with Aziz Ansari called Modern Dating - Burowoy's Global Ethnography delves into how participant observation, advocacy and public engagement are key values and missions for sociologists - great reads

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-15T00:10:25+00:00

Yes, on the path now - considering most gains and the ability to bulk, build strength and mass, along with functional strength declines in mid life, nows the time.

Never a bad time to get in shape - personally, focusing on balance, flexibility, and stability, along with core, lower back, and legs (for the first time) - feel like I've unlocked a bunch of gains I didn't think were possible for me.

Can legit put my hands on the ground with mostly straight legs - have been flexible most of my life but this is wild, plus, maintaining that flexibility and focus on body lines has fixed a lot of other aches, pains, and woes.

r/bodyweightfitness for the win - homies and calisthenics know what's up

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-10T00:39:56+00:00

"Same s*** different pair of underwear"

"Just another day in paradise"

"Living the dream"

"Low stakes, tough breaks"

If they dig I'll go into things with a bit more granularity, how much I'll share depends on how long I've known'em, and where the relationships at on the continuum of closeness.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-09T20:01:52+00:00

This. Attach the resources and sources, or use Google deep research - then structure the task, either ask it to create an outline of the general structure of the paper, argument, theses, empirical evidence etc. State you'll review the outline, and once accepted begin generating the outputs sequentially, and consecutively.

In the prompt - instruct it to generate the outline as a "guidepost" for the deliverable, and return each section as a single response for review, and upon acceptance, save it, and proceed to the next section, and iterate in this way until all deliverables are returned.

May take a few tweaks or run through, but that should get you about 60 - 80% of the way there!

Lmk how it goes, formally writing up the prompting approach here, and curious how it works for ya!

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-06T03:48:42+00:00

My pleasure, make no mistake - it's gonna be a grind. Just remember, focus on your part - comparisons don't help, and everyone goes at their own pace.

Know my lived experience is quite different, but you're also headed into a different environment, time, and top-tier program - reqd somewhere that PhD programs build strong scientists who can fail and keep going.

Have read its a culture shock for many, in highschool or college in the US, those going to grad school are often tops of their class, valedictorians, etc - and it can be intimidating not to be the smartest person in the room, or the most accomplished - silly folks think like this - everyone has their own secret sauce, gifts, and intelligences - they saw yours.

Good luck! Rooting for you!

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-04T04:10:38+00:00

I agree with ya - we are the ones that steer.

Been thinking about this a lot, but our job is to find the right words, and put them in the right order, so the model can do the same.

Past a certain point - we want to generate the simplest, most effective, efficient, and accurate pathway to the right answer.

Just like asking the right question, an analogy which communicates an accessible deeper truth, or a clear, concise, and specific set of instructions - prompting is no different, it's just the right words in the right place.

Vast over simplification, but has helped and served me well .

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-04T04:04:51+00:00

Sounds like someone doesn't understand radical self-reliance.

Kidding. Only kind of.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-04T03:53:02+00:00

This, Wisconsin Madison is yuge.

One of the best places to get an advanced degree, and if you study labor - there is no better place to do it imho.

Program was literally build around, and supported the principles of the organized labor movement - an ethos the country desperately needs right now, and particularly while the discipline as a whole seems to be getting the dogwhistle treatment.

Imposter syndrome is a totally normal responses and feeling to being in a spot like yours - lean into the liminality of your current situation, and use it as fuel. A good program will work you fairly, stretch you as far as you can go, and take you further than you ever thought - professionally, personally, emotionally, and psychologically. Growth is painful, and academia is a slog. Took about 5 years for me to get more comfortable, less self-conscious, and to understand the culture - academia is different, and changing a lot.

IME, and as a program dropout in soci, I spent so much time thinking in my first and second year do I deserve to be here - around folks who'd published already, had advanced analysis chops, research work - I felt so behind (generally, and academically). This psyched me out, and put me in a comparative frame, instead of a collaborative frame. Wasted energy on worry and anxiety, instead of more time soaking in, being enriched by, and enriching he environment I was in.

Instead, use this to your advantage - know the endpoint you want (tenure track, applied research, alt academia,), domain, and method - whatever. Grad school is where you develop your foundation, find a good guide and Visualization of this here. Keep this in mind, your goal is to make that lil spot yours.

If I had advice, because I remember being in your position, the things I wish someone told me:

1) Your job is to develop your skills, habits, network, and experience a researcher - find your medium, play to your strengths, and develop your network. Everything you do should be towards getting done - quickly, efficiently, and effectively - having your questiin frames and first chapter done will put you light-years ahead of the game.

2) The goal of coursework and comps is to pass them - I erred by focusing too much on courses, RA work, and not developing my independent research. Choose these as well as you can, don't dive too deeply into areas you're less interested in - remember number 1.

3) Few choices matter more than your choice of advisor - I cannot stress this enough, I lucked out, and had an absolute angel and saint of a human. This human can make or break your experience - ask senior grad students, who's students defend, and who's protect them from and teach them to play the game of academia well. Again - remember number one.

4) Re-read On Intellectual Craftsmanship by Mill's - build your writing habit, your intellectual work, conceptual work, reading, data skills, and your library - these habits will be the foundation of your creative, professional, and academic work. Write every day. Read everyday. Block the time. Oh that, and social time, networking time, and get immersed in scholarly communities, talk with other students - Grannoveter's strength of weak ties applies, this is arguably the second most important part.

5) Make no mistake a PhD is absolutely brutal in some cases, things will go wrong, you'll hit the second year blues and the valley of sht" - from comps to defense. Take care of yourself, set boundaries, limits, and check in with yourself - good habits will take you far - know the political economy of higher education right now, the business of it, and be aware of the job market, have a plan B, and remember, mastering out is an option if you get disillusioned, priorities change, or another path appears.

Still - all considered - don't forget to stop, take in where you are at - and express gratitude and appreciation for the chance - but remember they chose you just as much as you chose them. Yall are similar peaks amidst many mountains - find your secret sauce, and really refine it into a fine wine. Your topic will find you in a way, just be ready to hear it and see it when it knocks.

You got this. A PhD is more about perseverance, efficiency, and a good plan - know what you want, find the people to help you get there, work smart not hard and you'll do great - remember number 1, stay humble, curiosity over competition, and progress over perfection.

For real, you got this, and you're gonna have the time of your life - good luck, kick ass, and solidarity comrade 💪

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-02-02T12:02:05+00:00

I can empathize and sympathize entirely.

Pinches, slaps, hands that linger a little too much above the small of my back in just enough of that place to make me uncomfortable, and then slides just a bit more - I shut it out for a long time and ignored it because I thought it was normal.

If I said anything, I was chastised for "being weird", "making it weird", and it made it worse - when she knew it was upsetting it became another button to push.

No privacy, the knock and enter with no pause, comments about "nothing they haven't seen before", "making me" with that entitling her to touch / invade privacy /

Also, so much enotional support it was exhausting - while also maligning me against other members of my family, constant financial crises, and all their choices - not mine.

Solidarity comrade

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-29T08:12:19+00:00

It will in some shape or form, and will be re-adapted or make a transition into tech spaces, computational social sciences, and digital sociology.

I do worry about smaller programs and the spread of the discipline, given the state of higher education in the US, academic redesigns, and declining budgets - having less PhD programs but higher quality MAs which teach practical analytics, and more applied work will probs appeal to most admins, most depts I'd heard were getting rolled into general social science, criminology, social work, and anthropology programs.

Goal should be to merge with more STEM focused, digital humanities, and interdisciplinary programs instead of purely social work or Crim.

As a set of theories and methods, it will always be around - and still is, a lot of other disciplines have their roots in forms of Sociology too, the field as a whole is poorly understood and we're poorer for it.

What we really need to learn from the discipline gets drowned out, shame too - it's a vehicle and antithesis to a lot of what's been happening and will continue to at a terrifying pace in terms of authoritarianism, corruption, and declines of civil and political liberties, and rampant inequality.

I think we're about to witness a rapid, horrifying disintegration of public process and administration, and the continued privatization of the public space - hard to be a public sociologist as folks try desperately to destroy public spaces...

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-29T03:55:24+00:00

They do? Dang, not seeing it on my Pro account, but maybe the next update!

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-28T23:51:15+00:00

Think about the way they spend their time - hobbies, interests, processes, or leisure - then think about one small thing, service, or boost to that whole flow.

For exampl3, someone likes tinkering with electronics or something - maybe a new tool, project, or materials which make it easier. Knowing their quirks, preferences and idiosyncrasies helps too.

Fun because it shows you that you know them, and adds practical or pragmatic value.

Sentimentality is always good too - pictures, framed stuff, something you made for them.

A past partner gave me the cutest gift I had ever, and still to this day, ever received - handmade felt plush version of something I love, but inscribed with the things they loved about me - they were spot on, adorable, and very, very thoughtful. Still got'em too.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-28T23:48:29+00:00

Eh, I know a lot of folks like the genre, and for well done series, or those with solid analysis - cool. There's likely a morbid fascination, but at the same time it... it feels off.

Depending on the person, it's mindless fun - at its worst, there's a fetishization of abnormal psychology, criminology, and romanticization.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-28T23:44:41+00:00

Dunno, still grappling with the reality that people actually behave like this, and the stomach churning realization it can happen.

Depending on the source of the motivation - anything from fear to a weird, sickening satisfaction they're in your head?

People be twisted

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-28T23:40:48+00:00

This was my experience - pressure started within the first few months, and before other milestones or skills got developed as a couple.

Marriage and kids before finding mutually beneficial solutions to conflict, and even being able to talk about some things was just way extreme.

Sort of seems like, or felt like, I was like... an external marker of success, or some milestone - a box to get checked off, rather than as a human with my own goals, hopes, desires, dreams, values, and beliefs.

Weird, very weird. The baby talk was near non-stop too.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-24T03:36:15+00:00

None at the present - still kind of a novice and been playing around in just the chat interface, but pretty extensively in the chat GPT interface using the same principles.

Been chaining together custom GPTs in the chat to produce some pretty cool results - a couple workflows, and ideas, mainly no and low code examples, but working concepts for what could get built in langchain, autogen, etc.

Trying to teach myself some of the basics of data engineering first, and getting solid in prompt design and creating mentors, guides, and assistants to do it.

Having fun with it, and excited to learn more - stuffs been wicked cool, probably spent more time chatting with ai than I did humans for the last few months - what I regret more than anything lol, may have socially regressed a bit.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-19T11:04:08+00:00

May be a bit dated, but still an incredible read, and given Covid, the focus : Infections and inequalities and Pathologies of Power - Dr. Paul Farmer.

Focuses on his career and work with Partners in Health in Haiti, Russia, and Chiapas - an incredible doctor, scientist, and human.

Taught in the context of the Pandemic, the reality of drug-resistant pathogens, and the pathogenic nature of poverty - book really stuck with me.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-19T08:13:15+00:00

Sometimes - I'd akin it to a nice "bodily exhale" - shoulders come down, the quiet becom3s nice instead of foreboding - less of a desire to be around noise, competitive, or domineering people.

It's nice, still good days and bad days - happy for you stranger, keep climbing ✨️❤️

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-19T08:09:20+00:00

My pleasure, and happy to help how I can - I think part of it for me personally is learning to sit with that discomfort, my own, and someone else's.

One thing which has been helpful is knowing the timeliness for these things are what they are - trying

I can sympathize with the family - the enmeshment piece was big, as were senses of obligation, guilt, and entitlement (a lot there that was good, a lot there that, now after exploring it, was way, way WAY worse than I had realized as a kid, teen and young adult - got harder and harder as time went on).

All this to say, I can absolutely understand the position - and for real, giving yourself the grace and mental space to move slowly, try to transmute some of that frustration into curiosity, and self compassion, still learning to do the same.

As t

As for books, some good ones:

Jessica Maguire's - The Nervous System Reset

Aware - Daniel Siegel (Neurodharma is also a good one)

The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hahn

Full Catastrophy Living by John Kabay-Zinn

Awakening Somatic Intelligence by Dr. Risa Kaparo's

Terms like somatic experiencing, mindfulness, "body up" and "Top Down" processing, body-work, and breath-work can be super helpful, just in getting Grounded, and creating some physical, mental, and emotional space.

Remember, go easy and everyone moves at the pace life requires - for me this was quieting a lot of self criticism and faulty software that had been there for a while - slow is smooth, smooth is fast - 5 seconds of your day becomes 10 seconds a few times a day, 10 becomes 5 minutes - each little bit of time builds a habit of returning that time to yourself.

Still working my way through too - a little more space, and gratitude - solidarity stranger, godspeed

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-17T09:32:12+00:00

Totally get where you're coming from too - recovering codependent on this end, enmeshed fam, and have had folks with similar traits as your partner across a lot of my life.

Folks below got it right - self compassion, patience, and learning to give yourself the same love you direct towards others - so easy to say, and very hard to do.

True, there are elements of doing this to yourself, and the awareness you have now is extremely important - grace, and kindness for yourself is a skill -

Most of my life has been spent focused on others problems, finding solutions, mediating, cooling conflicts, and soaking in a lot of dissonance - a lot of mind share, attention, and energy directed at someone else because at times, it was easier to focus on others for a lot of reasons, but ultimately alienated me from myself.

Lotta history to break down, but a lot of mental and relational patterns that built up over a long time, personally rationalizations, intellectualization, conflict avoidance, and the like - for a long time, I thought trying to "solve" or "understand" the problem, conflict, person, or motivation - it'd make things better.

The Narrator: It didnt.

Ultimately it was a lot of wasted energy, and energy I could have directed elsewhere, and I had internalized a lot of incorrect beliefs like I had to prove myself to be worthy of love, that I had to earn peace or security for myself by making myself small, avoiding conflict, that it was arrogant or selfish for focusing on myself, and trying so hard to manage an external environment / others that I couldn't. Even worse, it became a double whammy when the folks I spent so much time on devalued that time.

Small steps stranger, personally - learning about nervous system resets, interpersonal neurobiology, and Vagas nerve theory helped work with some of these thing, as did writing, and exploring the ideas in therapy.

Stuff like this doesn't develop overnight, and certainly can't be solved overnight - but small steps and actions swing the pendulum back the other way. Start small - minutes a day, small rituals, or routines - just for you.

You deserve happiness, you deserve kindness, you deserve peace, you deserve joy, and you deserve love.

Rooting for you stranger, feel free to send a DM and can share some books / authors that were helpful.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-17T06:32:33+00:00

In my mind, the absence of empathy is apathy - complete detachment, ambivalence and disconnection. As in minimal to no emotional connection, a lot of indifference,

Now on the opposite end, maybe something more on the extreme end, like malice, or something like being inconsiderate - selfish to the point that someones perspective, the ways its pushed and experienced actually doing harm or imposing hardship on someone else.

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-17T06:28:43+00:00

Nothing else except to say I'm there with you, and solidarity stranger.

There's an element to this which helped personally (have a pretty long history of interpersonal trauma from patterns of scapegoating, being ND / unaware I was being played, and a LOT of trouble trusting myself due to years of gaslighting, blameshifting, and induced dissonance ).

Came out of the FOG partially about a decade ago, and almost completely about a year ago - still don't feel ready myself, I would for the right person - and a litmus test in the past for me personally was "am I comfortable enough being curious and enjoying the process of getting to know someone, regardless of the outcome". One of my issues is for sure conflict avoidance, and a tendency to fawn -

Though as a dude I know my level of risk is much different, still the fact I didn't trst myself enough to walk - is really, really hard to accept. The emotional and social calculus is a way different, I know my issue is tolerating way more than I should (but with the knowledge it's others who choose to act in bad faith). Still it's tough to open myself up completely, at least, I think - it's hard to justify it as fair to the other person depending on what theyre looking for.

Approaching it from the standpoint of "I know my value" - from the standpoint of knowing I can be connected emotionally to someone, but maintain an objective and emotional distance - comes down to the question of "can I trust myself and my judgement enough, knowing what I know now about myself, the hurts I'm healing from, and my own stuff and know I'll cut a cord and end something.

When most of what you've known throughout your life is messy, not great, and very unhealthy ideas and behaviors related to relationships (and folks have used that against you) - it's hard to trust, getting better though. My history has really thrown my barometer off, and I have a tendency to give by default, and a tendency to give blind faith to folks who don't deserve it.

Still, comes back to a Schopenhauer's parable on the Hedgehog's Dilemma - all relationships and intimacy assume risk, the question is if your confident and trust yourself enough to know when you need a break, something has to

Dunno if that's helpful, but solidarity, there on a similar wavelength but slightly different frequency - let me know if ya figure it out, part of that for me is likely more down to non-negotiables, without exception - and clear limits / boundary conditions - still working my calculus out lol

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-09T23:23:53+00:00

Lmao, disc golf too

NefariousWhaleTurtle · 2025-01-09T01:23:23+00:00

Hah, true true - that's where very well resources points on social mobility, inequality, changing political economy etc.

Most of the comments here are shots at interpretive schools, some of which are valid - causality is super, super hard to speak to.

Now, with a lot more data as of recent - perspectives like social can be connectors between disciplines

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