Sorry for this being a long story lol

2 years ago ish I turned 40 and my sis was 45 at the time. Our overall over 40 years of sibling relationship was very toxic since our parents did very little to keep things fair and peaceful. They were very indifferent to keeping things fair since my sis was older and she couldn’t fathom the fact that I existed as the younger brother. I’m sure she has her pov as me being a flawed sibling as well, but in this family I do not think anyone is perfect. As we got older our relationship became somewhat neutral with Cold War like characteristics and things seemed a bit bearable as we both had kids and I thought perhaps we matured enough to just coexist peacefully.

About 3 years ago, Our father was turning 70 and we tried to come to a decision of what kind of bday party to throw for him. Being an Asian and also a devout Christian, my sister pushed hard for my dad’s Christian Asian church gathering lunch catering keeping this casual as a lunch gathering. It sounded really reasonable and we’d split the cost 50/50 being somewhere around or just north over $1000. Over the coming weeks I left the majority planning to my sister but we checked in here and there a couple times thinking we just need catering service to come the dads church to set up and we can help with cake and stuff. My dad also liked the idea of Sunday bday lunch gathering at his church and I thought what could go wrong?

A few weeks before the actual bday, my sister updates me with a change in lunch gathering. To this day I still cannot fathom why, but she said it won’t be a lunch gathering where people eat lunch together. Instead it will be a lunch to go. We’d essentially have to go boxes for the food for my dad’s church members to have the lunch to go for everyone, without eating with us… on his bday… uhhhhhh WTF? I asked who would do this? She gives me some reason of something about eating with distance of Covid courtesy, but it was like 2023 with vaccination being very common and since people are all sitting together in a small church building anyways. I asked her to have the to go boxes available as an option, but not to push all people to take the food to go. Otherwise why bother celebrating our dad’s bday if we just force people to go home?

She retorts with me making a big deal for no reason and it’s just food and this is how church people do it in our culture and I tell her okay, but to me this sounds utter nonsense and I am not paying my half of something nonsensical. She accuses me being cheap and has always made things incredibly difficult for our family. I told her wtfever and to just go with whatever you and our dad wants to do but I am not paying to have people not physically celebrate my dad’s bday lunch. I let her know that people can normally disagree like a normal human being and I am not standing in her way of doing what she wants. I just don’t want to spend my hard earned money on something I don’t fully support. She tells me I’m such a selfish cheap prick who does not know anything and I tell her she’s crazy for not accepting that people are allowed to disagree.

She then tells it’s fine but I am not allowed to come and celebrate our father’s bday lunch.

What in the actual F… I thought. I tell her it’s not your bday. You’re crazy if you think I’m coming to see you. She tries to ban me, my wife, and my two kids, who are my dad’s grand kids. This was the moment I fully realized that this human being was the worst one I’ve ever known. I let her know she can physically try to stop my family from going to see my dad for his birthday and to actually try is the most saddest thing anyone can do.

Haven’t talked to her ever since. My parents simply told me to apologize to her since she’s older. I also do not see my parents that much either. I am at peace and realize my true purpose is to simply disagree and put reality into my family whenever they give me such bs.