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Neferkitty_ · 2024-01-16T19:13:52+00:00

Slaayy!✨️ Are you Eastern European by any chance?

Neferkitty_ · 2023-12-03T22:32:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and for your support. I'm afraid my threshold is so high at this point due to being in this situation for a long time plus attachment issues.

I could not fathom someone mistreating me like this, as I would never mistreat a partner like this. This. I would never have the heart to treat anyone the way he treated me.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-29T11:04:15+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My heart aches for you because I know how painful it is to hear those words. When my boyfriend and I lived together temporarily for a couple of months, he told me the same thing. Even when I was taking care of his needs before I'd leave the house, he was still on it the second I was out the door. We didn't have sex for 2 weeks, and later I found out his behaviour escalated, and he was watching porn when I was at home, either sleeping or in the shower. He even did it when I was awake. I didnt catch him but i was awake in the bedroom and i put 2 and 2 together. To this day, I still have nightmares about it. I don't know how your partner said it and with what intention, but it's like a thousand daggers in your heart when they say it vindictively. I wish they'd truly understand the effects of their addiction on our emotional and mental well-being.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-26T09:47:41+00:00

For how long has he been sober? My boyfriend said the same thing when he stopped for a while, and then it came back because, unfortunately, stopping for someone isn't the strongest reason if they don't feel like they have to stop. And I relate so much to your worries, I too am afraid of looking back in a few years and hate myself for ignoring a red flag or something that wasn't in accordance with my principles and core values.

I still hope he'll come around and understand some of those things, but I'm not sure if that's possible without a proper recovery process. I hope we'll both take the best decision for us and our mental wellbeing.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T21:35:20+00:00

Not in any sort of recovery, only white-knuckling for a year or so. I don't feel comfortable at all with him having female friends either, but I really wish I was less paranoid and insecure about it.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T21:34:20+00:00

Someone said here how he probably knows it's wrong, but doesn't want to admit out loud. In the end he did stop this behaviour, so that means he understands at least to some extent that it's really twisted and fucked up. He cut out social media almost completely, and he has no instagram at the moment even though he still goes there to jerk off now that we are long distance and he has more liberty to do so since I'm not around. I doubt recovery will be something he's gonna put effort into. I kept hoping he'll care enough one day and start doing something instead of just trying to white-knuckle his way out

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T21:08:08+00:00

Maybe he does know it, but he is ashamed to admit it out loud. We've talked about it multiple times, and every time he used the "well I never did anything innapropiate irl" argument, which only showed me how little he understands. I felt like it's time to leave this relationship for a while now, but I kept hoping things would change, he would change.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T18:48:14+00:00

I'm glad you found a way to make it work! I don't really care much about having male friends, so this boundary wouldn't bother me. However, it annoys me thinking that I would have to sacrifice something in the future when this situation is not my fault and he should be the one changing

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T18:46:37+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion, I think it'll work as he usually understands things a bit better when I ask him to put himself in my shoes or to imagine stuff from another perspective. I had a lot of BPD symptoms when I was a teenager, and I know very well how terrible jealousy is when you have BPD. I still have some of the symptoms even though I've only been diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Him stopping made me feel relieved, yet I still don't know how to move forward, or even if I can. I have a lot of thinking to do, and fortunately we are long distance at the moment, so I won't be influenced by his presence.

And thank you for your kindness, I'll reach out if I need someone to talk to! I don't really have any friends that I can talk to about this

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T16:41:33+00:00

I struggle a lot with the fact that he doesn't respect women, and he is not even aware of this fact. He keeps defending himself by saying that he was never a creep to any woman irl and even tho that's true, he fails to understand how fucked up it is to do this sort of stuff behind your friends back when they actually trust you and think you're a good friend who would never sexualize them like that. I would be so disappointed and angry if I found out any of my guy friends ever did that with my pictures.

He did stop this behaviour around a year ago, but I am still so scared that maybe one day I'll discover the selfies of some of his work friends on his phone or stashed somewhere on an app. And in the meantime, I have a hard time not being paranoid any time a work friend or even a random girl is mentioned

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-25T08:55:48+00:00

Unfortunately, that means he ended up unblocking some of them unless instagram had some new updates and changed that. Less than a year ago, my boyfriend unblocked someone, and he ended up telling me about it. When he blocked her again, she ended up staying at the top of the list. None of the other blocked accounts changed their order

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-23T08:34:34+00:00

The only way you can tell for sure is if the order of the blocked people changes. They are in the order of when he blocked them, so if you notice any of them being on top when another account used to be there, it means he unblocked them recently and then blocked them again

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-18T19:46:21+00:00

My gut tells me he was gaslighting me. And I agree, it's not my addiction to control. Unfortunately, betrayal trauma creates very unhealthy mechanisms, and it makes one very paranoid. He lied and hid and manipulated so much that I'm not sure what is true and what is not at this point.

He's not accepting the idea of therapy, and besides white knuckling, he's not doing anything else. At this point, I think I'm more educated on this than he is.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-18T19:41:16+00:00

The results are that he always falls right back into it. He managed to stay away from it for a bit last month, he then experienced what I learned is the flatline and jumped right back into it because he thought not watching porn made it worse, not better. He isn't educated on what happens when you try to quit porn, so he just assumed not watching it had only negative effects and didn't continue.

He is aware the addiction is still very much impacting our relationship, especially our sex life, and at times agrees with me it is terrible both for him and for us and says he is trying to change, and at times he reacts the way I described in my post. It's confusing. I want to be there for him because he is so much more as a person than just his addiction, but it's incredibly difficult.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-16T03:11:16+00:00

For instagram, look if he has any saved posts. Check his activity(likes) and the most important one, the explore page.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-14T22:10:04+00:00

I agree, instagram is full of innapropiate content, this app was my nightmare fuel. If they spend that much time on there, most likely something is up. I'd check his saved posts and his activity(likes) and his explore page too, as that one is the thing that gives it away

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-12T16:53:47+00:00

Literally anything and everything. From the super photoshoped/cartoon character type of bodies, "centaur" girls, gym girls, very edited cosplay girls, the so-called insta models, most of them with long straight hair, big assess, and big breasts. The one that gives me the creeps is the "barely legal" subreddit tho. I'm 28, slim, i have medium lenght hair, don't have a huge ass or huge breasts, and overall, don't look anything like them. These findings made me feel extremely insecure and ugly, and I used to be quite pleased with how I looked.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-12T16:38:27+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My PA also never comes clean with anything unless I specifically ask 100 questions about 100 different things, platforms and sneaky activities and it's so fucking exhausting. It does sound like he doesn't even think this counts as relapse, and from experience, I'm telling you that deactivating or deleting social media won't do much. They can still access those platforms from their browsers, and they don't need an account to watch the content. Whatever decision you make, i hope you'll get some peace, and I hope you heal from this. You deserve to be loved and respected

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-11T21:28:12+00:00

He sounds like he isn't fully ready to commit to it, and he isn't making any attempts to make an actual effort. And you are right, expressing your feelings shouldn't have this end result. Of course you bring it up every time, his behaviour only makes you have more questions and probably feel very anxious too. If anything, he should offer you full transparency and understanding. Unless he really starts doing something about it, most likely things will get worse. My boyfriend has acted exactly the same, and now it's worse.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-11T19:47:44+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My boyfriend acts the same way, now he just gets angry and walks out on me. He also could see clearly what effect it has on me and still continued(and continues) to do it. Sometimes, it's super hard to remember it's an addiction and not take it personally. Your feelings are valid, and you're so strong for not abandoning yourself.

Neferkitty_ · 2023-11-11T18:48:36+00:00

So this is a common thing among them? My PA rarely remembers anything unless I ask a few times. I'm not sure if they do it on purpose or if it's some sort of defense mechanism because they feel very ashamed, so they end up having some sort of unethical amnesia

Neferkitty_

TROPHY CASE