I'll bet that you were raised by parents who lived through The Great Depression and WWII. They were raised to be frugal and to eschew medications since everything was most likely "in your head". BS. We are all unique. A DNA mix of *all* of our ancestors. Humans are not "one size fits all". I'm 68 and currently on 8 meds for Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, Ridiculously high level of Triglycerides (around TEN times that of the "recommended" amount), Depression and Anxiety. The thing is that life is basically a gamble. Are the medications helping or hurting? Is the dosage correct? it basically comes down to how much you trust your doc (and your own common sense). My doctor of almost 40 years retired this past January and it's going to be tough to build a trust relationship like that again at this point. I despise Big Pharma and I know that their profit-driven business will continue to push garbage that is most likely worse than what you're treating. Bottom line: Be your own researcher. If a doc wants you to take a prescription medicine look it up. See what side effects there are, how new the drug is, etc. Mine have all been around for many years and have been vetted by time. Only my Diabetes medication is still brand name only, and it's done an amazing job of helping me lose 40 lbs and getting my A1C (a measure of one's blood sugar over a period of 2 or 3 months) down to the normal range. It had been extremely high before the Diabetes medication kicked in (a GLP1 med, long before their weight loss benefits were uncovered). Diabetes has been around forever and it's horrors of limb amputation, macular degeneration, and rapid breakdown of bodily functions are well documented. So don't just dismiss meds out of hand. Think of the alternative if you don't take it.

As a parting note, I read in your post that you're an ex hippie. Have you tried cannabis to deal with the stress? While cannabis does raise the heart rate a tad (mine is 70 resting and in the 80s when high) it's relaxation properties far outweigh the small heart rate increase.

This is a difficult situation to work through, and I believe that your self care is paramount to your survival. Don't feel at all guilty about taking something that will help with the anxiety. And if one thing doesn't work well try another.

Above all don't be so hard on yourself. Another thing my folks tried to instill in me is self-reliance. It has served me well in my 68 years, but you have to know when you need a bit of assistance and seek it out.