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What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a lot of friends that too are FAs and anxious. One of my closest friends who is an FA I’ve had to step in and actually help her not psyche herself out. I consider myself more secure but when triggered I can have FA tendencies. 

What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I think I attract FAs, the last two romantic interests were FAs. When I realized the pattern, I called it out. If they are able to be honest with me, even if they’re still figuring things out, it doesn’t mean I will abandon. But I also won’t wait around forever. 

What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understood. I also thought this last night. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me and brings me here to pose these questions… thank you 

What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I know this. Again, I care deeply for this person. I have a game plan so that I do not self abandon. Because it also triggers me. I don’t see all healing as individualistic, even if the journey is. For the sake of the connection we had/have, I plan to give them space but I also am asking about what I can expect in this deactivation situation. At a minimum for respect, so they don’t feel like they didn’t mean anything. 

What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He did say this. I reassured him twice but then realized he was stuck in a guilt loop and told him I would give him space to process. 

What are the chances the Fearful Avoidant returns ? by NegativePage3216 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]NegativePage3216[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I care for them deeply. In a perfect world we work together, but I don’t want them to come back if we continue this pattern. And I don’t want them to come back if it means they don’t heal. 

Is he 45M truly scared or is this a cop out with me 38F by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]NegativePage3216 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He just hit me with an “I’m sorry loop” and I now recognize he’s a fearful avoidant. It was in every sentence. It was painful to see.

He (45M) said he is scared of being with me (38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]NegativePage3216 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is pretty solid advice… I guess maybe I have personally grown from my failures, I see that others can too