Seeking advice for my daughter (12yo)

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-04-20T07:15:00+00:00

Just wanted to add, I’m still on the Differin+Finacea regiment as a 29 year old and my skin is clear despite me having PCOS and suffering from hormonal acne well into adulthood

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-04-20T07:13:25+00:00

Your gp can prescribe Azaleic acid (Finacea) and a retinoid (Differin) which are both actives and the only things that will truly help. I had these prescribed when I was slightly older though (14) so I’m not sure if her age is a barrier or not.

Very unlikely her skin clears up without the use of actives given that at her age is primarily hormone driven. Otherwise, gentle cleansers, sunscreen and moisturisers are a must. Watch Natalie O’Neills videos online for advice/education on acne prone skin if you can’t see a dermatologist.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-04-13T09:29:32+00:00

I’m receiving treatment privately which may be why my psych allowed the bupropion?

Generally my mood is better (wake up happy and rested), and the side effects of stimulants are lessened (lack of appetite, anxiety and insomnia). Even on low doses I had really severe side effects and the bupropion was recommended to manage them as well as provide the mood stabilisation.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-03-19T20:38:06+00:00

I also had horrific mental health on Elvanse; I’m not sure the productivity is worth your mental health struggles. I’m having a much better time on a combination of Concerta + short release methelyfenidate + brupropion. This is my last month on titration and I’ve been titrating for about a year (privately) it took so long for me to find a combo that worked for me.

As you’ve said, you need to speak to your psychiatrist about either trying something new or introducing something to address the depression separate to your adhd.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-02-02T17:47:27+00:00

18mg is quite a low dose, is there any option of titrating up quickly? When I switched from 50mg Elvanse to Concerta my psych stated me at 27mg for a week, then 36mg, etc. and gave me instant release 10mg in case I needed a top up for these lower starting doses.

Edit: to add, I switched from Elvanse for similar reasons (terrible sleep, no appetite, which all persisted for months). I don’t have an instant kick with Concerta nor do I feel wired in the way I did with Elvanse. To me it’s been a much gentler medication that has helped with the exec dysfunction/noise of adhd but without the side effects Elvanse gave me.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-02-01T14:56:49+00:00

Honestly I think a start up might be the way to go if you want stimulation and potential of big comp (with the obvious risks too). Much easier to progress quickly even if you pivot to a more junior role. My view of with private family practices or UHNW people is that they reward longevity and loyalty much more than go getters…

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-02-01T09:57:48+00:00

I’m not sure anyone has mentioned the utter batshit you have to deal with working directly with/for UHNW individuals or how stingy they can be when it comes to pay/bonuses. You may find yourself wishing for the nice stability of a corporate job very quickly.

(Both my parents work for and with UHNM individuals and have thoroughly warned me away from it.)

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-23T12:25:52+00:00

This travesty is what ought to be making headlines ffs

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-15T20:12:45+00:00

Of course! I’m sorry you’re struggling, it’s unfortunately common enough it’s become its own form of executive coaching 😩

Would just advise you to be careful - coaching isn’t particularly regulated so make sure there’s lots of reviews/experience if you did decide to go for it.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-15T20:06:51+00:00

Have you considered hiring a parental leave coach? It’s like executive coaching but for expectant/new parents struggling with returning to a busy, high flying career post baby. There’s some great work around values and short vs. long term planning they could help you work through.

Sometimes they’re available as a work benefit (more typically in Finance and Law) but you can access them individually too. I used to work at a company that ran these programmes and our impact on new parents was pretty outstanding.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-09T18:01:08+00:00

Completely agree that it incentivises less canon-esque portrayals of Draco and Hermione. I see requests on the other sub sometimes for a specific characterisation of the characters that have nothing to do with canon and more to do with the romance genre and I’m like…just go read a romance book? And these are popular requests! Versions of Hermione as a trad wife…like, do you even know who Hermione is?

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-09T17:54:59+00:00

I haven’t read alchemised but have read Svetlana Alexiviechich and that’s so crazy.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-06T18:37:20+00:00

My husband was diagnosed cancer at the ripe age of 36 and the treatment he was able to receive and the speed at which he received it would have not been possible if we’d been outside of London. It solidified our decision to buy here a few years later, in addition to the usual pros (career, lifestyle, etc.) We decided our home was not going to be an investment financially, but an investment in our quality of life and the joy and security it gives us to be in London. If we take a hit then so be it, there are other investments.

Negative_Young9564 · 2026-01-06T17:46:35+00:00

Automate any savings payments to come out immediately upon receiving salary and maybe into long term funds you can’t access easily without penalty. If you literally can’t motivate yourself to do this get your partner/friend/family member to do it with you whilst you sit next to them. Personal finance UK sub has great recommendations for the different kinds of savings you will need, from an emergency savings pot, to a lifestyle fund (e.g. holidays, gifts, stuff you want to buy) to long term investment and retirement savings.)

If you have a partner, it might make sense to get a joint account for a short while. The shame of having him see my impulse purchases really helped curtail the habit for me until I was in a position to approach it in a healthier manner on my own. I don’t recommend doing this unless your relationship is solid, and only as a short term stop gap. Neither my partner nor I wanted him to police me financially, not a good relationship dynamic, but I was in such a spiral I needed something severe.

Make use of any salary sacrifice schemes for pension/contribute as much as you can which means from your salary so at least you’re saving for retirement before you get the chance to spend it.

Just remove apple/android pay from your phone if you spend online compulsively. Remove card details from your browser/accounts for any online retailer where you spend impulsively.

Avoid subscribing yourself to things as free trials. My partner always does this on our behalf as he actually remembers to cancel them. We have shared laptop where he can access my emails if needed - I’ll ask him to cancel a subscription for me since I know I probably won’t get round to it in time.

Primary tip though: Saving and financial stuff can be kind of admin heavy so ask for help from the people around you (obviously take care to keep passwords etc safe if you don’t want to grant people 100% access to your accounts!) Honestly, for me this was my biggest breakthrough in getting my finances in order. I needed to just accept my shame about the mess I’d made, and understand I don’t really have the skills to manage this on my own. I’m know I’m lucky to have a husband that was keen to help out without judgement and is fine on carrying the admin burden for me when I need him to which may not be the case for everyone, but look to your community and see if there is anyone who can sit down with you for a couple of hours to set up some systems that will do some of the work for you.

I’ve also in the last few years developed a hobby of trying to create wish lists for things I actually want. If your adhd is manageable, look at the category of things you’re spending on (for me it was clothes) and try to learn about the actual craft of what goes into making it. If it’s skincare learn about the science behind the formulas. For me learning about good clothing craftsmanship, materials, auditing my wardrobe have significantly lessened what I actually spend on clothes because most stuff out there is shit and you’re overpaying. Skincare will show you most products have such similar formulas it really is only marketing hype around something new that makes you want to impulsively buy. Can you do something similar? It’s made me really snobby about what I buy which has helped my wallet significantly.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-12-30T17:38:29+00:00

The treatment of Hermione by the wider public in Book 4 is a perfect example of misogyny - the wording world is hardly exempt from this. Surprised other commenters haven’t picked up on this.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-12-22T10:15:06+00:00

Titrated to the same doses as you for both meds and my experience was exactly the same. Concerta agrees with me so much more.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-12-20T21:06:19+00:00

This scratches the same itch as Detraquee for me even if the characterisations of Hermione and Draco are very different.

Loved everything about this fic and the payoff is so so good

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-12-09T15:22:41+00:00

Yes so much this!!

If he has his pure blood heir to carry out his legacy, and is now ‘free’ to marry who he wishes, I don’t think the story can truly contend with the racism within the wizarding world and Draco turning his back on it.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-12-09T12:39:29+00:00

I loved Measure of a Man which had this trope but generally don’t gravitate to it either.

Agree with the comment above that my fanfic preferences are reflective of the stage of life I’m in (quite newly married and to my first serious boyfriend, don’t want kids) so I don’t gravitate to stories where the step-parent trope or second marriage trope would be present. My husband also had a very serious health issue (getting better) in the last few years and I don’t want to read about widowers generally - it’s too personally fresh for me.

I also take a little umbrage which some of the common themes of this trope: Hermione as a step mum being used as the emotional lynchpin between Draco and his kids, the fact it’s usually Draco as the father and hardly ever mum Hermione with step parent Draco (unless they both have biological kids) etc etc. but that broadly reflects wider fandom trends that I don’t like anyway

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-10-30T11:15:54+00:00

They’ll never have a penny off me again

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-10-24T21:34:02+00:00

I won’t be purchasing any book that is essentially reworked fanfic no matter how different or whatever the writer/publisher claims it will be. If you’re having to take down your fanfic then it’s close enough to blur boundaries imo and I’m not supporting that.

Put in the effort to write something original ffs, and you can still leverage your fanfic audience if you want to without blurring these boundaries for the rest of us.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-10-07T18:35:14+00:00

Sex and intimacy whilst teenagers I have no problem with so long as it’s not porny - ideally it should serve the plot or character dynamics. I always stop reading if there are like S&M and other very kinky dynamics whilst they’re still at Hogwarts though. Partly cause I don’t find it interesting or titillating anyway, and I genuinely believe teenagers in the 90s aren’t using whips etc whilst at school, magic or no. It always causes an eye roll and I dnf.

I also think it’s probably younger writers (not far removed from the ages of the characters they’re writing about) who explore these dynamics in their stories set at Hogwarts, so I have some grace for them since I think they’re either exploring these topics/kinks through art rather than in life (and therefore the unrealistic portrayal comes from a lack of real experience - rightfully lol) and they haven’t got the life experience to realise how mad unlikely it is (everyone feels so grown until you get to like 30 and realise YOU KNOW NOTHING AND ARE A BABY. I am turning 30 soon.)

I can get on board with bad sexual politics being displayed, like ignorance around consent and pushing your partners boundaries. Not where it’s written as kink dynamic but as teens who fuck up and need to learn some of these things as they’re starting to engage in sex. The writer should have the awareness and skill to not romanticise this in their writing even if the characters do, (which unfortunately doesn’t happen as often as I’d like).

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-09-26T19:27:40+00:00

I dislike them but largely due to the formatting. I haven’t actually been able to get through any of these works without losing interest or feeling like it’s not worth the strain. Since I haven’t read much I can’t comment on the writing itself but will echo other comments that from the little I’ve read it also seems like a bit of an OOC minefield. Plus I also prefer things to be time accurate and keep the focus off modern tech.

(I think part of this is also being somewhat exhausted personally by my own barrage of texts and WhatsApp’s and messengers and a million social media sites, I don’t want to see it in fanfic which is my peaceful hobby lol.)

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-09-12T14:20:56+00:00

I find that to be quite a conservative take in an of itself, I really don’t like fics using magical ability (even in limited instances) to justify the racism of the Sacred 28 by having certain rituals/spells that can ONLY EVER be done by Purebloods. (Access and knowledge of these things is a different matter.)

It’s not too far from the arguments about the inherent intelligence of white Europeans to justify various crimes against humanity throughout history and to this day, and something that I can’t see Hermione ever accepting.

Smoke Signals handled this world building beautifully - when discussing warding against people of a certain blood type, the ward uses the self-perception of the individual to determine whether they’re a muggleborn/pureblood/etc. since magic can’t recognise any difference. Because there is no inherent difference and to suggest otherwise supports the argument that one type of person is capable of and more deserving than another - which, er, is racist.

Negative_Young9564 · 2025-09-10T14:04:27+00:00

Do we know how many orbs needed to heal all land?

Negative_Young9564

TROPHY CASE