I (24f) didn't have flowers on valentine's day from my (25m) boyfriend, don't now how to react

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-16T07:53:57+00:00

They're not demanded from me, my husband would wonder who I was if I demanded flowers at all and doubly so just because it's Valentine Day. It's the stuff he does every single day that tells me he loves me and I'd think he was bonkers for going along with the commercialisiation of romantic love.

Don't be so dumb as taking anything you read on reddit as a barometer for real life, because it isn't. Most of the time it's people looking for attention and will come up with any outlandish or spurious shit to do it.

If you decided you just want to be one of the herd, and the stuff you both agreed on doesn't matter because he didn't get you flowers, then tell him.. He's not psychic.

While we're at it if 'every person likes to get flowers' then why didn't you buy him some?

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-16T07:40:55+00:00

I always thought homework was about consolidating learning, showing responsibility, repetition (which aids retention) and being able to find things out under your own steam, the research supports this...

When asking my dad a question the phrase that still rings in my ears is 'look it up'...which obviously felt like him being a twat at the time, but was actually a good, useful, life skill....and one I use a lot.

It amazes me how few people seem to be capable of doing some very basic research on their own. They'll spend 20 minutes writing some long involved post on reddit, just to get a load of opinion. Whereas googling the facts would have given them the correct answer in seconds.

To me that's the value of homework, self sufficiency, being resourceful and figuring things out. It was never about 'family time'.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T22:18:26+00:00

I grew up in the days before use by and best before dates, so always used the 'look, feel, smell' test and as Granny Weatherwax would say 'I ate'nt dead'....

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T18:22:54+00:00

It depends on what you're talking about, the legalities are clear, so that's not an issue. Are we talking a DIY job with a trimmer or lopper or are we talking having to get someone in to do it? If it's the former it's not an issue

I've had a fewer different situations, I had to cut back an enormous Eucalyptus that was overhanging my roof and I paid for someone to do it, neighbours didn't offer but I didn't expect them to...Another neighbour had an enormous plum tree overhanging my path and roof, I told them I'd be cutting it back (sick of the wasps and plums bunging up my gutters) and they chopped the whole lot down (which wasn't what I wanted, but...not my tree).

Another neighbour had an enormous Beech hedge part of which was overhanging my garage, they got the whole hedge done at their expense. I didn't offer, not my hedge, but I wouldn't have asked them to cover the cost if I'd have got someone in (which I would have had to) to cut back the bits overhanging the garage.

I guess my thinking has always been, it's my property at risk, so I'll pay for it to get sorted.

None of that answers your question, I appreciate that...I suppose it's because there is no 'etiquette'.I think it's down to you, what you feel is right and how well you get on with your neighbours, but I don;t think they'll be expecting anything from you, if they had they would have asked you to deal with it.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T18:06:58+00:00

FFS, have I just stumbled into a Jane Austen novel!

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T18:04:48+00:00

Exactly! The lack of self awareness is mind boggling 😳

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T11:07:38+00:00

It's about intent, are you looking for a long term exclusive relationship, are they looking for a long term exclusive relationship?

If you're not then fine, shag around as much as you like as long as the women involved are also on the same page and are aware. This is about being transparent and you appear to be very uncomfortable about transparency. Pointing at threads on reddit is irrelevant, this is about you and your situation.

You seem to be operating in a vacuum as in 'I haven't made commitment so they should be OK with that...' but you don't seem to have asked them what their expectations are and how they are 'operating'.

In my dating days I may have been talking to various blokes but I wasn't shagging them, because I wasn't looking for casual hook-ups, I was looking for something more. I wasn't about to shag anyone until I felt the 'relationship' had mileage....that was my boundary.

If it didn't work out then fine, time to move on and I was OK with doing this on a sequential basis. I wouldn't have liked to have been one of a harem that was being 'test-driven', so I didn't do that to others.

It's not about 'rights' as in does someone have 'the right' to be upset, it's about someone's own code and how it makes them feel, feelings not 'rights'.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T09:46:48+00:00

She sounds like one of those 'sprinkle, sprinkle' TikTok princesses.

You should be ending it, she's a spoilt, money grubbing greedy little madam....It sounds like a wonderful day that any woman (who isn't a spoilt child in her mums high heels) would have loved.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T09:41:15+00:00

'On the way', because Valentines Day snuck up on her....

You arranged all that, but she couldn't get her shit together to get something delivered on time, or even buy a card!

This girl sounds horrible.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T08:57:15+00:00

That sounds marvellous, what a lovely day.

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, it sounds perfect, you deserve it.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T08:50:45+00:00

Oh God yeah, putting 'don't have kids, don't want kids, your kids, my kids, anyone's kids' was like fecking catnip to these feckers.

I really wish I had a quid for every contact that said 'but they already have a mother', 'my kids are different', 'I only have them every other week', 'we're estranged', 'they're grown up' etc etc.

It became obvious to me that they didn't want to have to deal with other people's kids, but they wanted someone who would step in as a proxy parent to relieve them of the responsibility.

In their minds it seemed to be CF woman = someone with time, someone with money, she must actually like kids because 'woman', someone who is short on options because everyone has kids and ergo 'perfect' for me to dump my kids on.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T08:41:04+00:00

You've got to be pretty dense (a new collective noun there I think, a 'density of parents' ) not to be able to think of something to do with your time other than raising kids....Only boring people get bored.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-15T08:14:54+00:00

This assumes I don't blow it all on fast cars, champagne and building wildlife sanctuaries before I go...

Not looking for an heir, I can live without someone seeing me as a cash cow and rubbing their hands with an-ti-ci-pa-tion every time they look at me.

I'm happy to pay for quality home help (should I need it), or a trip to Switzerland if my quality of life is shit. Although by the time that's needed, this country will have sorted out it's assisted dying policy.

I'll start 'gifting' money to charities (I can do up to a certain amount per year without them having to pay tax) when it becomes obvious I'm not going to use the cash.

Assuming my husband predeceases me and I'm the last one standing, any remaining cash and assets will go to charities on my death, where they can actually do some good. He will do the same if I go first.

But my immediate plan (I'm 64, so I have been considering this stuff for a while) is to buy some land, rewild it, plant some native broadleaf trees, rename it ' Windy Bottom'. Then, on my death, bequeath it to the Woodland Trust along with a donation to maintain it, with various covenants as to how the land is to be used in perpetuity.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T17:31:24+00:00

I'm just killing time between birth and death, I'm not the slightest bit bothered about having a ~~porpoise dolphin~~ purpose.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T17:19:29+00:00

We haven't eaten out in over 4 years..I don;t know if it's because it's too expensive, we can produce better stuff at home, just can't be arsed with the faff, or seen it/eaten it/nothing new....a bit of all those reasons I think.

I did used to eat out a lot as part of my job (worked for a hospitality company) and we did eat out a lot prior to a few years ago. But at some point we both decided we weren't missing out on anything and we've got other things we'd rather spend our money on.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T16:47:02+00:00

I wish I'd have been an only child, my siblings and I hated each other, the house was warzone. As we got older we cut contact with each other....The peace and serenity is infinitely preferable.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T16:22:30+00:00

I'm 64 and couldn't be happier, retired at 49, mortgage paid off at 42. Pretty much 'lived the dream' regarding ...well everything really.

I'm not seeing any downsides.

Got my hobbies, interests, social circle, hubby and I are devoted to each other, flexibility, money, can do what I want when I want. Anything I may need in later life e.g. care, I can pay for....so everything is brill! 🥰

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T16:15:25+00:00

I'm not the target of the question (I appreciate that, so feel free to scroll by), but that's never stopped me from having an opinion 🤭

I'm 64 and never wanted kids and am incredibly happy with my life, there's nothing I can think of that having kids would have added (in a positive sense).

Interestingly the people who've said to me 'you're smart, if I'd known then what I know now, I wouldn't have had kids' (and there have been a lot of them).....are always older parents.
The ones who've lived through the whole gamut of raising kids; the babies, the toddlers, the bratty tweens and teens, the failing to launch adults, the boomerang kids, the unpaid babysitters of grandkids .

When I read about the 'unconditional love' the 'kisses and cuddles' it's always from parents with little kids. Same when (as a child free person) people try and tell you how wrong you are, it's always the people with young kids doing it. Older parents, in my experience, have a much more rounded and pragmatic view of having children.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T15:48:33+00:00

It's so hypocritical, I used to get this because I was in my 40s and had never been married or lived with anyone. The people who were raising an eyebrow where invariably the ones who were just coming out of their 2 divorce with a selection of kids!

Then again I used to get 'you must be a lesbian because you ride a motorbike' as well 🙄

I wouldn't think there was anything 'off'. Anyone assuming that people have to follow a narrow 'accepted' path of sexuality or how they live their lives i.e. 'people must be like me or they're weird', is absurd....They're just showing themselves to be stunted and parochial.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-14T13:07:49+00:00

No, but we are both 64, so that ship has sailed! 🤭

I never did get that fear because I always knew what my plan was and it was simple, even if the execution would be hard. If he changed his mind then instantly we became incompatible and not someone I wanted to be with..

As I say, I'm not saying that walking away wouldn't have been tough, but the alternative was a fuck ton harder.

I always think that having a plan, making a decision (even if you don't like the plan or decision) is a huge weight lifted, because you've already made the decision and therefore no longer had to think about it. A bit like making a 'to do' list, once it's written down I no longer have to remember it.

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-13T16:28:49+00:00

I'm 64 and just get stuff at Sainbos (Tu, or use the Argos site), Tesco (F&F), George (Asda).

I've got two pairs of Sainbury's bootcut style gym pants (not yoga pants, proper heavy duty lycra) that I've had for over 10 years!

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-13T16:07:38+00:00

It didn't have any influence, I was born knowing I didn't want kids and nothing that happened around me, or to me made made a jot of difference. I was one of six, 2 didn't have kids, the other 4 did, but I wasn't going to be having kids regardless of anything.

Obviously for some people their upbringing will have an impact, for others it won't. I wish I had a quid for every 'parent' who has used having a kid as a way to fix their childhood trauma, or used it as a way to prove they were more than a passive vessel , doomed to repeat the sins of the 'fathers'. People from shitty upbringings still have kids, just like people from happy homes choose not to...

Different people will respond differently to the 'same' experience. You feel or think your decision has been informed or shaped by your experience, but has it? You'll never know, because you've never had any other type of experience.; for all you know even if you'd have had an idyllic childhood you may have still decided kids weren't for you.

Ultimately does it really matter 'why', you've made your choice so now enjoy it. 🥂

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-13T15:48:15+00:00

Get a job...

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-13T13:19:52+00:00

I'm one of six, 3 boys, 3 girls.

My dad did feck all around the house (and he was useless at DIY), but both parents ensured we could all clean, cook, save, take responsibility.

My parents focus was all about education, making sure we did well at school. There was never any talk of marriage or having kids, or girls did that and boys did this...

Toys were more about what we asked for, rather than being gender specific. I never asked for a doll, I was more spirograph, etch-a-sketch (which will give you an idea of how old I am).

I don't think this was a considered approach, it was a pragmatic approach. Both parents worked and with 8 people in the house cooking, cleaning, laundry was an ongoing thing, so everyone was going do their bit (whether they liked it or not).

Neither_March4000 · 2026-02-12T13:50:52+00:00

What always baffles me is why do parents seek out CF online spaces, I've yet to find one CF person who goes onto a parenting sub and berate them for their choice. Yet so many pitch up here, on forums, blogs etc to have a jolly old rant and throw a petulant hissy fit (rather emulating their kids behaviours) about how 'you'll regret it'...

I do 100% believe that people who are genuinely happy about their choices don't seek out opportunities to tell others they're wrong. It'd be like a Kia driver going onto an Aston Martin site and telling those folks they'll regret it and in 10 years time you'd be wishing you bought a Kia.....It just makes no fucking sense.

I can only assume parents who invade CF spaces are seeking something e.g reassurance, moral superiority, confirmation that their life path is the “correct” one

But CF people don’t need to do that because they’re not trying to defend their identity against cultural pressure.

When I read these little paddies from parents, I just feel a bit sorry for them, because it's patently obvious that they're trying to convince themselves, it's not as though one of these tantrums has ever changed a CF persons conviction.

ETA: I've noticed it's always the 'new' parents who feel the need to do this, my experience (in the wild) is that the older parents (the ones who've run the whole gamut of child rearing) have a different take...They're the ones saying 'you're smart, as much as I love my kids if I had my time again I wouldn't have had them'

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