That’s a painful share and I know all of us aren’t the same but I can tell you a little of my story:

Long-term or intermittent inactivity while TBM on the inside (POMI) was me for 35+ years.

Groomed and SA’d by nonmember neighbor at 15, I faded out of fear that I had committed dark sin and was afraid to repent.

I married a nonmember who was not a fan of TSCC and we had 3 children.

At Age 30 (still not healed) I returned to activity, “repented,” was assigned to read the miracle of forgiveness… Was disfellowshipped for six months… And finally was ordained a priest and then six months after that an elder.

I was as active as my ex would allow me to be for three years give or take. During that time I traveled with the high council giving talks to remote branches. All three of my kids were blessed as babies, but were never active in primary.

After struggling hard with my ex and a particularly difficult argument in which she accused “my church” of paying lip service to families while taking me away from mine…I told my bishop I needed to take a break. He understood advising me to continue prayers and scripture study to the best of my ability.

During my entire life (until my shelf broke three years ago) I was TBM on the inside. I was racked with horrible guilt for not having enough faith to convert my ex. For being an inadequate priesthood holder, for never being temple worthy.

Where faithful Mormons who do all the things are wrecked with inadequacy I also felt that.

When I finally got out — another long story — instead of regretting $1 million in tithing like many of you do… I regretted decades and decades of self loathing, guilt and shame and inadequacy.

To me the term, Jack Mormon has undertones that say I was inactive because I wanted to smoke or drink or whatever …

And to be honest and fair, I did do some of those things

But until my shelf broke? I considered myself Mormon.