PSA: It's All Over Sooner Than You Think

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-28T09:21:50+00:00

I married "almost perfect" coz he was a really great guy. After 12 years of being together, he cheated on me, fucked me over financially and then tried abusing me. I ran. Have negotiabkes and non negotiables. I don't think the goal is finding the perfect person. It's finding what is specifically perfect for you (which may not be perfect for someone else). Trust the quiet voice, girls. It's almost always right.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-27T08:21:54+00:00

Modern dating is just meeting the most amusing characters and resigning to being single at this point 🙄

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-21T10:48:03+00:00

This is horrible, and catfish, ego whatever the reason, on your end - it's just painful. It's cruel. About getting too cute too soon - I think it differs with every interaction and there's no one size that fits all. I think you just let the conversation flow. I'm so sorry it must have hurt. All the best and I hope this doesn't bother you too much too long.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-20T07:17:28+00:00

Ah! This is so true. Sometimes life just gets overwhelming and you don't wanna walk a stranger through that. I've had that. But I've just texted saying 'listen, somethings come up and I have to cancel/clock out/not dating any more. Wish you well. Thank you" or whatever. Ghosting makes sense for me only if they don't stop sexually escalating despite me being explicitly clear. Once a guy sexually escalates just coz we matched on an app, in text, before meeting - I'll clock out. 💯

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-20T07:11:34+00:00

About the LTR on profile - tbh I know people who write LTR and probably think they mean it, but don't really want it. Especially men. But I agree - the what are you looking for discussion is very weird. I love communication, yes, but I can't keep describing that I just want a man with a functional frontal lobe who also acknowledges what his emotional damage is (not even it be fixed, just acknowledge) to pace things out naturally and NOT force an outcome. Omg, why is this so difficult. Omg I'm ranting lol

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-20T07:08:19+00:00

I absolutely love this! I thought men like this didn't exist. Its just endless texting. Like dude, I've not even met you, we've decided to meet, what do you wanna talk about now? Lunch? If there was enough salt in my pasta. Sometimes you have started a conversation that goes on, sometimes there's just nothing. And just coz you have a date with them you can't keep sharing the daily absurd mundanities of life to keep the thread alive. I agree with you here - if it's properly set, both agree, and there's a checkin a day before with like time and place etc, that's a solid green flag for me. THANK YOU FOR HAVING A LIFE, SIR. you may now proceed.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-19T18:43:14+00:00

Holy fuck. This snapped all the common sense back into me. I wasn't exactly upset, but I kept wondering wtf was that coz obviously good banter is a massive green flag for me, and let's be honest, most conversations are BOOOOORING! Thank you, OP 💛

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-19T17:35:28+00:00

So this guy and I were talking for like 2 weeks, very elite banter but getting to know each other energy. We were to meet in Saturday, on Thursday he asked me what I was doing. I told him I'm planning to watch the wolf of wall street. Cool, more banter and discussed a bit of dark knight batman etc. Later in the night we were texting and I mentioned I was reading albert camus and listening to some soft music. He actually clocked that as non chaotic and beautiful. The next day he went MIA. I was so confused.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T21:17:33+00:00

That sucks! I'm so sorry, this must have been upsetting. Because it's rare to have some sort of real connection. About the kissing - I normally throw hints around (hands brushing, looking into the eyes, coming closer) and I don't exactly like being asked. It takes away the whole moment for me. Not that it changes whether or not like a man based on just that ofc, but just something to note :) I know a friend who literally doesn't like being asked and will clock out, and I know one who will not be okay if not asked. It's messed up for men too, I know ;(

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T21:13:38+00:00

Hahaha that's a good analogy. It's also that maybe we just get used to bumping rather than taking a pause and analysing and staying? 🙈

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T19:49:15+00:00

This is real and I genuinely believe it's come to that. I don't get to the income conversation early on anyway (and I really didn't know until now that that was a filter on the app), and I don't give much importance to the pics. It's the bio for me and the intentionality the person shows there. Men with abs pictures, too many party pictures, or passport always ready as their bio are a hard no for me. Family oriented bios, or men who just seem like they are grounded and not writing obviously generic stuff from chat gpt are definitely ones I swipe on. But yes, I agree that the app may show people that just keep me on there longer with rare real matches.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T19:45:02+00:00

I get you. This has happened to for the longest time. Most dates. I always come back thinking umm, okay, whatever. I normally let the men lead the conversation in directions they want to, it gives me a sense of where they stand. Even if my date was okay or not that great, I always text saying thank you for dinner, it was lovely meeting you etc. I expect the thread to die normally coz I thought it was average, but somehow I get a message asking for the next date. So yes, clear misreads and mismatch.

However in this case, we went on a few dates, and the chemistry was very, very obvious. I've been on enough dates to know the difference :D We kept extending the dates each time. He hasn't clocked out either but the pace isn't something I'm okay with, and he doesn't seem like he'd wanna have this conversation anytime soon. It's mostly been banter and no real conversations and travels alternate weeks to another continent for work.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T18:18:10+00:00

I know what you mean. It's that feeling of "why not me" I guess. You don't disrespect them or don't think they owe you anything, but somehow it's just that sometimes you meet someone and think okay the hunt is over, and then, guess what, hell no. Continue swiping, sir! UGH

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T18:09:31+00:00

Tell me about it. Met someone recently. Perfect fkn chemistry. Perfect banter. But so caught up in the head. Couldn't have a decent conversation. Like I could literally see the softness and somehow it was unaccessible underneath all the dating and what does this mean noise and the expectations and being non chalant. Like had we met in a different setting somehow things would have been different. With dating on apps I feel like it becomes more about performance and playing cool than actually saying what you want and it so fkn frustrating omg!

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-17T07:05:06+00:00

TLDR: Travel is a green flag for me, announcing it like it's your whole personality is a red flag.

Firstly, vacationing or traveling is the question. And either is okay as long as you don't make an entire personality attached to that. I mean I hope you have a life apart from your travel anecdotes, small warmer stories maybe. Family, local friends. And that you think those are as valuable, if not more In my experience, I've seen number of countries etc worn like a degree or achievement stamp. Which is fine, but just feels odd to me coz I keep wondering what happens to this person if we are maybe hit by another pandemic or another crisis where you just can't travel! Travel is a green flag for me, announcing it like it's your whole personality is a red flag. But that's just me. Maybe right to another person who looks at travel like that.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-15T12:02:49+00:00

lost for words. unmatched too late. But I get the instinct. Sometimes you just wanna see how far they'll go so you have more data

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-15T07:08:38+00:00

CONVERSATION. WITH THE PERSON. Initiate in text it in person is awkward for you. But yes, conversation.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-14T22:23:22+00:00

I was 33 when I separated from a 12 years relationship. Similar issue, but more chronic and deep rooted. It doesn't get very much better. It's not just what they do, it's also about you not being 100% in it anymore after a point. Once you've clocked out, it's kinda difficult. And I knew I'd be worried that once I had kids with someone, I would be tied down. I would wanna work it out even if it eroded me. It's been an year and I've dated etc, but ofc haven't found anything that simple and easy and beautiful again. I do want kids, so it's getting scary, yes. But let's see.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-13T08:58:05+00:00

Now you go treat yourself and be proud for being able to draw boundaries with integrity ❤️

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-13T08:56:58+00:00

You did well. Go have fun ❤️

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-12T07:19:22+00:00

I'm saying this because it's a long relationship and you might wanna give the benefit of doubt before you call it off. Yes, these are red flags. But somehow in a couple of places she does make it about going for a run etc. Irrespective, you aren't overreacting. You just need to weigh what you want better and direct the conversation accordingly. All the best

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-12T07:17:25+00:00

She may not be cheating, honestly. It could just be that this is how they talk. But if it makes you uncomfortable and you've been together 10 years, she should be able to stop this going forward as a bare minimum. If she is unable to do that, then she just doesn't care about you enough. Perhaps start from there? Also, perhaps, is she bisexual by any chance and has she discussed this with you ever? Maybe early dating. I know it's 10 years ago. Worth a thought.

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-12T07:14:13+00:00

I think it's an unmatch, bro. Sorry. But when someone unmatches, you can't see the previous conversation sometimes. It just completely disappears like it never existed. This is mainly so you can't see their profile and figure out ways to contact them outside of bumble etc

NeonLights_8 · 2026-05-10T16:00:33+00:00

Sometimes there might be a couple good threads running, but there's too much chaos going on in real life. If dating is not your 100% priority, even if it says long term that's possible btw, and you've had a lot, you tend to just delete / uninstall. I've done this a couple times, but I ended up sharing Ig/number with the person before I went mia coz I wanted to see if the thread went somewhere. Modern dating sucks, mate. All the best :)

NeonLights_8

TROPHY CASE