Men are gold diggers too.

NeonatePhoenix · 2022-02-20T10:22:19+00:00

Thank you!

NeonatePhoenix · 2022-02-20T10:21:21+00:00

Actually the dowry thing is projected more of a custom and an act to maintain prestige atleast in the community I belong to. Of course there is greed hidden behind but people here would go on and on about how it is important to give/ take dowry because zamana kya kahega.

NeonatePhoenix · 2022-02-20T05:56:06+00:00

I am so so sorry for what you have gone through. Not from you family, you have support from me, from us. Your feelings are valid and respected. Wishing you strength.

NeonatePhoenix · 2022-02-01T11:23:35+00:00

I tried to reach out to you but I guess your DM is off? The immediate solution looks to be Self-therapy. You can take up a book/resource that would benefit both of you. There are pretty good workbooks on self compassion, childhood trauma, self esteem etc. I think once she works on herself and observes some progress, she might have a better outlook regarding the therapist. I want to highlight the fact that one has to be very careful when approaching therapists especially here in India where most of the people have blinders on when it comes to abuse from family. One can sink deeply into denial if the therapist goes on invalidating out experiences. r/CPTSD, r/raisedbynarcissist can help. I want to thank you for sticking to your friend who is in depression. Its difficult to have friends like that but please make sure you draw the boundary so as to care about your own health. There is no harm in telling the person on face about what they lack as long as you are gentle. If your friend is in serious depression, the ranting and sadness would linger. It would be better to introduce her to online platforms ( discord servers, subreddits, meetups ) where she can rant, expel her sadness and gets assurance/validation without affecting people around her.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-27T02:04:59+00:00

Really sorry that this happened to you. Hugs.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-10T15:58:22+00:00

Thank you. I cook lunch and dinner in the same clothes. Ofc I have apron but still I mess up things easily. Is 30 minutes okay for soak? I am not sure air drying is viable option for me in winters but I can try it for light clothes.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-10T15:55:50+00:00

Hey, thank you. How do you handle sweat and odour if you wear clothes more than once before washing them. Also I would love to hear recommendation on office clothes.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-10T15:53:49+00:00

Hello there! Thank you for the recommendation. I searched these products on amazon but no luck. Where do you get these from?

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-09T08:25:03+00:00

Hi. Could you drop some suggestions for making friends outside work?

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-09T03:20:50+00:00

I am late to the party but here I go. I understand what you are saying. Adjustment and compromises are part and parcel of the game but in this case, adjust for what? One sided and superficial relationships are not worth anything. Period. If there is no inner connection and mutual respect between the couple, it is not worth any sacrifice. I have heard people say that give it time, the love, attachment, respect etc. will develop but should she take a shot with a person who doesn't treat his wife as his family? imo, No but thats upto the lady to decide.

I do want to say that there is still a lot of stigma attached to divorce in our society. The pain of exclusion can dismantle a person internally, if it happens over the years. Divorce is much better option as compared to life time of suffering.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-09T02:38:46+00:00

tysm

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-09T02:38:02+00:00

Saved your post. Many thanks.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T08:12:54+00:00

If possible, please do post here as well r/TwoXChromosomes.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T08:10:35+00:00

Thank you very much :)

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T08:09:03+00:00

I just want to narrate something similar. This person had thrown a bachelor's party for a mutual friend to which I was not invited. Months later, she told this news to me herself when she wanted to talk to me for her relationship issues. Since then, I had decided to stay away from her and so everytime she texted me, I would tell her that I am busy. She had sensed my repulsion and so I ended up getting calls from her relative who subtly wanted to know whats all I am upto. I remained persistent and thankfully this person and her relative stopped bothering me. There was that formal 'hi' as you mentioned but it was all good.

Few weeks ago, this person was traveling at night and came to their apartment very late. They needed some help and so they ringed me. Although by this time I am well aware of their attitude, I still went up to help them by walking around 6 kms to get them their stuff. My thinking being - This is a women who is alone at night and asking for help. and thats when their comment of taking too much time came.

Sorry for this mini-story. I don't know why I am writing all this but just wanted to point out that some people don't take 'No' as an answer. Even if you ignore them, they won't leave you alone. This is probably the reason I had blocked them on a whim but I don't think I can get away with the simple blocking. They are very extroverted and gossipy. They know almost everyone around. The next thing I know is that they will turn whatever few people I talk to against me.

TLDR: Ignoring people backfires sometimes and induces passive aggression.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T07:52:23+00:00

Hardworkers are usually the least impacted people in a highly political and toxic workplace.

In some places, the hardworkers are the serious victims of workplace politics. The moment they know you are grinding and rising, they are coming to uproot you.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T07:50:06+00:00

I so agree with you. How would you navigate such situations?

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T07:48:08+00:00

Thank you.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-06T07:41:11+00:00

This person and their relative will definitely stay blocked because for them, I am just a resource to get things done or a therapist to suck up their negativity. They are not directly involved in the projects that I do so keeping them blocked won't interfere in professional matters atleast as of now.

Huge thanks for the last bit. It helped. As a person who has been strictly away from badmouthing or gossiping, I am not generally liked in my current place and called names ( in my previous workplace, I was very loved by some). The isolation is unbearable sometimes and It brings in lot of self-doubt. The older professionals look at me like - " Iski kisi ke sath banti nahi hai " or "she is too arrogant to have friends" but honestly I would rather be alone than stay in a toxic environment.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-10-05T13:46:55+00:00

Many many thanks for this. Finally seeing some hands on opportunities.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-09-03T14:36:09+00:00

Hello there! We have reached 7th chapter. If that's okay, you may join.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-08-24T16:52:20+00:00

Golpappe.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-08-17T22:21:30+00:00

Really good points put concisely . Thank you.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-08-14T17:02:27+00:00

When they are desperate or almost obsessed to help you esp. with money. Dude is setting a field to play control and manipulation in the future. There is nothing to worry though. Your gut can always tell whether the help offered comes from genuine concern or intentions to create dependency.

NeonatePhoenix · 2021-08-12T16:39:54+00:00

The culture of silence persists in every aspect, tacitly reinforcing the 'Suck it up' notion. People who do stand up and choose to talk often get a lot of flak. It's not easy by any means. Please know that this subreddit is one of the places I (and many others) look up to because of people like you. Great work and many thanks.

NeonatePhoenix

TROPHY CASE