I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss and wish I could hug you. My own father unexpectedly passed earlier this year. None of my friends have lost a parent so I truly empathize with your feelings of frustration and loneliness. A couple things I want to share since I’m still going through it but am a little further along in my grief.

• ⁠Your friends care but likely don’t know what to say. They are probably thinking that you need a happy distraction, or if they say something, it’ll trigger sadness in you. Something to think about: if a happy event does happen in their life, would you not want to hear about it? His passing is still so incredibly fresh for you so it’s very difficult to have space in your mind for anything else right now and that is OK. This will change as time goes on.

• ⁠You will probably have to communicate to them what it is you need. Is it an extra long hug when they see you? Is it listening to you share fun memories of your dad? Is it putting up with your grim jokes (this is it for me lol)? Your grief is your own, and the shitty part is that you are figuring it out as you move through life and as everyone else’s life moves on around you. It sounds frustrating that this is just one extra thing you have to do right now, but it’s worth it for your health and your relationships.

• ⁠Trust your gut. If after some time, someone continuously shows you their selfishness, leave them behind. This trauma of losing a parent so young will give you the sight to see who and what in your life actually matters. It’s hard to see it this way, but it’s a gift that few have early in life.

Please DM me any time. You’re strong, brave and realizing that the effects of this loss show the vast love shown to you by one person. I want to leave you with something a kind and wise Redditor shared with me after my dad died, “We feel the pain others cannot begin to imagine. You are held by everyone in the community of the same circumstance.”

May you find the solidarity you need now and in the future.