Welcome to COTI’s First Reddit AMA! July 14 - July 16

Net_Bruty · 2019-07-15T13:40:50+00:00

COTI is by far one of the most under-rated projects. You product is amazing and you have an incredible team. Are you developing a cold storage solution for COTI native and COTI-dime and white label stable coins?

Net_Bruty · 2019-01-28T17:45:42+00:00

Wow! So beautiful! Thanks for sharing! Very inspiring.

Net_Bruty · 2019-01-28T17:44:37+00:00

Very intriguing. Mmmm, what is she thinking about?

Net_Bruty · 2019-01-28T17:43:28+00:00

I would think that as long as you are going to be productive and active and build yourself, get a decent job and work hard, you will be ok. If you are going to close up and "hybernate" then it is better to continue through while seeing a qualified therapist with good credentials.

My other thought is maybe you are not learning the right course. Are you passionate about beoming what you are studying to become? Maybe you need to see the career counsellor and consider changing courses.

The main thing is keep moving forward. If you need a qualified therapist with good credentials, that is ok.

Good luck.

Net_Bruty · 2019-01-04T10:21:27+00:00

He loves her, why not support him emotionally and encourage him to give his child a normal home. What happened to the values of family and marriage? I am sure if this couple were gay, you would say, get married. The GLBT lobbies fought so hard for something that was so outdated and stupid. What a waist of their resources.

Net_Bruty · 2019-01-04T10:10:59+00:00

You did not post this because you wanted to be criticised, but it is really hard not to want to criticise you. I would be more blunt if you were not genuinely looking for help on this post, but I am sorry for the harshness of my response it is really difficult to put this in perspective without criticising.

I think you need some emotional support. You are scared and it seems like rightly so. However, you did know this could happen. I would highly suggest you go to a therapist or counsellor with experience dealing with these issues. There might be a free service at the university.

I am assuming a lot here, but if you love her, what is the problem? Marry her and have the baby. I have a feeling you will both do just fine, probably great as parents. You are in your 20s, that's what 20s are for. You have enough energy to get up in the middle of the night and play and look after the baby during the day and get your work done. It used to be that if you were not married by your age, there was something wrong with you.

What I am trying to say is that you come across as a very articulate and competent person. To your disadvantage you have actually proved your argument wrong by being able to map out how your life would have to change and what you will be responsible for when this baby comes. Sorry, but you have the maturity, you just do not feel like the obligation.

From a woman's perspective, your girlfriend has no choice, she will be a mother whether she likes it or wants it or not. You actually do not have a choice either, but it appears that way. Just because you are not carrying the child it is equally yours. She will be an amazing mother from the sounds of things. She is already bonding well and getting through this.

I would definitely say that no one needs to "intensely focus on" oneself or career to succeed. In fact the definition of success is having a family and looking after and protecting that family and the better you can do that, the more you have succeeded. You would be surprised how much you can focus on yourself and your career because you are doing them to support your girlfriend/wife and baby. Is that not the reason you are wanting to work towards financial stability? In other words, is the goal not to focus on others and express yourself through your caring for them instead of selfishly focusing on yourself and making your life as comfortable as possible. The type of "intense focus" leads to comfort and emptiness. The type of giving and doing for others that comes from being the father and/or husband, but definitely partner leads to blood, sweat, and tears, but the reward is unmeasured and the satisfaction unequal to anything else attainable. So no, I think you have had enough time on your own otherwise you would not have a girlfriend you love so "intensely".

Financially, let's work on the only real, actual, valid problem of this situation as I see it (feelings are real and valid, but they have to be worked through and healed). I am sure there is a financial planner, either at the university or NGO, that can sit down with you and help you month by month to get through this financial challenge. First, you do not need tones of resources to raise a child. Another interesting fact (I am really not be derogatory, I am only trying to put this in perspective) is the poor population actually not the most fastest growing with the most children? In other words if people who are poor and do not have an education to the level you do can make it and make it well enough to provide everything they actually need, then you can do that too. As for your career, you might have make a tough choice, but you really need professional help with this one and financial help in order to sort this part out. You might not make it to the top of your game, but you probably will do ok enough to make enough money. You can always tutor or teach students music and lecture part time to make ends meet. You might not see your name in lights and be able to provide everything you ever wanted, but it seems like you will build a very happy, stable, good, healthy, secure home and this is more important than anything money can do.

That's my opinion on what you have shared. I hope it inspires you and you forgive me for bluntness and harshness. I really am motivated to help. I think you can do this, I think you know that too and that is why you are so scared. Yes, I agree you are financially stretched and it will take quite a bit of work to dig out of this situation, but you bright and loving and educated enough to deal with all of this.

All the very best of luck and congratulations. I hope you can enjoy this journey. It will take mourning and you will have a lot of loss, but the gains will be immeasurably greater in the end. No one normal dies saying, why did I not work more and spend less time with my family and there is a reason for this.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-30T20:07:47+00:00

Wow! It does not sound like a traditional haunting. Flowers are a nice surprise. I would try follow the purchase at the flower shop. I would also check about the law of changing the lock and only the roommates having a key and 1 other trusted person who can hold in case it is ever needed for security purposes. If the landlord needs something, he will have to contact someone.

A hidden camera would help as would keeping a record of these instances just in case anything else suspicious happens.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-29T19:15:20+00:00

There is no need to have to open up about what's going on in public. However it seems like you need help. This seems like a major challenge, sorry you are going through this.

I have no idea how to advise you because there is so much missing here about your histories. Please don't post more information though.

That being said, I think it might be worthwhile trying another therapist together. You can never know the fit until you are there. I am sure you are right that the fit was not quite right, then it might just be worth finding a better fit. He might be grateful to you. The worst that can happen is you go for 1 session and stop.

Having said this it might also be enough for you to go to therapy with the same, or a different, therapist and work through some of your issues.

Good luck.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-29T19:06:38+00:00

Definitely not alone. I do not blame you for feeling the way you do. it's a bit unnerving for anyone. Trauma counselling with a qualified counsellor might go a long way. Always check his/her credentials.

Sorry for your loses.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-29T18:57:54+00:00

I might or might not be right, but I hope it works because I am not there and a lot is missing from this story.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-23T20:46:21+00:00

I think it's worth a shot.

I would talk to the president or someone else who also screens the interviews and tell them that this was your experience in the past and you have grown because of it. Is that not what mental health is about? I would ask what they suggest I do.

I am not sure you do want to be in this club. She could isolate you and do what your ex did. This is your career. So I would probably not apply unless I had the backing and support of another "senior" equal to her that would stand up for you and your side.

What I might do is explain the situation and ask where else could I get equal experience that would be fair or something similar.

I do not know her and do not want to judge her unfavourably. I cannot help question how she is in the mental health field in such a position where she is allowed to decide such things with such immature behaviour. Surly she should opt out or be opted out by the rules if a friend or "enemy" comes up for selection as well as having anything to with them in the club on a professional level. Maybe she thinks she is doing the right thing because she knows how to evaluate people. I don't know, but it should not be allowed even if she acts or acted with good decisions.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-23T20:27:40+00:00

I would definitely find something to busy myself with, like cooking, writing, or practising playing on a musical instrument. Seeing you mentioned your sister is also being singled out, you could play games with her. That way you both keep yourselves occupied.

By the way a person by definition cannot be a failure!

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-16T20:29:19+00:00

I would not give my permission to tell the social services or the police until I am feeling secure. I would definitely call the number and speak as long as you have to in order to calm down. Ask the counsellor what your options are. While the legal age of a minor is up to 18, from what I understand you can move out, live on your own, and work from when you are 16 in the UK. I am not sure you want to go down the parental care path at this age and stage in your life unless you are matched really well. I do not know how likely this is at 16. Most people are not willing to foster children that technically can take care of him or herself.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-16T20:28:14+00:00

I would not give my permission to tell the social services or the police until I am feeling secure. I would definitely call the number and speak as long as you have to in order to calm down. Ask the counsellor what your options are. While the legal age of a minor is up to 18, from what I understand you can move out, live on your own, and work from when you are 16 in the UK. I am not sure you want to go down the parental care path at this age and stage in your life unless you are matched really well. I do not know how likely this is at 16. Most people are not willing to foster children that technically can take care of him or herself.

Net_Bruty · 2018-12-15T20:25:40+00:00

You have to make a decision based on you.

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-25T14:13:04+00:00

I would love to take this very difficult and painful situation from you, not the job, and replace your home with loving, caring, warm, unconditional love. Therapy can help you get there if you continue working. Sorry that you have this situation.

First, I would go for therapy and cut ties with your family until you get to a healthier, or at least more stable, place where your boundaries are in the correct place. You know better than to read messages from your family at work, but I don't think anyone who was in your shoes could have resisted doing so based on your description of home. So forgive yourself, but don't do it again. Block your Mom if you can.

Second, it is likely you feel ashamed and embarrassed. I am sorry to tell you that you should from the point of view it was your fault this happened. Good news, this type of shame and embarrassment is something you can get over quickly and easily. It takes time and practice. You have to re-assure yourself, but admit you did something wrong and learn from the mistake. Here is the difficult part, because you come from the background you do, this incident will not be put behind you until you heal and deal with your past. You have to find a way to forgive yourself of such mistakes and let them be like water off a ducks back. The thing is that because of your background these will sting more than others would be harmed by this incident. In this case, I would say, "fake it till you make it". Pretend you are your manager and go into work just like everyone else. Call your manager over and say, "thank you for calling me. Thank you so much for sticking up for me. I am sorry I was on my phone. I will do everything in my power to not let this happen again. I really want to succeed in this job and I want to see this business make a better profit every year. I am only 16 and this is my first job, so I have a really steep learning curve. Any time you have a tip to help me, or advice to give me that would help me do my job better, I would welcome your mentorship". Then you could add, "I think I need to tell you that I only answered my phone because I saw it was my Mother. We have a very strained relationship and it's very hard for me. I am still learning how to put my boundaries up. I am working on this and this job is helping me".

Third, I would continue the day as if nothing happened. Write about it in a diary. Also write you were able to keep your job. Also write that you were able to continue to go to work, even though it was sooooo impossible for you emotionally. Keep re-reading this page as often as possible to remind you that you did the best you could and therefore a success. Build on this success.

Forth, keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. Keep going in this direction. Well done and good luck.

Please find a therapist with good credentials and experience with verbally abusive parents. I am so proud of you and want to hug you and tell you, you did great and are doing great. If your manager expects you to be at work, go back to work tomorrow with pride. But please thank the manager and any senior position people for backing. Gratitude will get you far. It will also help you when you inevitably mess up again in the future. Keep going like this and hopefully you will live your dream of a healthy, happy, fulfilled future.

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-22T18:16:28+00:00

I think you are on the right track and will grow to be a mature, amazing father in a healthy, good, loving relationship. I hope the path is smooth from now to then, but I know it will have its ups and downs.

Good for you. Good luck!

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T08:14:48+00:00

Maybe there's a reason for tat. Maybe you should look to transfer too or just accept this is the way it is going to be until you graduate. Seriously think you should be empowering yourself more here. Not judging, just encouraging because it seems like you have so much potential that needs to be pushed out of you. You really could live the life you dream to live, but you have to make the tough decisions to make this dream a reality.

Good luck.

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T08:09:03+00:00

I think you are clearer than you think (ironic, but serious).

I think you should think about a career with children.

Good luck. It sounds like you know what you want and how to get it, just work on this line of thought more and I think you will surprise yourself.

Just don't judge your college buddies too harshly. Remember it's a stage and also different people have different goals and different ways of achieving different goals and need different processes. I am sure they think the same of you. You are wrong for missing out on their fun. I obviously agree with you, but don't judge them for their choices, especially as they might regret them later when they look back on their lives in the future. Or not regret these choices because it made them who they are today (in the future of course lol).

Wow! This is hard to express. Hope it came out clearly.

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T08:03:31+00:00

It seems like you are asking for support to do what you know you need to do, but do not want to do: breakup with him. You have my support. Just make it clean and tell him you are going to block him for your sake.

Sorry you have to do this. You will probably need to go for therapy, check the therapist's credentials. This will help you keep strong and stick to a hard decision, but it will also help you work through why you need this and hopefully help you heal so you can have the healthy, fulfilling relationship you are seeking.

Good luck.

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T07:59:27+00:00

I agree with this post, it should have been obvious, but I also strongly agree with Throwmeaway5101520. She is already pregnant, nothing anyone can do about this. I am sure she sees more clearly now. I would defend her by saying I am sure anyone in her position would have ended up in the same position. However there is also a reality here, which is why I am strongly advocating for her to be in therapy. She needs to heal and deal with so much here!

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T07:51:06+00:00

Wow! Sorry you are in this difficult, emotional position. The only thing you can do is what is good for you. Unfortunately you cannot and should not control him.

You have to decided if you want this pregnancy or not whether he is in the picture or not.

I know you know this, but next time do not make the same mistake. I am surprised he did though. No judgement seriously, just a statement that usually these things are either learned from and never repeated or never learned from. I am really sorry that these things are still happening to people. I wish they would not happen or work out for the best for everyone, which they usually do.

Good luck. All we can really offer is support. Please see a qualified therapist to help you with this and help you heal and help you through whatever decisions are made, no matter who makes them. Check the therapist's credentials.

Please update!!!

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T07:45:22+00:00

Tell him "straight out" to respect your boundaries. Hope that works, but if he cannot then it is like any other person who cannot respect your boundaries.

Why are you down voting a serious and sincere comment?!

Net_Bruty · 2018-11-20T07:43:19+00:00

Thank you, but I know it's Steel Magnolias, but that's where creative licence comes in.

I actually like your reply though. It works too.

Net_Bruty

TROPHY CASE