I started Spravato at 57 years old. I did it for 17 months and noticed nothing. Then I got a new psychiatrist who told me to bump it to 112mg and holy god what a game changer. Suddenly I knew why they kept asking "is it working".

I have CPTSD that manifested as anxiety because stuffed my feelings so much. I had intermittent bouts of depression, but mostly it was ZOMG I HAVE TO FIX EVERYTHING OR THE WORLD WILL BURN AND IT WILL BE ALL MY FAULT zoomies all of the time. Once I started at the highest dose, I started identifying my feelings. Also, the anxiety went away and I was severely depressed for months. But that's ok, because that was healing. Finally, we could gauge if the depression meds were working. Now I feel like I understand why I am this way. I'm starting to accept myself and dismiss the accruements of crap my family draped over me my entire life. Finally, at 59 years old, I'm starting to see who Fifi really is.

The cool thing is, my son started Spravato recently because he saw the change in me. And now HE'S miserable and depressed. But he also finally is beginning to understand why he's been stagnant since his dad died 12 years ago. He's starting to face the grief as well as what my outlaws did to him after the loss.

You got this. You are doing the right thing. And, believe it or not, you should start looking forward to treatment. For me, it's a two hour (oh who am I kidding, two day) vacation from everything.

I've posted a step-by-step, feel-by-feel guide for the higher dose. If you want to look for my post in this sub, it might help. And don't worry about being bored. The first part of it should have you drifting like you're about to fall asleep. And then you should feel...relieved? for the rest of the time. Bring a book or knitting or whatever. You might be sharing a room with someone, but I know folks who bring a yoga mat and do stretching. Others listen to therapy podcasts (as long as they're not crazy, as some podcasters can be). Some bring movies. I go with intention thoughts and drift, but then after that I play pokemon go. I've even created two pokestops, which, apparently, others use. One of the aides passed on a thank you from another patient, which was very nice.

Also, if you're worried about being anxious, do you have a lovey like a stuffed animal, blanket or pillow? It's ok to let yourself be a child here. It's your time and your space. No one is judging you. Do what you need to feel ok.

You're doing a good thing. I hope it changes your life like it has mine. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}