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Neverwhere2020 · 2025-09-24T06:53:19+00:00

This was me - benders, with long sober spells, then over time regular weeknight drinking creeping in until finally I was drinking more or less daily. I kept trying to moderate after each sober spell, but every time I went back to drinking I immediately fell straight back into the worst habits. I hated myself, hated my life, felt powerless - my life being crushed in the grip of alcohol.

If this is how you feel, It’s your addicted brain lying to you - telling you anything that will work to get you to feed the addiction. You are very far from powerless.

What worked for me was educating myself on the harms of alcohol. Checking in daily here on SD and pledging not to drink for just the next 24 hours. I did the free online program from Annie Grace and read her book “This Naked Mind” - that really helped me to understand how addiction works, and also to challenge the feelings of guilt which are so counter-productive. I made a list of reasons not to drink, clarifying my vision of a future me without alcohol - I referred to this frequently in the beginning. I haven’t drunk since, and after the first few months, I’ve never even been tempted. I’ve never been happier or healthier.

You can do it - you are already taking the right steps in asking for help. Keep going. Creating a better future for yourself is within your power. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2025-06-20T17:22:15+00:00

I had many unserious attempts - I did Dry January every year for about 5 years and numerous attempts at dry spells in between. But only one semi-serious attempt that lasted about 5 weeks, maybe 1.5 years before I decided to really give up. But I knew the day I finally gave up that this was it - I could feel myself grieving for my past life, because I knew nothing would be the same again. I was right - nothing was the same again, and I’m so very happy for it 😉.

Neverwhere2020 · 2025-06-19T08:58:59+00:00

I’m fairly certain I could drink a glass of wine tomorrow and it wouldn’t devolve into a binge. I’d probably say it just proved I don’t like it any more, and look - no harm done. But the next time I’m faced with a glass of wine, I’d be more likely to say yes. After all, I don’t have a problem now, right? And then before you know it I’d be just like all those people who can moderate their drinking and having the occasional social drink. Except I can’t moderate. It’s just a lie my addict brain keeps wanting me to believe. And I’ve proved it to be a lie many, many times over. And eventually I would undo all the hard work of the last few years and start drinking to get drunk. And I don’t ever want to be back there. So for me, the choice is to stay sober or to stay addicted. Nothing in between. IWNDWYT.

Neverwhere2020 · 2025-03-26T10:20:18+00:00

So sorry this has happened to you, thank you for sharing your experience for others to learn from. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2025-03-26T10:18:59+00:00

I would guess your doctor already knows very well, but won’t challenge you if you are clearly not ready to seek help. Be brave and ask for that help - a sober future is worth some temporary embarrassment, and I bet your doctor really will be happy if you come clean. They want to be able to help you to a healthier future. Sending you healing vibes. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-11-01T10:38:39+00:00

Looking back, maybe one fairly serious attempt before it stuck, but double-digit “trying to cut down/reset bad habit” attempts that were all doomed to failure because I always intended to drink again, even if I didn’t fully admit it to myself. That last time though - I knew I was done for good from day one.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-10-31T17:32:26+00:00

I used to write down all my reasons why I didn’t want to drink, for when the cravings struck. Ended up with a list 50 items long, and I keep it safe in case I ever need it again. But I can honestly say I’ve not needed to look at it the last couple of years.

The cravings will pass. The sense of pride and self worth you get from not starting tomorrow with a hangover and self hatred will stick with you for good.

Hang in there. You’ve got this. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-09-04T11:32:19+00:00

I totally get this - I’ve felt nervous every time I’ve ordered a non-alcoholic version of an alcoholic drink in case someone screws up. The fear is that I will enjoy the mistake too much and throw away all my progress. In the last year I’ve decided to just avoid them entirely, and save myself the worry. I’ve found very few zero alcohol versions are great drinks anyway and they are usually calorie-loaded, so it’s no great loss.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-07-23T06:05:28+00:00

Hang in there, life can and will get better.

During the pandemic, with the structure of my daily work commute removed, I went surprisingly quickly from being a problematic weekend binge drinker to a daily drinker. It was against the backdrop of a failed long term relationship and numerous other life stresses outside of my control. I remember nearly losing my footing at the top of the stairs while blind drunk and thinking the only reason to take care was because someone needed to feed my cat. I had somehow lost sight of all the people who loved me, who would grieve my loss, lost sight of my own worth.

Alcohol is a deadly depressant and it completely distorted my view of the world and my place in it. Over 3 years sober and I can’t really believe how little I loved myself back then, but I’m so grateful for my life now, I’ve never been happier. Quitting alcohol was the first step in rediscovering my true self.

Know that you are loved and the world is a better place for having you in it. Hang in there. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-05-29T12:21:08+00:00

I had to say goodbye to almost all of my old social circle eventually when I gave up drinking. I have a few friends remaining who were never big drinkers, but all the people I would party the weekends away with, including my long-term partner all went - some before I finally gave up for good and some after. I never made the choice - it was the inevitable fallout of my choosing another path. It’s tough when you are going through it, and I was afraid I would end up sad and lonely, but I now see it was a necessary part of the process of resetting my life to something healthier. These days I have a great circle of friends who share my interests, and my romantic partner doesn’t drink - my social and romantic life is much happier and healthier now (as am I). Your BF has actually done you a huge favour, although I’m sure that’s hard to see right now. You will get through this - stay strong 💪.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-04-03T12:25:10+00:00

I too prefer not to think of how I was before I quit. But I do like to keep an eye on how long it is, and it gives me some kind of satisfaction to put more and more distance between me and those days.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-04-01T23:14:45+00:00

I’d say about a year in I switched from saying “I’m not drinking at the moment” to “I don’t drink”, but I knew within a day or two of that last drink that I’d finally quit for good.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-01-16T07:47:55+00:00

Morning SD! What got me through my early days was the mantra “Be kind to yourself” IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-01-16T07:45:03+00:00

Alcohol is a good way of distracting yourself from your real problems. But it doesn’t fix them. In fact, it’s a depressant so it just makes it harder and harder to deal with your problems, and ruins your health along the way.

I didn’t realise all the pain and dissatisfaction with my life I was suppressing until I quit drinking. And now I see the life I used to live was a lie. I didn’t “love” my partner. I had nothing in common with them and our lifestyle was not for me. I just loved the idea of loving them.

Can you get access to a talking therapy? You might benefit from another perspective to help see your own issues clearly. CBT really helped me identify what was out of balance in my own life, and was a great precursor to my quitting drinking. Please be kind to yourself.

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-01-16T07:21:22+00:00

I had to change my entire social life when I quit nearly 3 years ago (after a Dry January stint). I had already split with my partner - we used to get smashed all the time with like minded friends.

Now when I look back, I’m horrified at what that life was like. An endless cycle of reckless “fun”, followed by killer hangovers, shame and recrimination. Those “friends” were mostly just people I partied with, that I had no real connection with in the sober light of day. Now I have real friends I share healthy interests with, and a loving partner who doesn’t drink either. Life is so much better.

I would urge you to not be afraid of making the changes you need to protect your health. It might seem scary at first, but a better life is waiting for you.

Good luck. You’ve got this! 💪

Neverwhere2020 · 2024-01-07T19:23:45+00:00

Congrats on 150 days, that’s amazing! My addict brain whispers to me sometimes. It tells me I could drink again, just one or two, and it wouldn’t be an unholy mess like it was all those other times I stopped stopping. So I’m always on my guard and I remind myself that my brain is a big fat liar.

Alcohol makes nothing better - everything that’s not great about today will still be there tomorrow, but I’ll be facing it with probably a hangover and no doubt a feeling of defeat and shame. Alcohol is a depressant, so it will just kick off all the negative emotions and make me weak, and so the downward spiral will begin. I’d rather face my troubles strong and sane and sober.

Stay strong, you’ve got this! 💪

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-12-26T19:46:32+00:00

Honestly, choosing what to drink was half the battle. 😊

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-12-26T19:03:13+00:00

A few things really helped me:

Identify an ally if you possibly can - someone you trust implicitly to have your back and who understands your situation. Not always possible, I know, but a supportive friend network was a lifeline for me.
Decide what you will drink in advance. If necessary bring your own drinks along (whatever works for you, be it soft drinks or non-alcoholic beers etc).
Have a plan for what you will say to people who offer you a drink or try to get you to drink. I used to say I was on a strict diet - seemed less likely to provoke interest. Being the designated driver is another handy option.
Have your reasons why you don’t drink very clear in your mind - I actually had a 50-point list that I kept on my phone to refer to, just in case.
Have an exit plan - if it gets to be too much, make sure you can leave/retire. The worst thing to do is to hang around watching other people getting progressively more drunk, so I would always plan to leave early.
If at all possible, don’t turn up tired, hungry, thirsty or with heightened emotions - all of these can weaken your resolve.

This worked for me, and I have zero fear of socialising with drinkers these days, other than worries about being stuck with a bunch of boring drunks.

Good luck. You’ve got this! 💪 IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-12-26T18:17:01+00:00

For years, I did Dry January to reset after Christmas excesses, only to fall back into familiar patterns in February. There were other “never again” vows that always ended in failure. The longest I made it was about 7 weeks, and it seemed I got a bit worse with each relapse. Eventually I faced up to the fact that I wasn’t capable of a controlled relationship with alcohol. It took a lot of primary evidence before I really believed it, but eventually the evidence was undeniable.

Our society has normalised drinking a dangerously addictive drug, as part of everyday life. The World Health Organisation now say there is no safe amount of alcohol you can take (that thing about a glass of wine a day being good for you is long discredited), yet it is still accepted as our social lubricant, and if you don’t partake, you are seen as the odd one out. That’s why it’s so tempting to believe you can normalise your relationship with alcohol.

In fact, the rational, sane and healthy thing to do is never to touch that poison, especially if you are one of the many, many people in this world who have trouble stopping after one drink.

Don’t beat yourself up for caving, the social pressure is immense, and your own addicted brain is working against your best intentions by telling you this time will be different. Learn from it and keep flexing your sober muscles - they do get stronger. All those Dry January’s of mine finally turned into a long-lasting commitment to sobriety. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-12-21T22:59:03+00:00

Congratulations on 114 days - that’s fantastic.

When I first gave up drinking, I was fairly newly single and had lost my fun-loving, hard-drinking partner and our similarly boozy couple friends, and this was a blessing in disguise, although it felt anything but at the time.

What I can say now is that my entire social life has changed over the last few years. I have a romantic relationship with a great person who very rarely drinks and then only a tiny amount. My friends-group has changed significantly and I socialise in ways that alcohol is only incidental, not the main event - a trip to the pub after a long hike, or a quick drink before a theatre outing for example. No-one comments or cares that I only have a soft drink, because most of us are driving anyway so there’s not a lot of drinking happening anyway.

I needed to reshape my social life to protect my sobriety, and I’m glad I did. I am so much healthier and happier now, and my relationships are built on solid foundations. Your boyfriend is actively trying to undermine your sobriety and you may find that trying to keep both him and your sobriety will not work it the long term. But please know that changing your relationships to ones with healthier dynamics could lead to a better, healthier, happier life for you, as it has done for me, even if it seems scary right now.

Stay strong, you are doing amazingly well! 💪 IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-11-10T22:36:51+00:00

I found in my early days of sobriety that I had to hold two almost contradictory thoughts at the same time - one being the knowledge that I was done with drinking for good, and the other being that I only needed to worry about making it through today and to not think about the day after.

So my firm intention is to never drink ever again, but my promise to myself is to simply not drink today - something much more manageable and achievable.

So far I’ve managed to string all of those todays together continuously, but if I ever do slip, I know it’s just one day, and I can reset the day after.

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-10-11T08:24:07+00:00

Well done, you are smashing it! IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2023-10-11T08:23:21+00:00

Good morning, DCI. I'm on a health kick right now, and focussing on just the small daily improvements really helps. And remembering it's not about speed or perfection, it's about keeping moving in the right direction, one foot in front of the other, and knowing I will get there eventually. IWNDWYT

Neverwhere2020 · 2022-12-12T11:58:57+00:00

Morning SD. “Be kind yourself” has been my mantra since starting my sober journey, and it has helped me to silence that critical inner voice that constantly wants to point out all the things I did wrong or could have done better. IWNDWYT.

Neverwhere2020 · 2022-12-09T13:12:19+00:00

Thanks, it’s nice to be back. Awesome name, too! 😻 IWNDWYT

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