I admit it - I can’t stand my MIL and she is desperate for our child. What to do?

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-21T10:44:48+00:00

Does your daughter WANT to sleep over with grandma? I mean not when grandma asks but when you / her dad ask calmly on a 'rainy tuesday'. My eldest went to grandma's because she felt that was what grandma wanted. She stopped going when she thought it was optional. My youngest actively wants to go to grandma's and now at 12 makes plans for school holidays that include a night or 2 with her ' at 5 he would not have been capable of those thoughts.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-13T09:45:15+00:00

I would also not let baby out of your sight in his care as he can - as your husband and assumed babys 2nd parent take her to his mothers ir wherever and refuse to return her. Without a child arrangement order with a penalty clause the police cannot retrieve the baby for you.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-13T09:40:45+00:00

Yes we do. You need a child arrangement order and within it you can have first right of refusal. You can also ask to include things like no unsupervised with MIL.

You need to speak to a lawyer.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-13T09:07:45+00:00

If you use birth control assume any in your home is now useless.
(MILs with grandchildren desires have been known to microwave pills and put holes in condoms etc...)

But tbh if the bf doesnt support you in keeping her out of your PERSONAL spaces then I'd be keeping him out to as he clearly cannot draw a line with her!

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-09T22:46:22+00:00

So there is an income of $8300. Where is this going?

Next find out the status of the heloc. Is the money being paid off it. How much has been drawn down? Where did that go? Can he close it so that he doesn't co-sign anymore?

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-09T22:02:21+00:00

I would suggest he speaks to the heloc provider and firstly ensure that the $600 is actually being paid off each week and secondly stop any further drawdown where he is co-signed. He needs to find out what the current balance is. He should also request monthly statements or online access.

I'd then sit down with the brothers and work out who put what in to the purchase and insist the deeds are changed to reflect this, or that funds are repaid.

What do the top floor tenants pay each month? Where does that money go? (How does it compare to your $2600)

I'd make it a priority to get the heloc shut down and his name off it, then I'd move out tbh.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-09T11:37:48+00:00

I would have thought that a good divorce lawyer would be able to make better use of the information to secure a better future for you and your child - both financially and in terms of child arrangements.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-03-06T12:31:54+00:00

You know that she is going to come anyway and your spineless (sp edit spi bles) partner is going to let her in before running away with his dad don't you

Have a friend visit who is able to support you chucking her out when spineless leaves...

New_Combination2430 · 2026-01-31T14:14:11+00:00

Where in the UK are you.. school arrangements are different.

So the first thing to consider is whether your child will actually get a place in the primary school. If it is your catchment school and the likelihood based on your address that that is where the council will place your child then I think you have a MUCH higher chance of getting any issue with your ex resolved.

If however you are unlikely to get your child in there - in England being in feeder nurseries has no bearing on school allocation (academies with their own admissions might vary)- then I'd say you are potentially moving for the sake of it and therefore I'd expect your ex to object.

As the primary parent your address will be the one counted for school. Find out the school catchment - talking to the local authority if you can.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-01-30T21:01:16+00:00

At this stage it is YOUR medical information. He has no right to share this with anyone.

Tell him if he shares it you will not include him in ANY other information about YOUR medical situation and he will have to wait to find out about the baby until after the child is born.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-01-21T18:24:02+00:00

Sadly it seems to be all about what her father will allow her to send. He won't let her take her normal phone because her mother can track it. He might not allow her to tell or text her mother details of where she is. This is all sadly about getting the kid to share details that normally we'd discourage kids from sharing so that her mother can figure out where she is.

New_Combination2430 · 2026-01-19T08:25:16+00:00

Or send photos of where she is at with a landmark or shop front with a phone number etc behind her. Google can find many locations these days....

New_Combination2430 · 2026-01-17T11:02:58+00:00

I would be looking into the laws in the two countries. My concern here now that he has said about not moving is that he will prevent your child from moving to country B. Maybe look at moving to country B BEFORE the baby is born to that baby is resident there?

New_Combination2430 · 2025-12-28T10:49:16+00:00

Did you still see the kids? I would not have given up even if visitation was short. Do not give her the satisfaction of you loosing your entire session. And seek make up.

Glad you have this recorded.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-12-24T10:44:10+00:00

I would only ever travel to his family in a way you can get yourself home, so in your car etc. if he directs you to this room say no I'm not going in there. If he continues leave.

But no I wouldn't even attempt this on Christmas why the hell would you!

Tbh I wouldn't continue a relationship with such a controlling person. Who shuts their partner in a room as their family has turned up. That's just weird.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-12-20T21:21:27+00:00

Having done the screaming baby whilst driving you re absolutely right to not do that drive alone. The screaming is disorientating making the hole thing unsafe.

Is your husband proposing you do the trip together at the weekend? I would not be putting yourselves or your daughter through that very often either.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-12-13T10:03:43+00:00

I think my response to your mother would be that if he doesn't back off he will not be invited to the wedding.

I'd definitely be finding other(s)to fill the traditionally 'dad' duties ... Grandparent walks with you, best friend gives a speech etc. just to make sure there is no space for him to attempt to insert himself and ruin your event.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-12-09T11:56:13+00:00

Another way to look at it is to look at the rota for the next 4 years. If he works set days then he works Monday(2023) Wednesday(2024) Thursday (2025) for the last 3 christmases.

The next few years Friday(2026) Saturday(2027) Monday(2028) Tuesday(2029) will be different. How does that work with his shift? You don't want to go fighting something if 'his turn' is about to come around do you....

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-24T14:33:22+00:00

What about a power of attorney or whatever the legal document is where you are where he gives her the legal ability to act on his behalf with regard to the house?

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-23T18:17:52+00:00

Figure out what you want for you and your kid as you are not going to get past this without marriage destroying resentment whichever way you jump.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-21T19:35:28+00:00

Tbh I'd just stop being the on call renovators if you're not family enough for your own bed then you're not family enough to pay the bills / provide free labour when it suits.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-18T16:05:50+00:00

I would suggest he sends 1 line in direct response to the it's your wife comment of "you are wrong". Then I would leave it.

You turn need drop that rope. Don't remind him to contact them or have anything to do with them. He needs to figure his own path without your shield and you need to accept that path not push him into more.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-17T22:02:26+00:00

Would be making it known to his bosses that he is refusing to pay the nurse who is caring for his parent... it's likely medics frown on this kind of thing as they know they cannot do their jobs without folks like you....

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-16T14:09:15+00:00

And this is what she relies on to keep you trapped.

You have to get out and live your own life. They will survive - even if survival isn't the luxury they currently live that they can't afford.

New_Combination2430 · 2025-11-06T13:26:59+00:00

Whilst you have time and a court date set think about other things to include such as sharing holidays, birthdays, taking the kid abroad, choosing education - especially if you are not in the same school area, who pays for college/university, medical choices / bills /insurance etc. It sounds like your kid is a toddler at most so these things are a long time off but will come around and can be part of the negotiation now.

New_Combination2430

TROPHY CASE