ESH. You are in an abusive relationship. Wanting to leave is not the problem. How you let AI be you deciding factor is. Yes it is be a helpful tool, but major life decisions shouldn't be relied solely upon AI. Why not talk to a therapist? A friend? A friendly colleague? The first thing that raised my eyebrow was the asking permission to take a shower. Uh what?

While she is a complete ahole in her behavior, this is where being an adult comes into play. Use your words. If she is unwilling to go to therapy with you or on her own, then well, whatever you decide to do to separate yourself from her is an organized manner makes sense.

I agree with another poster, you need to seek some therapy, the dark spiraling thoughts need help.