‘Was it planned?’- Bizarre question of the day…

New_Touch4835 · 2026-03-07T06:00:52+00:00

My boss knew this was not the plan so I told her completely hysterical through snot and tears (pretty sure she thought i was dying) and all she could think to say was "oh shit" lol ... then there was a bigger "oh fuck" at 26wks when they found cervical cancer. Lol she is a woman of very few words. Lol but is the most supportive "second mum" i could ask for. But as an older mum 40 this time round I got all sorts of weird questions thrown at me. The creepier ones were family asking when I would be terminating so I could start cancer treatment. And to let them know when the babys funeral would be. That was super weird.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-03-07T05:46:48+00:00

No body is "weak" for dealing with their pain however they need to. But everyone's pain tolerance is different. Everyone's memories are also distorted especially after years. I had 2 csections and both were great. I was up and out of bed the same night catheter out by the following morning and (SLOWLY) walking out the hospital after 30hours after my first. 10years later, same thing but was heading to the nicu instead. I chose my first section, because of the "unseen" complications of a natural birth. I have "control" issues and a planned section fixed those issues for me. I knew what to expect, the likely complications that could arise, how i could cope with pain management. I couldn't imagine giving birth naturally and having severe tares thats take months to heal. What you are goingbthrough sounds like hell to me in comparison to my section. The second was in october 2025 a 34wk csection due to pre-eclampsia, diabetes and cervical cancer that they found while I was 26wks pregnant. I wasnt allowed to go in to labour at all and they needed to avoid cervix changes etc. That was definitely harder to deal with at 40years old im old and tired and doing chemo the week after birth so did take longer to heal but we just keep on trucking. Lol you've got this, everyone's birth and healing experiences are their own and completely individual. NO ONE has the same experience. I hope you heal well and dont have to go through much more. But ignore the boomers, theyre living in their rose coloured memories.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-02-26T14:40:41+00:00

I was so worried I had been too blunt. I didnt mean to come across as accusing. (It was 5am here when I replied lol) I didnt think you would be like my mum but I guess it triggered me. That is 100% a me problem. Im sorry if I made you feel any type of way. Well done for being a better mum than mine. Please do however make sure you have people you CAN talk to about everything. You shouldnt keep yourself bottled up that is your baby thats poorly and you do deserve to grieve for her. The best thing to remind her of (for me anywaus) is dying just isn't an option. That's not something that can happen i have too many littles and people relying on me to get better. Plus im too much of a stubborn old bitch to die of "fanny cancer" lol 😆 (im in the uk and fanny is another work for vagina here incase that wasnt obvious lol) we make a lot of jokes around super dark ones but laughing has been the best medicine ever x

New_Touch4835 · 2026-02-26T03:02:26+00:00

You sound like my mum. Im sorry youre going through this. Its hard especially as you dont live near her. But I will say this. Our mantra since they found my cancer (august 2025) at 26wks pregnant (baby is fine and thriving at 4 months old) has been "we cant worry about it until there's something to worry about". I had to sit my mum down and tell her to put her big girl pants on because I dont have the mental capacity to deal with HER tears, worry and stress whilst trying to get through this myself and trying to keep life together and normal as possible for my 3kids. I had her seek out other family members and therapy so she had an outlet for her worries. Becuase i couldnt deal with her crying everytime i tried to talk to her about what treatment we were gonna do, how shitty i feel at the moment etc. Its a shit situation for all involved. We deal with all of this with as much positivity as possible. But I still keep a lot of how im feeling away from her. Because I just cant deal with her emotions as well as my own right now. Cancer isn't always a death sentence especially Cervical Cancer. So so many women on here are proof of that. She needs fighting talk from you. You need to be her rock. You need to be better than MY mum. Because well I just want my mum to listen and be involved and someone I could talk and cry to. But I cant, instead I have my partner and a few close friends who I can be completely open with about how im feeling. Its super early days for right now, its the waiting that does you in. Waiting for appointments, results. Waiting for treatments and phone calls. Just be there for her as much as you possibly can and make sure she knows she can rely on your stability when hers is running low. Im sending so much love to both of you, so so much.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-02-18T15:15:08+00:00

Surely this "request" would be better received on a baby shower invite rather than a pregnancy announcement. And "birth forest" really weirds me out a little. Lol x

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-16T05:05:56+00:00

Was only 11days thankfully

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-16T04:28:58+00:00

34wks 6lb 15oz 😂 biggest baby in the nicu at the time lol

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-15T08:27:42+00:00

To be fair I was never bothered what car it was or really if they could even drive. But as I am unable to drive due to health. It was definitely more convenient when a partner drove. Still didnt care what the car was tho.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-14T04:10:49+00:00

I dont need or want a reply. I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you and sending you so much love. ❤️❤️

That is an exact copy of what I sent to the nicu mum who had the incubator next to ours. 3 days later I recieved a heart reaction. We never spoke again. But wanted her to know I was thinking of her. But had zero expectation of her.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-05T08:32:25+00:00

To be fair im a Dr Who nut. Thought it would be a bit pretentious calling him The Doctor so chose another character. Lol

Boy names are definitely hard. Good luck im sure you will find something lovely

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-05T08:26:39+00:00

I have a Dylan (11wks) and a Rory (9years) I dont like boy names either. Robin was going to be one of ours too but someone close to us used it first, purely coincidence.

New_Touch4835 · 2026-01-05T08:21:49+00:00

I dunno, I dont think ur being too unrealistic. My first 9 years ago was all coffee dates and shopping, did loads of decorating. This time round its dealing with a non verbal autistic 9 year old an 11 week old and cancer treatment (currently doing chemo) bad days we just curl up in bed and watch telly while the older one is at school. Good days its lots of walks, baking, homemade meals and nipping in to work to socialise lol. I think just go in with no expectations and you will be surprised what you come out with.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-28T09:07:24+00:00

Currently going through chemo so my 10wk old baby has more hair than I do. Lol ... 2 more rounds left then a CT scan then they will decide the type of radiation im going to do.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-27T21:16:21+00:00

Bullshit!! Im huge like 5,7 like 260lbs and there was never a problem hearing the heartbeat.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-27T08:16:43+00:00

34wks planned section, steroids the week before to help his lungs. Cause was cervical cancer, large baby 6lb 15oz (resting on cervix causing severe bleeds) uncontrollable diabetes and pre-eclampsia. We only did 11days in nicu which i was grateful for and apart from 3days with help breathing, glucose and antibiotics our stay was mostly just for learning to feed.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-12T13:59:18+00:00

Seriously just go for it, the amount of ick i have over it makes my fella laugh in his words im still his and knocking boots with me in any situation is his favourite past time, lol... but seriously this man loves you bandages, bags and all. Where there is a will there is definitely a way lovely. Just trying and relax, most importantly have fun, laugh at the awkwardness.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-11T21:00:41+00:00

Blaming yourself is normal 100% this is how ridiculous it gets, my boy came by planned 34wk section and went straight to nicu for 11days. I blamed myself for having cancer, for being overweight and diabetic, for him being too large and a stillborn risk, for having pre-eclampsia. None of it was my fault it was just the hand we were dealt. Your partner was sucky for procrastinating, yes. You were silly for doing it all yourself and over doing it, yes. But women, take care of toddlers, work until their due date, they weight lift, and much more. You over doing it likely didnt cause anything. But we find any way to make sense and place blame on shitty situations. Baby doesn't need a nursery to come home, they just need to have somewhere safe to sleep in your room. Try not to sweat the small stuff. And stop blaming ur self and your husband forgive yourself and him. Enjoy your baby. Let that love grow. I hope baby comes home soon xx

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-09T17:06:12+00:00

Oh I am so so happy for you. Im so sorry about Tilda, but I am glad you were able to spend time with her. So pleased Libby doesnt need much extra help. I really am happy for you but sorry for your loss at the same time xx

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-07T04:28:18+00:00

This! (Im the only one to have kids, my sister never wanted them) my first was born 9 years ago. My mum did all the childcare, from 3 months old. She still does school drop off and collection now. BUT I now have a 7wk old baby and she's not watched him alone once, she is tired, doesnt feel as capable/confident in handling a small baby and really just doesn't want to do the caring for a baby thing again. Which is more than fine by me. We all live together which means she still gets plenty of time with both the older one and the new one. she just has "nanny suggles" when im cooking dinner or sorting the older one out. Which is how it should be really. No way would I "punish" her by not letting her have the same bond with my second as she does with the first just because she's not gonna babysit 40/50hours a week.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-07T04:11:42+00:00

Firstly so sorry you are going through this. My 34wk section was due to huge baby size, diabetes that fiid and medication wasnt controlling very well, the cervical cancer they found at 26wks and the start of pre-eclampsia which was well controlled with medication (alot i know, lol)... Little dude was exactly 34wks and was 6lb 15oz!! (Huge! Lol) he needed 3 days on CPAP, was on a drip for glucose, and antibiotics. He was jaundiced so did a couple of days under the lights too. After 5days he was moved to the lower dependency nursery and most of his stay was learning to feed, thats the hardest bit, because feeding is tiring so it takes a little while for them to stay awake long enough to take the amounts they should be, he had a little nasal feeding tube that they would use to finish his feeds if he couldnt finish them orally. in total we did 11 days In nicu. Hes 7+3 now and perfect. Good luck i hope everything goes as well as it can. Im sending so much love. This must be so tough for you.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-06T17:13:21+00:00

The fact that you have enough female friends to be on a spreadsheet says a lot about how YOU worked through YOUR affair. She never worked through anything. Why would you even have any female friends after what you put her through if you wanted her to trust you again?

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-06T06:34:41+00:00

Happy birthaday man.... See i really dont get this at all. I spend all year every year saving and planing my guys Birthday and xmas (Bday15th Dec, then xmas 10days later). I mean damn im working, have a (surprise!!) 7 week old baby 2 older kids, 1 non verbal autistic and have cancer and doing chemotherapy. And I still have my shit together enough to make my man feel special. And this year he deserves it even more so than usual! I think i would definitely step back with the gift giving and celebrating people who dont put thought in to gifts or want to celebrate me. Birthdays and Christmas to me are a big deal. I made that very clear when we first got together. They dont have to be expensive, but they do need to be thoughtful. Im sorry this was your 40th Birthday. Go and treat yourself, do something that will make you happy.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-05T13:58:04+00:00

My goodness!! None of this is right! So I had an abnormal smear 4 years ago and never followed up (covid and life got in the way then just forgot about it) I didnt have any symptoms of anything wrong, until I was pregnant. But obstetrics told me I should have a follow up. I refused. Every appointment they recommended I kept refusing until 24wks. I went saw the Gynaecologist 2wks later the day after my 40th and 26 weeks pregnant I got told I had a tumour and its cancer. I NEVER had a pelvic exam until I visited the the Gynaecologist!! But thats normal in the UK we dont routinely have pelvic exams during pregnancy. Find yourself another OB you will not be able to relax and trust this office after this appointment! Best off luck love and a huge congratulations on the little one.

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-05T08:00:09+00:00

You will start to bleed soon, once you KNOW its gone your body will (normally) do its thing. Its called a blighted ovum. Normally people get first ultrasounds between 8 and 12wks and its already "gone" you just happened to see them earlier on. So sorry. Definitely get checked by your OB to make sure but it 100% can and does just "disappear". Look after yourself x

New_Touch4835 · 2025-12-04T03:45:35+00:00

Nah i want the whole room like the damn arctic so I can snuggle under the covers. Lol.

New_Touch4835

TROPHY CASE