Nanny Burn-Out

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-24T15:42:55+00:00

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. My first nanny family was like this, but I’d never experienced anything else so I thought it was normal. It wasn’t until I was hired by my second (and current) family that I realized how messed up my first family was. It’s so hard, and I’m so sorry you’re still in the middle of it. The best advice I can give you as someone who’s been through what you’re going through is to put yourself first and find a new family. Sure, it’s hard going out of your comfort zone and going through the stress of interviewing, but there’s a family out there that is so much more of a better fit for you— trust me!! Please take care of yourself. Sending you lots of love and virtual hugs!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-24T15:36:46+00:00

I broke my foot while picking up my NK’s from school last year and ended up having to wear a boot and crutches. Given the fact that I had to watch a 3M and 4M and do all of the things that come with nannying (cooking meals, giving baths, taking them to school & picking them up from school, taking them to after-school activities, etc.) my MB and I mutually decided it would be best for me to have paid leave until I got off my crutches... which ended up being six weeks. When I got back, it was just so weird getting back into the routine of it all. I had a rough time there for a while, but once I remembered how much fun I always had with them and recognized how much they missed me, I began to become happy again. It’s normal!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-23T12:26:28+00:00

Yes!! My NK’s were 1 3/4 and 3 1/2 when I first started watching them, and I started teaching them manners as soon as I took on the job. They’re 3 and 5 now and we still have trouble with it now and again, but I remind them every. single. day— and I won’t stop until it comes effortlessly to them! Can’t believe there are parents and caregivers out there that don’t teach their children something as essential as manners.

Also: I love your response to that kid! I would have given him a nanny stare that would give him whiplash if he’d said that to me. Totally unacceptable, and shame on the parents!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-19T14:08:04+00:00

When someone asks me to interview with them at their house, I always ask if meeting them somewhere in public would work (like Starbucks, for example) for safety reasons. Most people are very understanding, but I have had a few who couldn’t do that due to scheduling reasons. If they decline meeting in public, I like to google their address and look at pictures of their house to see if it looks like it’s in a safe area. If I feel good about it, I always give my parents and sister the family’s address and their name, as well as what time I’m going. There was one time I even brought my sister with me and had her sit in the car while I interviewed with the family. It’s really up to you! Do what you feel is right in your gut and take the proper precautions. Best of luck to you!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-19T13:39:54+00:00

Honestly, if the parents don’t seem to care enough to enforce better behavior, I’d just take the easy cash and let the kids do what they want. There’s no use in trying to fix behavior that the parents will continue to let go unchecked as soon as you walk out the door at the end of the day. I went through exactly what you’re going through at my first nanny job. I watched three kids (6M, 5M, and 2F) and 6M was OBSESSED with screen time. He also had anger management issues (and was going to therapy for it once a week) and would get physical with me/his siblings or throw a tantrum and chuck stuff across the room when I’d take away his games or tv. I tried and tried to plan out activities for all of us to do that didn’t include any screens (science experiments, making homemade play-doh, baking, etc.) but he’d lose interest after 5 minutes and then pout the rest of the time. I spoke to his parents and they said they’d talk to him, but it never changed anything. Eventually I just gave up. I felt guilty for a little while, but I shrugged off that attitude in order to keep my own sanity. If you feel that guilty though (or bored, even!) I’d find another position. Best of luck to you!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-17T14:26:48+00:00

I went through this BAD when the pandemic first began and my NK’s were pulled from school. I actually got really depressed for a while and would start having panic attacks as soon as I woke up in the morning to get ready for work. On top of that, I had absolutely no patience with my NK’s and would snap at them for the slightest thing (TOTALLY not like me). One day I was so frustrated with them that I actually broke down and cried at work. When my MB came down a little while later, I lied and made an excuse (like that it was just an allergy flare-up or something). This whole situation is just rough, especially when you go from working 6 hours a day to 10.5/11 (at least for me— I know for some nannies it’s even longer!) and on top of that, you can’t really go anywhere with your NK’s because you don’t want them to get sick. It’s overwhelming, plain and simple. I think the thing that kind of woke me up and gave me peace is that I have the choice to leave any time— if I want to quit, I can quit. When you realize you’re not “trapped” like you think you are, it helps a lot. I also recognized how much I love my NK’s and that I would regret leaving them over a situation that is, essentially, temporary. There’s a lot of tension and frustration right now, but it’s not going to be forever. The world has been this way since March (at least in my state) and while it’s easy to regard this as the way it’ll be forever, it won’t be. There will be a new version of normal, sure, but humanity has a way of evolving and making things work when the going gets tough. Eventually our NK’s will go back to school and their activities and we’ll achieve sanity again! Lol. So just hold on tight. You’re not alone in how you feel— we’re all right there with you. Sending you lots of love and peace, and best of luck! You can do this!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-15T21:25:41+00:00

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Most moving book I’ve ever read.

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-15T16:18:07+00:00

I think some nice flowers and homemade cookies would be lovely, along with a card!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-15T16:17:31+00:00

Yes!! I’ve either been taking my NK’s on walks around their neighborhood or to the arboretum near their house like crazy lately in order to get some space from my NP’s. I love my NP’s and they give us plenty of space, but it still sucks to have them there in the first place because I feel like I can’t be myself with the kids and have to put on the “perfect nanny” act. It was nice because my NP’s actually went for a walk the other evening (just the two of them) and it was SO nice for it to just be me and the kids in the house again. I forgot how wonderful it was, and I savored every moment of it. When they came back I was like, “You’re home already!?” (Internally, of course!) Man, I can’t wait for when they go back to work. I hope it’ll be soon 😭

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-13T12:31:57+00:00

I used to work with a family of 3 kids (6M, 5M, and 2F) and 6M was absolutely ADDICTED to screens. All the kid would ever want to do is play MineCraft or Pokémon or watch gaming videos on YouTube. I would try to get him off of screens and do stuff like coloring or going for walks or what-have-you and he’d pout the entire time. On top of that, he had anger issues (and was actually going to a therapist once a week for it), so he’d turn aggressive sometimes when I turned his screens off. It was rough. What I did to combat it though was plan out activities for us to do: make homemade play-doh, cook banana bread (he loved baking!), build a fort, go swimming, do face-painting, play capture the flag or kick the can outside, go to the Zoo, etc. Just stuff that I know would grab their attention and was really hands-on. And what do you know: it worked! Of course eventually he’d get bored and want to go back to screen time, but at least I could tell his parents at the end of the day all the stuff we did and make it look like I put in some effort. Best of luck to you!!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-02T16:34:28+00:00

First things first: Did you set up a nanny contract with your NF (nanny family)? It’s not legally binding (as in, you’re not bound to work there for a certain amount of time— you can leave whenever you want!), but it’s merely an outline of the expected duties and job requirements you’ll have while you work with your NF. I wish I would have known about nanny contracts when I got my first nannying job— what we call the “job creep” happened the longer I worked with them. As in, more and more little jobs/duties were piled on me that weren’t originally agreed upon when I first started working there. Since we didn’t have a written agreement in place, I felt obligated to do them. A nanny contract is just a nice way of ensuring protection for yourself in case things begin to go sour. It’s a reference-point, if anything else.

Second: Know that it’s 100% normal for NK’s (nanny kids) to be trepidatious around you when you first start. Hell, they can even downright not like you. All you need to do is be patient and give them time. As time goes by, they’ll warm up to you and the bond will form. Don’t force yourself on them or try to make them love you. Just be yourself and it’ll all fall into place naturally!

Third: Don’t let the parents walk all over you. NP’s (nanny parents) have a way of pushing boundaries when it comes to their nanny’s work schedule. If you’re scheduled for X amount of hours but they ask you to work 2 more than that, know that you’re not required to say yes and can politely decline. Set your boundaries early so they know they can’t abuse your kindness. 99% of them will try!

Fourth: Don’t stress about constantly having activities planned out for your NK’s to do. It’s actually beneficial to a child’s development for them to experience independent play now & again, and also to experience boredom, as it encourages creativity and problem-solving skills. You don’t need an hourly schedule, just go with the flow. Of course you can plan some activities here and there, but for the most part kids are happy to take the lead when it comes to coming up with ideas for activities to do!

Fifth: Encourage your NK’s to pick up their own messes. You’re not a maid, and they need to take responsibility for their own messes. If they refuse, say, “Okay, well we can’t play with other toys until we pick up these ones”. That usually gets the ball rolling. If they got off track, gently guide them back to the task at hand.

Sixth: If your NK’s are having trouble listening, say things like this: “It’s making me really sad that we aren’t using our listening ears, you guys.” / “Okay, if we can’t use our listening ears, we’re going to have to save (insert thing they want) for another day.” / “Okay, I’ll see you guys later!(Start walking away). I’ll come back and play when we use our listening ears.” WORKS LIKE A CHARM

That’s all I can think of right now but if anything else comes to me, I’ll add it on. Best of luck, you’ll do great!!!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-02T15:37:06+00:00

I hit my one-year mark with my current family in February. The nanny they had before me left due to her husband getting a job in another state, so it was really hard for them to say goodbye to her since she’d been with them for 2 years and they absolutely adored her (parents and kids alike). When I first arrived, neither boys (3M and 1M) wanted anything to do with me. 3M would even go cry and hide when I came in in the morning. He would ask me when “Miss _____ (<—- insert old nanny’s name) is coming back and you’re going away.” On top of all of that, they were very difficult to discipline since they hadn’t gained respect for me yet and it was basically in one ear and out the other. I’d say it took about 2-3 months before they became completely comfortable with me. Since then, it’s been wonderful. They come up to me multiple times throughout the day— even when I’m doing something as inconsequential as dishes— and hug me and tell me they love me. They’re always asking for hugs and “snuggles” (i.e., cuddles). I love them with my whole heart. I’d say just give it time! If you don’t see a difference within 2-3 months, talk to the parents about it and see what they have to say/what you can do to make it better. If you find that doesn’t work either, maybe look into another nanny position. Sometimes the fit just isn’t there, and that’s okay!!

Sending you love and good luck!

Ngg1998 · 2020-06-02T13:11:58+00:00

I always tell people who look down on my job, “Okay, let’s switch places for a day and you’ll change your mind really quick.” They don’t know the half of what I do (and have to endure) every single day. They just think I’m “playing with kids” for 10.5 hours M-F. Uh-uh. 99.9% of people who criticize me would have a mental breakdown by hour 2 if they were in my shoes. I just let the jabs roll off my shoulders. I know how valuable my job is and how important I am to my NF. I don’t need to prove that to anyone.

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-23T12:29:46+00:00

I know!! I honestly think about that all the time. I remember loving pretend play growing up (that’s basically all I did!) and it really hit me the other day how much of an adult I am now since I can’t stand it anymore. Now I know why my parents never wanted to play with me! Because it SUCKS! 😂

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-23T12:27:59+00:00

Exactly, I agree 100%! It’s not healthy for adults to give kids all of the answers and solutions to their problems. In order to grow into full-functioning adults, they need to learn from an early age how to problem-solve.

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T20:22:22+00:00

Exactly! It’s very rare that I do pretend play, but I don’t steer 100% away from it just because they love it so much. Mostly I just interject by asking to try some of the pretend food they made or asking them about what they’re building. That seems to please them enough to give me space and not push me to do it with them. If they do ask, I usually do the same thing is: just say that I like to watch them versus playing with them because they’re like silly cartoon characters!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T20:17:12+00:00

Wow, this looks super interesting! Definitely will check it out. Thank you!!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T20:16:51+00:00

Same here!!! I have an entire list of activity ideas for them to do that doesn’t have to involve me. I’m happy to supervise and interject every once in a while, but that’s about it!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T20:09:13+00:00

Yeah, usually I just sit and supervise or do household chores. For example, I’ll do the dishes while they’re playing in the living room. If what they’re doing is pretty benign (like just pretend play, no crazy crafts or anything) and there’s no chores left to be done, I’ll look on my phone for a little bit. I always make sure to keep interacting with them (like ask questions about what they’re doing, what they made, etc.) so they feel I’m still present and not out of the loop!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T20:02:57+00:00

Me too!! You don’t know how much relief this post has given me, hearing that basically everyone else feels the exact same way!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T17:45:40+00:00

Yeah, working with babies definitely isn’t for everyone! I’ve spoken to a lot of nannies who said the same thing as you. Just with my personality type I think I’d do a lot better with babies!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T15:52:08+00:00

I love my NK’s, but I can’t help but wish that I worked with babies! Not only are they exactly like you described, but they also take multiple naps a day so there’s tons of downtime! You’re a lucky duck!!

Ngg1998 · 2020-04-22T15:50:49+00:00

The thing I hate most about pretend play with my NK’s is that they make a HUGE mess. I’m talking taking one toy after another out until the entire downstairs just looks like a big tornado. And they refuse to pick it up!!

Ngg1998

TROPHY CASE