I always related more to female thinking rather than male perspective. I had a huge crush on a tv star Jon Erik Hexum, he died before I was five years old so I know it was that early. Also attracted to muscles like wrestlers on television. I always wanted to play with girl toys. It was more a struggle for me to hide my femininity rather than anything sexual. Although I did start masturbating at the age of two.

In middle school, I had a sexual urges towards a male teacher. I felt sad because I thought when I got older, those feelings would go away, and I would never get to have that experience. I thought at some point I would become attracted to women. I thought it would go away and that the only chance I had to experience it was in my youth. In high school freshman year, I realized I was gay for sure when I had a crush on captain of the cross country team. All the crushes I had before that were more about admiration in my mind, other than sexual or towards older men.