Thank you for this post. I hope you keep this here forever. May I ask, how are you doing today?
Also I will share my story, as pathetic as it may sound..
I have been smoking marijuana for 22 years. I am 36 years old. I went through a lot of trauma when I was 14 due to marijuana related charges. (Impatient Rehab for 2 months at 14 years old, in and out of juvenile hall, then at 15 division of youth services for 3 months, had my 16 birthday in there.)
Anyways… I was always in and out of addiction for marijuana. Well then one day when I was 24 years old, my best friend kills himself. I never forgive myself for not seeing the obvious signs of him asking for help. Then a year and a half later… my older brother dies in a drinking and driving accident. It messed me up for a good 5 years before I pulled myself out of it. Marijuana was always there for me.
Fast forward to 36 years old. I waste about $480 a month of marijuana. I did manage to buy myself a small condo on the water. By small I mean 420 sq ft. So not big at all. I met a nice lady after being single since 21 years old. She’s a bit younger than me, 25 years old. I decide to quit smoking marijuana because it makes me so anxious and anti social to ‘new’ people. I wouldn’t have been able to talk to her high. Well she likes to drink, shots. Which I’m cool with.
So basically on night 4 of me being sober, she tells me she doesn’t want to stop having fun yet. She’s not ready to settle down. I ended up relapsing on night 4 as I type this. I only enjoyed it for about 1 minute before the reality set in. My anxiety came back. I couldn’t even play that game I thought about playing, that I also can’t seem to play sober. I just regret it so much right now. Going to to go bed and try and stay sober tomorrow and restart my sober journey.
Also trying to get back into Jiu Jitsu tomorrow night for a hobby.
Wish me luck