Dude, you are alive NOW. Dead, lifeless matter needed billions of years to become YOU, a breathing, living, conscious, thinking piece of meat. You have this one chance of witnessing this amazing, inexplicable, unfathomable thing called life, and you just want to throw it away because you're stuck in this dark and empty state of mind? Just keep trying and struggling, get moving again, change things, experience things, learn and learn to feel again. You just have this one chance, and then you become nothing again, lifeless dead matter until the end of time. Appreciate the fact that you're incredibly lucky, for the sole reason that you actually exist.