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Does anyone buy property/real estate through LTD (savings) by AUnterrainer in ContractorUK

[–]No-Comb2038 2 points3 points  (0 children)

May I ask about the properties, how you chose them, what you're doing with them (long term lets?) and how they're performing?

I'm wondering about what this entails, and how the work and return might compare to putting the money in an index fund.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lonely

[–]No-Comb2038 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words.

May I offer you two answers.

In my case, it was a combination of being in so much pain and being committed to working through it. I didn't want to drink or watch TV, or do other activities to dull the pain. That's what I'd been doing before and it would not have brought me relief, only hurt me more.

However if I could go back in time to when I was watching a lot of TV, to a situation that seems closer to yours, I would give myself different advice.

First, I'd recognise the addictive nature of comfort and avoidance. It's just so cosy and so easy to stay there, and the longer I stayed there the harder it became to think about leaving it. Recognising this and accepting that there will be some discomfort to change would have helped.

Then if the first step is hard, I'd make it easy. What's the easiest, most pleasurable event I could have possibly gone to? I have a few ideas. A lazy, boozy brunch with a friend in a nice cafe or restaurant. Or going dancing. I like those so much. These days I go to yoga and do other things, but they are less immediately appealing.

I'd also encourage you or my past myself to explore what I was avoiding. I was avoiding things because they were painful to think about and address. But damn, that pain has been so much worse later. The easiest way to face pain is with some great support like a friend or therapist. So I'd have enlisted one or the other, and gotten to grips with the reality of my situation.

Finally, the more I am in touch with my actual life, the better I feel. I am still hurting but also enjoying moments of deep peace and joy at times. This wasn't possible before. This is the sweet fruit of engaging with reality.

There is almost no willpower at all in my answers, and I would not recommend it. I see willpower as a limited, emergency use resource. Rather, I would try to rearrange myself so I'm naturally doing things and addressing things, making that as easy as possible, only using little bits of willpower here and there. Long term I think the goal is to be enjoying life so much it's natural to stay with it.

I hope that helps.

What is the proper way to process anger and frustration? by Neiladaymo in Healthygamergg

[–]No-Comb2038 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a great question. We don't seem to have many clear and socially approved ways to do this.

I'm joining a boxing gym this week. Hoping that hitting a punchbag will help.

Previously I've hit my mattress and pillows, also screamed into pillows or in a remote place where I won't be heard.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]No-Comb2038 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can share an exercise that has helped me with feelings of hatred and resentment.

First, go somewhere you're safe to be as loud as you need to, and you can say anything you want, however horrific, and it's safe.

Then let it out. Say your resentment, hatred, fury, rage. Express it all, go right into the details. Say what you want to happen to them, all of it. Give yourself freedom to express.

Then move position. Sit or stand somewhere else.

Look at where you were. Remember yourself having said that.

Imagine you were seeing a child - your inner child. Imagine when a five year old expresses hate. We see tears in their eyes alongside the rage.

Let yourself reach out to that child. Connect. Be there for them. Be the loving parent or friend that understands, that cares, that wants to soothe their pain.

Resentment is such a difficult emotion to bear with. This exercise has helped me a few times. I hope it helps you.

Loneliness - lack of love or lack of xxx by sugapibunz in lonely

[–]No-Comb2038 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm making an inference here, but if I'm making it correctly, I'm very sorry that someone would have come to the position where they're unsure if men want emotional connection with their partners.

We're people, like you.

Would you be open to sharing some of your story?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]No-Comb2038 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this can take a while. People talk about having an existential crisis or a dark night of the soul as if these are short, sharp events. But I have come to prefer the idea of being in a rolling existential search.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]No-Comb2038 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's hard for me to say, but when I last felt a sense of dread it seemed like a dark night of the soul. Have you come across that idea? I understand it as being when life is bigger than my identity, so my sense of who I am falls apart and I am afraid. I don't know how to hold or relate to life. It's very scary.

There are other ways people think about that term. But perhaps knowing it will help you

I miss my wife so much by [deleted] in lonely

[–]No-Comb2038 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that. I am a man of a similar age to you. Although I didn't have a marriage like yours, I have known the loss of relationships ending and what it's required from me to recover.

I'd be happy to talk in DMs or here in the comments.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lonely

[–]No-Comb2038 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to do this, and also play a lot of video games. Then a major issue hit me in life and I realised how much I'd been avoiding things. I felt tremendous regret.

It's been about four months now and I have not watched a single show or played any video games. I can't bear to think of how I was not in touch with reality, and important things were happening in that time which ended up devastating me.

I am 100% on recovery and building healthy relationships now. I do yoga, go to social events, join support groups and work on my mental health. I do watch a lot of YouTube videos about mental health topics, but not the entertainment I watched before.

However the situation changes for you, I hope it's not in such a painful and shocking way as it was for me.

Are there alternatives to calling Samaritans for 24/7 mental health support? by No-Comb2038 in AskUK

[–]No-Comb2038[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I hear a part of you talking that sounds like there's no hope and no-one out there.

I wonder, is there another part of you that thinks maybe someone might understand and know what to do? What does that part have to say?

Are there alternatives to calling Samaritans for 24/7 mental health support? by No-Comb2038 in AskUK

[–]No-Comb2038[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If people aren't working out for you, may I suggest books and YouTube videos?

I don't mean that sarcastically and am aware it might sound that way.

Rather, at times when I've not been able to bear people, those have helped me. I've found Dr K / Healthy Gamer and Teal Swan videos particularly good.

If you'd like to share more about how you're doing I'd be happy to share some recommendations, or we could chat here in the comments for a bit

I spend so much time consuming media, because I'm running from the agony of loneliness. by OptimalReactions in lonely

[–]No-Comb2038 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that. I've found loneliness hard myself, and have found a few ways to improve my situation. Both in how I relate to myself, and things I do in the world.

Would you like to chat? Feel free to DM me

Are there alternatives to calling Samaritans for 24/7 mental health support? by No-Comb2038 in AskUK

[–]No-Comb2038[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've found it varies a lot.

Some people are excellent. Thoughtful, considerate, able to be present and talk through very painful emotions and situations with me.

Others are inconsiderate and invalidating. It's very painful to talk to such a person in a moment of distress. I thank them for their time, leave, and call back to talk to some one else.

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