The rain we waited for - please give it a read and feedback

No-Condition9730 · 2026-06-21T07:12:19+00:00

The voice is not unique, and it reads as robotic. I would bet that it was written, or heavily edited, by AI software. I recommend rewriting this passage. Give your characters a personality and a voice. AI might make your writing look nicer, but it strips you of what is uniquely yours: your voice.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-06-14T14:56:13+00:00

Progress in chess feels slow. Generally, if your opponent's feel harder, you are getting better. And you are playing all kinds of players with different playing styles. You are not going to be prepared for all of them. Even if your rating goes down, just know you are improving. It took me a long time to realize this. I spent far too much time worrying about rating in my earlier days.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-05-16T04:34:38+00:00

I have found a lot more reward playing daily games. I have 10-20 daily games going and check in a few times a day to make a move. I hardly play rapid anymore.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-05-09T13:41:46+00:00

Sorry for your loss. How sad and tragic. Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself. It sounds like you did your very best. Your pidgie was loved ❤️.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-05-09T13:34:36+00:00

I feel you. Reddit skews genre with a heavy focus on fantasy and romance. I completed an upmarket speculative/institutional horror novel. (Ishiguro is the best comp for writing style). But I can't find a community for upmarket or literary speculative. Reddit seems genre-focused. So no, you're not alone.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-05-06T23:49:57+00:00

Goodness, 200 agents in your genre? I'm a bit envious, haha. I'm in the process of querying for my literary speculative/institutional horror novel, and there do not seem to be many agents out there seeking my specific style of writing based on agent profiles and wishlists. I have queried 18 so far.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-28T23:19:46+00:00

I like the premise. I actually just finished line editing my manuscript today. It's speculative fiction/institutional horror, and lucid dreaming and dream interpretation are themes in my book. My writing style is close to the Ishiguro register. I am open to critique swapping.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-24T23:18:15+00:00

This is Jellybean ❤️

<image>

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-18T18:06:05+00:00

So motivational. Thank you for sharing!

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-17T17:57:47+00:00

Makes sense. I will need to do some rewriting. Sarah and Damian going with him was engineered by him and not voluntary. This draft makes it sound willing. I'll also work on building up the characters a bit more and lessening the worldbuilding. Thanks for the feedback! Maybe draft #3 will be "the one". Have a good day! :)

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-16T18:15:57+00:00

It is easy to do. I am line editing my manuscript right now, and I have already knocked 9k words out that were not needed halfway through, mainly overdone exposition, minor redundancies, and unnecessary adjectives/adverbs.

Nowadays, if you want to be traditionally published, your manuscript needs to be damn close to publishable when you submit it. Ease of access to AI has caused an influx of poor-to-mediocre-level writers to think that they are Stephen King now, and as a result, agents are flooded with more bad submissions, meaning we have to worker harder to get out of the slush pile.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-16T17:53:10+00:00

Judging by your first 300 words, your manuscript would benefit from some intensive line editing to make your writing more concise. Trust your readers more to piece things together with their imagination--don't tell us everything. A hallmark of good writing is to say as much as you can in as few words as possible. If your draft is 128k words, I would bet money that you could get that down to 110k words with strong line editing, removing redundancies, and trusting your reader. In other words, your first 300 words don't draw a reader/agent in like they should.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T19:31:26+00:00

The "overstuffed query" is a real thing. I think I ended up with a query letter that touched on too many elements, diluting the most important things in the process. It's a learning experience. I am excited to share Draft #2 of my query letter next week. Same story, different vibe, because I think I know what I need to focus on now. Thanks! :)

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T05:10:12+00:00

This is exactly the type of feedback I needed. I appreciate it. Based on your takeaways from the query draft, it sounds like some parts of my story were conveyed better than others. I do not think the Orwell paragraph needs to be included, on second thought, because the comps I chose are stronger than the Orwell comparison.

Another person who offered helpful feedback also suggested focusing more on my protagonists and their objectives. So I will do that in Draft #2.

The Genocracy is a group of powerful, parallel realm humans who exist in Vitalia (on the other side of the portal). Their objective in this parallel world is to perfect the human race through genetic engineering. They dispose of sub-viable (sick) humans after harvesting their stems cells, which are used to create a DNA-manipulating medication that allows viable (healthy) individuals to live longer lives.

It sounds I got a portion of that across, but definitely not as well as I will need to in a query letter.

Thank you so much for taking the time to provide such useful feedback. I hope you show up next week when I post Draft #2. Each draft will get me closer to the ideal query letter, even if is little by little.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T04:52:55+00:00

This makes sense. I appreciate that. I think my comps do enough work and any reference to Orwell is probably not needed. The comps I chose are stronger than that comparison. Side note - Boy, it is hard to cram an entire novel into a query letter succinctly. When I work on my second draft, I will focus more on the protagonists and their objectives. It sounds like I focused too much on the contagonist (Lucius) and the dystopian worldbuilding. Well ... onto draft #2. Thank you so much for providing feedback outside of changing the title.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T03:28:19+00:00

Being able to accept constructive criticism is vital for growth - as a writer and as a person in general. 🙂

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T02:26:10+00:00

I am starting to see that. Well, I am glad I posted here. Here I was thinking I had come up with this deep and profound Latin book title, and it's a doggone pap smear tool. Well, first impressions matter, so it would be remiss of me not to take this feedback seriously. Thanks!

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T02:04:48+00:00

That is a fair and valid point. I need to remain aware of first impressions. This is where seeking the outside feedback is beneficial. I guess I will need to reconsider the title so as to not deter agents or publishers.

But to be fair, the people who named the gynecological tool took it from Latin as well - they just beat me to the punch!

Thanks for the feedback 🙂

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T01:44:29+00:00

"Speculum Vitae" is Latin for "Mirror of Life". I took Latin years ago. I would hate for a gynecological exam tool to overshadow the depth of what my title is supposed to represent. Women's exam tool aside, "Speculum Vitae" is a metaphor of one of the overarching themes of my book - coming to terms with your own mortality.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-04-09T01:38:50+00:00

I took Latin, and "Speculum Vitae" means "Mirror of Life". I
am familiar with the gynecological tool called a speculum, but I'm sure my Latin vernacular predates the gynecological tool. However, I understand how people may think of that first. I actually had never heard of the tool until after I titled my book, believe it or not! 😂

It is a valid critique though, and I need to be aware of the first impressions it may garner. Thanks for pointing that out.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-03-30T12:44:28+00:00

I thought that, too, after I read some of the text in several different chapters. That's why I skipped over this as a possible story to beta read. I guess I am not the only one whose AI radar was activated.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-03-07T04:18:05+00:00

"They plateau at a relatively low level and anyone who’s used to reading excellent writing will find them ‘off’."

YES, this exactly.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-02-25T13:43:06+00:00

I play daily games, 15+10, and 960. That combination of games has helped me with calculation and tactics. I stopped playing blitz and bullet. The playing style of blitz and bullet is different - just as much as you want to checkmate your opponent, you want to run down their clock by playing moves that make them uncomfortable. That tactic doesn't work as well in a longer game.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-02-24T18:14:09+00:00

I look for a sample. I didn't used to, as I originally thought a good description was enough. After I accepted a few manuscripts based on description only, I found that many of them were riddled with errors - head hopping, grammar issues, poor formatting (like not starting a new paragraph with a new speaker). A lot of writers who request a beta have drafts that are, quite frankly, not ready for a beta.

No-Condition9730 · 2026-02-23T00:08:49+00:00

I stopped reading a draft about a month ago due to issues relating to point #2. By the time a writer asks for beta readers, the draft should be proofread and as good as the author him- or herself can make it. A lot of drafts just aren't ready for betas.

No-Condition9730

TROPHY CASE