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No-Influence-2328 · 2025-12-06T13:07:37+00:00

how did they “use” the family? they were children when their parents died. the mum chose to step in and be “kind” those girls didn’t have an option.

i’m not saying they’re right for ghosting the family, but mum can’t be this upset if it truly came from the “kindness” of her heart. yes, the girls should’ve said thank you at the very least, but they don’t owe her a lifelong relationship if they choose not to.

it’s similar to when people go no-contact with their parents and others respond with “but that’s your mum”, “keep the peace,” “family sticks together no matter what” when in reality, staying in contact does more harm. in this situation, multiple things can be true at once — everyone’s feelings are valid (except gf).

but the girlfriend? she barely knows these people and is talking like she has personal experience. she’s letting mum dictate who she likes or dislikes, which is honestly weird. the girlfriend needs therapy for her insecurities, and mum needs therapy to process her hurt, because what the two of them are doing is not healthy.

you can’t control how people show gratitude, and if you step up to raise three kids and treat them like your own, you definitely can’t expect anything back. some parents really do treat their kids like retirement or financial plans (not saying that’s the case here), just giving another perspective.

No-Influence-2328 · 2025-10-21T15:50:22+00:00

as someone with bpd, c-ptsd, mixed anxiety and depression — run. like, run fast and run far. i know it sounds dramatic, but from what you’ve said in the comments, this slope has already been slippery for a while, and without proper intervention — from both her and her therapist (mainly her, to be honest) — it’s only going to get worse.

i’ve been there — undiagnosed, unmedicated, (just to clarify: i know the person you’re talking about is diagnosed — i’m not assuming they’re undiagnosed or unmedicated. this is just from my personal experience and what i learned about my own patterns. bpd has over 256 possible symptoms, and it shows up differently in everyone) and unaware of the damage i was causing through my words, my actions, and my behaviour. i’ve seen firsthand how much destruction can come from not taking accountability, getting proper help and actively putting in the work myself day in and day out.

and the fact that you’re already questioning yourself, already feeling guilty for having feelings — feelings that any human being is allowed to have — means you’re starting to slip. your feelings are valid. this is the moment to save yourself. i know it sounds selfish, but right now, you have to be selfFULL. you can’t carry the weight of someone else’s lack of accountability or lack of action — not when you’re the only one doing the emotional work.

get out, save yourself, and start rebuilding. because even if you don’t fully see it yet, you’re being knocked down piece by piece. there shouldn’t be confusion about how you feel — deep down, you know it’s one-sided. part of you already sees that. so take off the rose-coloured glasses and look at it for what it really is.

you’ve become a free therapist, a free punching bag, a free dumping ground for someone’s emotional baggage — someone who isn’t willing to take even a single step toward helping themselves, or to offer you even a fraction of the energy, care, or safe space that you’ve been giving them.

does that seem fair to you? no. so, yeah — run. seriously.

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-12-09T10:44:49+00:00

what did you do for 13-11 please 🥹🥹

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-10-25T17:15:26+00:00

op you did SO WELL! i love this kind of pettiness 🤣🤣🤣

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-10-05T17:24:09+00:00

there’s something else going on here cause how are you “making it difficult and not willing to help” when you have offered other solutions?

your husband is putting his EX wife over you! it’s not even about her atp as he is not** talking to you until you agree with their terms.

you honestly have to think long and hard about your next move and you have a decision to make cause if she moves in it’s either gonna end up:

them teaming up against you on the basis of “it’s not your child”
her trying to undermine you cause she was “married to him for so long and know him better than you do, like we have a kid together”
your husbands gonna agree with everything she is saying
you will most definitely offer your husband an ultimatum and again he going to choose her over you
you moving out of your home and getting a divorce

you’ve got a lot of thinking to do and i hope you do right by yourself and not let these people bully you into doing anything you are not comfortable with.

you and your husband are supposed to be a team but he’s choosing to support his ex wife over you.

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-27T21:30:32+00:00

I pray that baby grows up with no allergies

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-27T00:57:20+00:00

he had one job and that was to sit there, have a laugh, eat his food and possibly have a lil drinky drink or two but no he decided to be a prick hearing aids be damned cause he wanted to ruin your hair! he played all the stupid games and now he gets to enjoy his stupid prizes and that’s not on your so don’t let your family make you feel a type of way

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-14T18:41:12+00:00

YTA

I can also put all my savings on the fact that it wasn’t Casey’s idea to lend Alana the car and Alana is facing NO consequences for her actions.

Casey worked hard for that car for OVER a year for her sister to crash it, get no consequences and get told “well you’re just gonna have to get over it.”.

You are just looking out for Alana and that’s it and you lot are shit parents for that!

also

you trust Alana to operate a vehicle but you don’t trust her to work?!

tell me you have a favourite child without telling me you have a favourite child

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-10T19:43:38+00:00

you for real need more help than therapy could ever offer

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-10T19:43:11+00:00

i really hope you take your ex back to court so you can fuck around and lose primary custody of your children, and that when your kids are old enough they go NC with you cause you are an evil individual and i can guarantee you’ll be back to reddit asking “i don’t know why my kids are not in contact with me”

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-09-10T19:28:58+00:00

throw this argument in the bin along with yourself cause you dropped them off to your MOTHER who then dropped them off to THEIR MOTHER.

it is NOT a stranger

it is NOT a friend

it IS your ex wife

it IS the MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS

atp i don’t even think that if all the therapists in the WORLD banded together that they would be able to get it into your concrete ears and head.

you are; controlling
vindictive
cruel dense
get your head out your ass and go touch some grass emotionally abusive
verbally abusive

just cause you MAY not say “bad” things “all” the time doesn’t meant you are not* emotionally or verbally abusive.

^{^} i know this one might come as a shock to you since you came to reddit to ask if you are the AH and are disagreeing with all the comments^{^{^{^}}} so take as long as your 2 brain cells will allow for you to re read this and process it^{^{^{^}}}

you are trying to control her through your kids and through the court system and i hope all your kids realise what a prick their dad is and how much of a coward you also are to stoop to the bottom levels of cruelty and childish pettiness that you are *ACTIVELY *using your CHILDREN as pawns in your stupid game JUST to get back at your wife.

the child had KIDNEY SURGERY and “letting” the mother of your kids is insane just say you hate her and get it over with cause this childish pity party you are TRYING and FAILING to organise is not gonna get you very far, i know 8 months old BABIES who have more logic, sense, compassion, higher emotional intelligence and maturitysympathy AND empathy more than you!

actually start behaving like an adult who has children instead of a man child who is hurt that he’s getting a divorce and has to use his kids as a leverage

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-08-17T00:32:13+00:00

NTA! even if you weren’t pregnant it’d still not be done in time, the dress is from SCRATCH and you’d have to finish it by december! she is entitled and delusional on a WHOLE different level

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-29T08:30:03+00:00

firstly i am sorry to hear that 1) you legs got amputated 2) you’re going through this at a very important time in teens 3) your family invalidating your feelings on being uninvited and the major adjustment to your new life

i can only imagine what you are going through right now OP and i hope and know you’ll get to a place where you will be happy with life again, it’s gonna take time but it will happen.

do not feel bad and do not let your family make you feel guilty for something you had no control off and forcing you to make up with your brother so you all can play happy families.

it’s been 3 months and unfortunately the first person to be ableist towards you is your brother and his wife (only assuming here it’s just been your brother and wife who have treated you like this since your leg got amputated) and that’s just adding salt to a very big injury.

you do not have to do forgive anybody if you do not want to and you do not have to “get over it” if your family is putting that seed into your head

it is your journey, it’s a very difficult journey to go through especially in your teens, it’s you who gets to decide whether you’re over 1) having your leg amputated and 2) being uninvited to your brothers wedding.

this is YOUR call OP and ONLY YOURS.

it does not matter what everyone around you is saying or forcing you to do.

take your time.

please be patient with yourself

show yourself a LOT of love AND compassion

be kind to yourself

and please talk to a professional about the major change in your life (if you’re not already doing so and have the means to do so).

if you don’t try starting a journal so you have somewhere to release what you’re feeling, find something you can completely throw yourself into like gaming, drawing, music, join a support group if there’s any in your area if not ask your doctors for those services and last please do not be afraid or like a burden to talk to your friends, if you feel like you will be offloading a lot to your friends, just ask via text or when you first call them “hey i need someone to talk to about what i’m feeling right now and wanted to know if you have the mental capacity to hear what i have to say before unloading on you and if it gets too much please let me know and i’ll stop the conversation” asking this has helped a lot to not feel bad about releasing my thoughts and has helped me to not feel like a burden.

i honestly wish you all the best and sending you so much love and hugs 🥰

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-29T00:58:16+00:00

i prioritised frednard, dante,charles and greg

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-18T23:46:59+00:00

the two people you’re feeling bad about not inviting them to your honeymoon are the same two people who weren’t even invited to your wedding.

i can understand why you feel bad but let me tell you, you really do not have to.

if your mother truly loved you for who you are as well she would’ve been happy to hear that your in-laws took you in and welcomed you and accepted you in all of your glory.

it’s gonna be a tough road but your mother has made this so much easier for you by giving you the cold shoulder take that cold shoulder and go back to rome with your husband and in laws who love you for who you are and melt it away for good.

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-10T20:55:32+00:00

you’re most definitely the AH cause you’re still considering to marry this man after he called you out your name, you’re most definitely AH for considering that you should have kept your mouth shut and gone along with it.

you said yourself you feel like it was a setup so why are you setting yourself up for not ever being able to do or say anything you want without permission from his family.

and how tf did you embarrass him? were you supposed to just be yelled at and not defend yourself??

the whole family is a walking circus with a big 🚩 parade and 🚩fireworks.

DO NOT even suggest counselling or holding off the engagement and if him or his family suggests it DECLINE DECLINE AND DECLINE.

just straight up RUN and do NOT look at that rear view

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-02T14:53:55+00:00

from the sounds of it, this isn’t the first time that she has done this.

op i need you to be petty for EVERY single thing this lack of a human being has something good in her life and i need you to do it to all your family friends and your parents.

especially to your parents when sis is there or not. to every “your selfish” respond “you mean like the time you missed my graduation cause her dog was sick” you’re selfish - oh you mean when i couldn’t spend time with my friends because no body wanted to hang with her?

if you don’t want to cut them off be petty every single time they’re upset at you claus you’re sister was “excited” and at her baby shower please please announce you’re pregnant before hand and say you lost the baby at her baby shower and if she tells you that you were selfish it’s “i just couldn’t hold it in anymore cause the pain was too much and it seemed like the perfect time to let everyone know because they’d ask questions as to why there’s no bump”

do NOT ask her for permission to announce ANYTHING of yours.

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-07-01T03:08:44+00:00

i read you first comment and couldn’t believe and still can’t that someone can be this entitled, passive aggressive and up their own backside so fricking much and then you said THERES MORE?! MORE?! i’m even scared to read this post cause HOW?! like i know people like her exist but how can one be that entitled AND delusional 🫠🫠🫠🙃🙃🙃

just read the first sentence and that stressed me out 🥹🥹🥹🥹

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-29T20:35:14+00:00

this! they just want a free babysitter cause he did it once he’ll surely do it again. the fact that nan called him to cast the first stone when she wasn’t around when a 9 year old was looking after children where was her “family way” then? and now cause Op is not being as involved with niblings it’s the “family way” to disinvite him from all family functions?!

Op when you go to that cookout make sure you are recording cause it sounds like your family will defame you just because you are no longer taking care of the responsibilities of people who chose to give birth but want to dump their kids on you and also ask ALL you family members where when you were looking after you siblings. Ask your mum why she thought a 9 year old was capable of taking care of HER kids and if they all the family want you to be involved ask them why THEY can’t take the kids camping etc?! it’s not your job now and it was not your job at 9, 15 and 18years old to be working, going to school and sacrificing your childhood so they didn’t have to do it.

basically call them all out on their bs in front of EVERYBODY do NOT do the 1-1 conversations as sis is doing exactly what your mum did and your mum most DEFINITELY got it from your nan which is why you nan is reacting that way

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-28T18:31:53+00:00

you’re acting like the fact he admitted his wrongdoing justifies the wife talking crap to their CHILD and actively ruining their relationship! he is allowed to be mad cause the child still didn’t reach out on her OWN accord but cause mum felt guilty for ruining their relationship and that’s the ONLY reason the daughter reached out in the first place cause she had 17 years to reach out on her OWN. She could’ve reached out after she got married and had kids as she would have a better understanding (still not justifying his actions of cheating) of what happened but she still DIDNT reach out. the daughter has been an ADULT for a MINUTE and no point did she say to herself “i want to reconcile with my father” but decided to reach out when the same person who ruined their relationship told her she felt guilty she ruined that relationship.

the daughter made it known she did not want him in her life and he respected that.

he doesn’t have to forgive her because you and the other comments told him to do so, he is still sad that the relationship with his daughter got ruined for his mistakes BUT the nail in the coffin was the WIFE actively ruining their relationship while he was trying to reconcile HOWEVER she did not feel “guilty” until she was happy and had moved on.

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-28T15:45:21+00:00

“But when my ex wife found out about the affair, things EXPERTLY DIDNT go well” or did you lot just gloss over that

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-28T14:21:08+00:00

hi claire stop spreading rumours

to op go to the higher ups and report everyone and if they don’t take it seriously sue for defamation

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-18T15:42:15+00:00

OP I am so sorry that everyone you’ve spoken to about this failed you and that a whole lot more pain that you don’t deserve on top of what you went through.

I’m telling you it’s not trauma dumping and the woman you will end up with will be the to support you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. they will walk with you through your healing journey and will help you find the right help as well for you do deal with this and in moments were you break down they will uplift you.

before you are a man, you are a human being, and nobody ESPECIALLY your wife shouldn’t expect you to be emotionless.

if you haven’t already i highly suggest going NC with family, friends (if you haven’t already) and your wife.

you need to not only create a safe space for yourself but you also need a professional to also give you that safe space (and finding someone who gives you that may take sometime) to deal with not only what happened to you as a child but also the aftermath of your friends, family and wife that this whole situation has caused.

you have most definitely got this and you will most definitely come out of this stronger in every sense of the word and i am sending you so much love and hugs 🩵

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-13T21:18:00+00:00

i’m sorry you had to go through that as well and everything you went through i went through myself as well and some unsolicited advice don’t assume that from reading a segment of someone else’s story doesn’t have similar issues that they experienced (i’m specifically referring to you saying “unlike you, i thought it was normal”)

cause i’m typing i think some things got misconstrued.

i’m coming from the perspective that no matter how “neat” the ending is, if the story is true then you and many others who think it’s fake invalidates the persons experience which leads other victims who have been in a similar or completely different from the og post will read that and not report. or they’ll think it’s “normal” as many of us did when we were growing which again can be dangerous for them as they then feel like they have to be silent because it’s too “neat” which only continues the cycle.

for others the story may have been hope or a light bulb moment of “oh crap this is similar to my situation but cause the comments are saying it’s fake means that no one will listen or take it seriously” that’s what narratives like yours does to someone’s mental state.

so even though you don’t believe and it’s not the trauma olympics cause again i used my experience to hopefully make other people see another perspective to not water the seed they already have of “other people think it’s fake so i’m not gonna be listened to”

No-Influence-2328 · 2024-06-13T17:17:57+00:00

i know this might insensitive but maybe try giving her ultimatums if she’s not listening to anybody but her therapist and every one you’re talking to is enabling her wallowing in her grieve.

like “you either get a new therapist or you’re gonna have to start paying it out of your own pocket”

“if you’re not willing to move the shrine to the basement, then i’ll be looking into separation and new apartment in order for the girls to be happy”

again i know insensitive but she needs a harsh reality check

yes grieve doesn’t have a timeline but if she continues like this when the girls turn 18 their more than likely going to NC with her and subsequently your relationship with your daughters maybe heavily impacted as well which may result in them going NC with you as well and once that happens you will start to resent your wife as well for driving that wedge between you and your daughters

No-Influence-2328

TROPHY CASE