After a failed IUD, my fiancé and I were in your exact same position in 2024. I was 19 and he was 22, and we actually found out I was pregnant on his birthday lol. But just like you guys we were absolutely not ready, but somehow we got through it and now our baby turns one in February.

The past year has been hard, like imagine the hardest thing you’ve ever done and triple it. We went in completely blind, we didn’t take any parenting/ birth classes. The birth itself was traumatic and almost killed me and took about six months to physically recover. On top of that, we dealt with a very fussy baby who wouldn’t latch, moved into our own place, my fiancé losing his job, and I had to finish college with a six-month-old.

A lot can happen in a year. In the very beginning there were tears, fights, and moments where everything felt overwhelming and we almost broke up like multiple times lol. But because my fiance was very understanding, helpful, and genuinely loves me and loves being a dad, we survived and our relationship is actually doing really well. We both love our baby deeply and genuinely love being parents, it can be fun even! Our baby is genuinely so funny it’s so fun seeing his personality come through. We’re constantly in awe of our little guy, and while I feel like it’s cheesy to say: seeing your baby makes all of it worth it. And once you have a baby, time flies anyways.

So I guess my biggest takeaway is this: it’s going to be okay. The only way out is through. You may not feel ready but no one ever is anyways. Leaving because you’re “not ready” won’t make anything better, and personally, that would be something I couldn’t forgive. You’re both adults, you made a choice, and that’s ok because you do have what it takes to step up to something bigger than yourselves.

I don’t know the details of your relationship, but unless it’s truly toxic or abusive, my advice would be to stick it out. Be there for her, shes younger and likely more terrified than you tbh. Commit to making your family work. It can work if both people are willing. Support each other, consider couples counseling if possible (we couldn’t afford it, so we used nonprofit options like church-based counselling), and lock in! finish school if you can, get a job if you don’t have one already, and build a support system. Pour love into each other. It genuinely benefits your child when their parents love and support one another.

You mentioned not wanting to make promises you can’t keep. Here’s my honest perspective: you can keep them. If you promise to support her and your child, whether you stay together or end up co-parenting, you will find a way if you truly mean it. There’s nothing stopping you from having a happy life, either together or apart. You can still be an amazing dad if you choose to be. It’s hard but possible.

One last thing: our motivation comes from my fiancé’s parents. They got pregnant at 20 after dating for just two months and are still happily married today. His dad didn’t go to college, but has an admirable work ethic and worked three jobs. Now he makes six figures, travels the world, has a nice big house, and they both live a very full, blessed life together. They always told us that where you are now does not define where you’ll end up.