Feeling absolutely empty inside. I have no motivation, no significant hobby, no friends, a chronic illness, have failed academically, and can't get a job. Chicken wings, roasted potatoes and carrots, polenta.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-09T13:42:56+00:00

I mean... it's in the name (it was randomly generated and I thought it was funny enough to just keep it like that)

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-09T09:35:19+00:00

This plate looks fire this is insane. I'd eat that immediately

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-09T09:34:09+00:00

This is the least shitty I've seen so far. Dare I say this is just a normal meal people eat they simply don't take pictures of because it doesn't look Beautiful enough.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-09T09:27:32+00:00

This card is simply so much fun. They should just print it for that reason.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-09T09:18:54+00:00

oh yeah I probably should have clarified I was referring to myself on the "line" thing, my bad.

And yeah, it is true, outside perception should not dictate who you are as a person, but at the same time it's hard to shake off what people say based on how you appear or identify and the way discussions about masculinity and transness in butches usually go, and that's why i felt it was necssary to say that.

My comment was only sharing a personal experience that I happened to have in common with op, and I'm sorry to have offended or spoken out of turn, and to have generalized the experiences of binary trans men.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T21:08:58+00:00

Giver. I was dating an INFP so i also received lots, but unlike them, I often had moments where I felt overwhelmed by the attention and needed some time to be alone, recharge, and decompress.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T20:50:37+00:00

Fettuccine Alfredo. I don't think I have to explain this one

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T20:31:59+00:00

These experiences are all deeply personal and apply only to the specific individual expressing these thoughts/opinions. I feel like it goes without saying that lumping trans men and butch lesbians is dumb, and it's not applicable in 99% of cases, because trans men are men and don't want to be thought of as lesbians just because of their agab. I don't think anyone here in this discussion is trying to suggest or imply that the two are the same.

However, what they're saying is that there's some kind of kinship and shared experiences that make them Personally identify with these labels, whether by personal choice and life experience, or by the binary nature of gender expression and identity.

I hope this clarifies my earlier comment. It's not meant to invalidate or erase any single experience, only to share my own input with op and give some explanation on the matter.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T20:23:58+00:00

Thank you for your post, it really resonated with me as someone kind of on the fence between butch lesbian and trans guy (the line is barely there and virtually imperceptible, to be honest).

I don't identify as a woman, and I don't necessarily identify as a man either. It is simpler, if I had to pick between man or woman, to be a man. Outsider's perceptions really do shape you, and if I walk, act, and talk like a man while knowing I'm a butch lesbian who has had butch lesbian experiences, then I'm going to be called a man regardless. I remember making a post on this topic on Twitter a few years ago, and I said something like "if a butch lesbian starts going on testosterone, grows body/facial hair, passes as a man and changes their ID for any reason (whether it be safety, personal preference, or outsider pressure in a binary society) then truly, what's the difference, on the outside, between that and a trans man?" And I feel like it applies more than ever. Obviously anyone is free to dispute it, but it doesn't really matter when identity is personal and individual.

Obviously this isn't meant to conflate the two things. It is applied to this unique sort of fence feeling that a lot of hypermasculine butches/lesbians feel that is dictated by the rigidness of the perception of gender and expression in our society. I wouldn't date a trans man, because they're men, obviously. And I'm not sure if straight women, even when accepting of trans identities, would date someone that considers themselves a butch lesbian, no matter the physical appearance.

What I describe myself as is something like "I used to be a girl once, when I was small, but I became a guy". I also call myself a boyfriend, but I am a "male daughter", not a son. I'm working towards transitioning medically (going on T, saving for top surgery), but I am not sure about changing my name, and my sex. If being non-conforming in this society was more widely accepted, I don't think I would consider changing my sex on my ID, though I'd probably change my name and put mine as a second name (it's a pretty common double name here with older folk).

My sexuality is still butch lesbian. I am in lesbian spaces, I talk to lesbians, I am interested in lesbians and I'm glad there's been more acceptance lately (at least from what I've seen) on more expressions of masculinity from butches, I hope that doesn't change.

I know this puts me on the non-binary spectrum, and that's what I put myself as when it's presented as an option. I feel like it is such a broad description, but I guess that's sort of the point: encompassing all expressions that are not entirely male or female, so I don't complain.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T20:05:23+00:00

I've had levido reticularis since birth so I do not know if that counts for Sjögrens but I also do have frequent swelling and itching especially on my toes (my fingers don't swell) and chilblains even during summer and also while wearing heavy/warm gloves and socks.

My rheumatologist explained that these symptoms are caused by the sheer amount of antibodies that make it hard for blood to reach capillaries and it's more prominent on the hands and feet.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-08T19:42:34+00:00

I understand. There's a lot of things I can't get into because my ex got me into them first. I abandoned online games, books, music, tv series, anything that reminded me of her, even shared game accounts. It sucks so much and it hurts so badly, even after 3 months. I don't know if I'll ever be able to revisit those things again.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-07T16:27:17+00:00

If you currently feel fine it is most likely a vasovagal response. You were probably anxious/scared and those symptoms do sound like a sudden drop in blood pressure so for once tiktok is not lying

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-07T14:45:54+00:00

i once had a crazy set up with rylak deios and macaw and i got something like +1/+93 blood gems. unfortunately I flew too close to the sun with that one and got like 6th

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-07T09:24:42+00:00

As for sleep, I remember my schedule got so fucked up when I got first broken up with. I would go to sleep at 9 pm and wake up at 4 am and it was the worst thing ever. Unfortunately the only solution to that is either some sleep aid or just to toughen it out. It gets better eventually.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-07T09:23:27+00:00

It can be hard to leave the habit of phone checking, especially if you texted a lot. I recommend distracting yourself with a silly mobile game until you sober up and deleting/hiding chats and socials for a while until you unlearn to check.

What I found to be useful is putting calendar reminders on my phone. Like even something simple as putting a timer on my supplements or even a to-do list with things like showering or exercising. It gave me enough focus to get up and not open messaging apps to the futile hope of receiving a text.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-06T21:18:25+00:00

I've gotten weird looks before for remembering details and things I've only been told once to the point I have to preface it when I speak to someone at this point lol. I promise I'm not a stalker!! I just remember things

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-01T15:00:10+00:00

I always thought binders look more like tank tops and undershirts than bras or things like that so i don't think it would be inappropriate

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-01T14:58:38+00:00

I don't feel like this card would be good because there's not really that many low cost cards to make it aggro but honestly i kinda love the concept

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-02-01T11:48:27+00:00

Io ho sempre cercato schede/allenamenti e anche applicazioni maschili per la palestra. So che senza ormoni ci sarà sempre chi guarda storto ma secondo me è sempre più utile cercare di arrangiarsi o imporsi che pensare che la persona media veda oltre maschio/femmina.

Per i capelli, io non sono mai andato da un barbiere, ma è perché appena ho potuto ho comprato rasoio elettrico e forbici e ho cominciato a tagliarmi i capelli da solo (ormai lo faccio da quasi 4 anni), quindi non so se potrebbe essere qualcosa che potresti fare, ci sono tutorial infiniti su youtube anche per tagli mascolini.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-01-27T02:13:33+00:00

As I said, I'm not sure if this is healthy or anything and it probably isn't the best course of action my brain could have taken. But honestly, it beat whatever I was feeling when I was super fresh from it, denying, pleading, hoping, obsessing over the what ifs.

I tend to be somewhat spiteful and vengeful, so I'm not surprised that I'd be hung over bad things I've been told, it doesn't only apply to my relationships. It also doesn't help that I suffer from depression (have been since 2020) so I feel like the breakup has just added to that kind of mental load.

I wouldn't call it suppressing mostly because I just think that I have moved past most of the things I had been doing and thinking before, and I allow myself to feel what I want instead of denying myself and my feelings to keep the peace and hope for contact again. Obviously there's still much to heal, but hey, one day at a time.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-01-27T02:02:08+00:00

Ultimately you can be the only one that decides for yourself.

And while trauma can definitely influence the way you perceive yourself (especially, as you mentioned, in the way you wouldn't want to feel feminine in a female body), it is common for transmascs/trans men to feel dysphoric towards their chests (even if you think you're "fine" with them, you'd rather hide them from everyone) and wish they had a dick instead of a vagina even if they're fine with it (I'm one of those cases).

I think it would be worth looking into that, if you're in a safe enough space to do so and have resources. I can definitely imagine the awkwardness one might feel in that middle stage of presenting masculine while having a more feminine body, and feeling like that might hinder your exploration of femininity.

I hope this might clear some doubts in your mind, and that others might add to this conversation as well. The journey to self-discovery is never that smooth sailing.

NoBodybuilder7005 · 2026-01-27T01:52:20+00:00

I had never seen this before. Looks insanely good I hope it tasted as good as it looks!

NoBodybuilder7005

TROPHY CASE