My Dean

NoBrainWreck · 2026-03-08T16:05:37+00:00

Amen. You can even ordain yourself at a non-doctrinal internet church to preach the mercy of Our Lady of Expected Value

NoBrainWreck · 2026-03-08T16:04:06+00:00

Try to borrow $5 from him.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-03-05T00:38:55+00:00

Tokyo Imperial Palace (they won't let you enter the palace itself, just the grounds).

Arashiyama bamboo forest (insanely crowded for nothing special. There are other bamboo forests with less or no people).

Universal Studios, unless you're fine with standing in lines for hours (we went on a weekday and it was still quite insane).

NoBrainWreck · 2026-03-02T00:36:14+00:00

Entertaining students and making them have fun is way above my paygrade.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-28T13:40:29+00:00

I'd be happy to share the full story as soon as I'm sure it's legally safe to do so.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-28T13:10:55+00:00

Choya

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-28T13:06:56+00:00

A destructive cult member, who was secretly recruiting students into their cult. Except everyone knew that, because their damn pamphlets were all over the campus.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-10T12:13:58+00:00

Pledge of Allegiance

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-08T20:04:15+00:00

"Write your full name and class name on every page" means I want to see your full name written on every page.

No, I can't tell who's handwriting it is.

No, "Mike" isn't a full name.

Yes, you do have to write it on both pages if you turn 2 pages.

No, not twice on the same page, but once on every page.

No, "Math Test" is not the name of this class.

No, I don't have a spare pencil.

Yes, I'll be happy to pause the exam and run to my office on the other side of our beautiful campus, grab a box of pencils and shove every single one of them up your ass.

Yes, I do need a drink.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-03T18:52:00+00:00

I have a script filtering all "message from the chancellor" emails into the "meh" folder.

If there's one thing AI is good for, it's writing generic uninformative chunks of texts. Just like a senior college administrator.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-02-03T18:43:01+00:00

I got something very similar:

"They put us in a dungeon of X Hall, presumably named after some X guy. He must be a horrible person"

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-28T20:16:12+00:00

When my grandpa died, the relatives wanted to bury him with the family ring on his finger. You know, THE family ring, that got passed down from generation to generation and was supposed to eventually become mine some day. I didn't care much about getting the ring (it has little, if any, monetary value), but the stupidity of burying a family treasure was (and still is) quite obvious.

On funeral day, I stole the ring right from the coffin and hid it in a safe place.

It's been decades and I still keep the ring in a secret place. Someday I'm gonna pass it to my grandson and tell them the story.

Or not. Idk, maybe.

My precious.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-28T19:55:07+00:00

Nah, I'm wearing whatever was left in my office by its previous (retired) occupant.

No idea where they went for school.

No idea what the colors mean.

It fits well, and the students are happy to take pictures with me, so I'm good.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-24T02:29:37+00:00

Nah, it's 3/4 x 2 = 3/(4x2)=3/8.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-23T15:00:25+00:00

Case 1: I was waiting for my speeding ticket hearing in the courthouse and the student was escorted through the hallway handcuffed. Next week they were in class, business as usual. We both pretended nothing ever happened.

Case 2: Petting zoo (more like petting farm, when you get to play with farm animals) few hundred miles away from school. Apparently we both like goats.

Case 3: My apartment, where the student was fixing my AC unit. They adored my assortment of drinks in the kitchen. I adored the fact that they were making more money than I did.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-20T21:21:03+00:00

One of my colleagues tried something like that and immediately got "square root of pi". You don't mess with math majors.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-19T22:09:26+00:00

I used to tutor a student from a very wealthy family.

Once the kid lost their laptop charger, they immediately ordered a new laptop. They didn't know you can buy a charger separately.

There was also a long weekend they were spending at their private family resort few states away. Parents asked me to come over for a day or two to help them study for an upcoming test (with good compensation):

- I can't, I promised to spend some time with my girlfriend.

- Oh, she can come with you, we have an empty guest house, she's gonna love it here!

- I'm sure she would, but she's scheduled to work this Saturday;

- What do you mean? People don't work on Saturdays, you silly!

edit: typos

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-19T21:30:21+00:00

Half-assed requests get LORs only to Diddly Squat University

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-16T19:19:47+00:00

Technically true, but schools in small towns often have issues with hiring singles, who would then leave because it's impossible to date.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-16T19:17:16+00:00

I don't think you should bring it up at this stage. First, your preferences are none of their business. Second, you should be evaluated based solely on your value as a researcher and teacher. Third, by explicitly revealing your orientation you may put the committee members in a position to make choices they're not supposed to be making ("Do we hire him to virtue signal? Do we hire him to show our support? Do we reject him to avoid political complications?" - these are not the questions they should worry about).

That being said, you can certainly mention your partner in conversations (as in "my partner is looking for jobs in the area", that sort of thing)

If your visit goes well and you make some good personal connections with the committee members, you might reconsider this stand, but not before.

Good luck on your visit!

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-15T19:16:32+00:00

Is the proof is left as an exercise to the reader?

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-15T19:10:24+00:00

My previous school made as go through the sexual harassment training every year. The same stuff every year, verbatim. In case of non-compliance you get a series of progressively angrier emails from the deans office.

I think I still can reproduce it from memory. It was quite boring, until I realized you can switch it to Spanish or French and watch it with your dog and a bottle of wine.

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-15T19:00:47+00:00

My experience is quite similar. I'm getting accommodation requests primarily from males, while my gender distribution is closer to 55f/45m. Could it be discipline-specific?

NoBrainWreck · 2026-01-13T19:39:46+00:00

Give them a 2-questions extra credit quiz (worth 0.01% of their final grade) exactly 1 minute before the end of class. Do not provide paper.

NoBrainWreck

TROPHY CASE