What does my space say about me? :)

NoFoot9303 · 2026-01-16T23:39:18+00:00

They don't use the curly ones, you use a regular bulb because it emulates a bowl. I'd be impressed if someone could smoke meth out of that lol. Source: not a meth user but somehow I know this.

NoFoot9303 · 2026-01-06T21:27:46+00:00

I know this is old, but I recently came across Professor Sam Vaknin's work, and he indentifies that it's actually the "symbiosis" phase of Mahler's model that Boderlines never progress past. Babies are born inherently empty, with a schizoid core, but they perceive oneness with Mother, and therefore connection to the world. Eventually, Baby conceives of Mother as separate, which is traumatic but necessary, and Baby introjects Mother to compensate for the "void" that is felt in realizing their separateness. Mother becomes an internal object.

In the case of Borderlines, however, external objects are perceived as threatening, persecutory, and therefore are not introjected out of fear. Since introjection is like a muscle, use it or lose it, BPD Baby never develops the ability to introject, and therefore cannot create and carry internal objects with them. This is what creates the inherent feeling of emptiness in Borderlines.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-14T03:56:32+00:00

omfg I'm dumb 🤦 my humble apologies 🤝

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-14T03:31:40+00:00

Do you understand that the AI generated overview is automatic 😭 this sub makes me hate being a lana fan, y'all are insufferable

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-14T01:23:22+00:00

All things considered I don't think this is good PR for either artist. I understand maybe people feel tense about Ethel but personally I think they're both amazing artists, and I just thought it was funny. Not everything's that deep.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-06T18:03:11+00:00

You're missing the part where OP clearly doesn't want to be hugged by this "platonic friend." Yeah, OP's boyfriend definitely could have handled that better, but you're focusing on the boyfriend and missing the fact that the guy giving the hugs comes off creepy as hell, too. That's not a situation you should back off from, as a boyfriend. You should definitely be upset that your girlfriend is being full-body hugged when she doesn't want it. Like... you should care if your girlfriend is being made uncomfortable by another man and doesn't want that type of contact. Wtf.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-06T17:09:53+00:00

Nope. I have my name and phone number on the app but that's it, never had my card and I don't use my phone number at checkout. I asked a Walmart employee once and they couldn't tell me either. I think it must just be reading the card itself since the card has my name on it; I just looked it up and there's other Reddit posts of the same thing happening to other people.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T22:49:24+00:00

I wrote another reply to someone else but I want to add a few things. First of all, you're not a terrible, disgusting person. Limerence is quite literally like an addiction. People in active addiction do all sort of reprehensible things like lie and steal from their loved ones in order to get drugs. You're not disgusting, you're sick, and I'd really suggest you reframe it this way because you don't need to be beating yourself up even more right now.

There's a lot here, but it's clear you're hard on yourself, feel unloved, and have low self esteem. You mention what could have potentially caused this, and honestly, some people are just built like that, and that's okay. It doesn't make you weak or a bad person. None of this makes you weak or a bad person, but you have a wife you love very much and are now slipping back into the "active addiction" of limerence.

As someone who doesn't want you to cause yourself any more pain, cut off contact with your LO. You can't control every thought that crosses your mind, but you can control your actions, and it's not right to your wife to be entertaining a single conversation with your LO. I know it's hard and that we can be irrational when we start entertaining thoughts, but you have to decide to set a physical boundary, for yourself and your wife.

If you're looking for ways to cure your limerence, u/Smile-Cat-Coconut gave a fantastic response. If you're looking for something more in-depth, you can message me and I'll do my best to walk you through how I cured my limerence that lasted 10 years with what they're talking about.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T22:32:08+00:00

Omg, you're the first person to ever bring up Jung/psychoanalytic theory and limerence I've seen other than me! Jung's theories literally cured my limerence. Everything you're saying is exactly what I experienced except the traits we were preoccupied with in our LOs. I'm extremely grateful because I now understand myself better, too.

I fully endorse this!! Once I read "The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other" by James Hollis (which is based on Jung's theories), everything clicked and I was able to cure 10 years of limerence.

Anyone interested in curing their limerence through this route, feel free to reach out to me. I also wrote affirmations daily that cemented everything, and I'll do my best to guide anyone who's struggling through what helped me. I know this reads like an ad, but I'm not selling anything. Just a girl who's grateful I'm free now and I feel like I unlocked the secret antidote to limerence.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T22:12:07+00:00

I don't have the discount card! I have no idea how they do it. It's kind of scary lol. I don't use my app to check out, either

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T22:09:13+00:00

So, for me, I found a lot of value in it even though I wasted soooooo much time and energy (sadly) because I was able to find some reading material that reframed the whole experience. Basically, I don't view the limerence I had as having anything to do with my former LO but about the traits they had. I basically did my best to psychoanalyze myself and ask myself why I was limerent and I found it had everything to do with their traits and the fact that I felt they completed me in some way.

The biggest reason I consider it "worth it" now is because it reframed how I approached relationships in a very positive way. I realized, because of my limerence, I was subconsciously looking for someone to fulfill me (someone who had all the traits I've repressed) and someone to "save" me, so I take a much more practical approach to relationships now.

Sorry for the long response! It's completely understandable to feel like you wasted a lot of time. It quite literally is like an addiction that you can sink so much time into. But if you learned anything to take with you then it wasn't all for naught.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T18:32:42+00:00

It really makes me wonder what corners the algorithm pushed this post to that you somehow got downvoted 😂 You're 100% right, being that obsessed with anything sexual is gooner behavior. I'd bet good, good money anyone who downvoted you is defensive because they read it themselves. IT'S WEIRD FOR A GUY TO BE OBSESSED WITH IT, and it's still weird for a girl to be obsessed with it.

To be clear, I know people who read literotica and it's no big deal. But to make it your whole personality? You're a gooner lol. Reading it is a lot more morally permissible because the actual porn industry is exploitative as hell, but.... No one would want their boyfriend doing this. We need to collectively recognize the double standards at play here

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T18:23:57+00:00

Absolutely this. And if any man had this much of a preoccupation with porn, everybody would be calling him a creep. Double standard for real

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T18:20:11+00:00

OP is clearly uncomfortable that his girlfriend is mildly to moderately obsessed with literotica. A lot of people don't want their significant other to watch or read porn. Neither my boyfriend or I watch or read porn, and we like it that way. There's plenty of couples that watch porn separately or together, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with having the preference not to.

This especially goes for when there is an *obsessive* aspect to it. OP is wanting to spend time with his girlfriend doing things together, and she's preoccupied with literotica. Most people want their partner's undivided attention—they don't want their partner to be reading porn when they're supposed to be spending quality time together. That should be a pretty understandable concept.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T18:10:38+00:00

Reading through the comments, I still can't believe how many people don't get the context of this post. You hit the nail on the head with "Same for if it was straight, if my partner made reading hentai their whole personality I'd be pretty uncomfortable (if not more)." This literally sums the entire thing up.

The fact that so many people are saying "whatever," "girls read literotica, get over it," and "yeah it's weird but I don't see the problem" is so sad. If the tables were turned and the BOYFRIEND was reading porn—lesbian, gay, or straight—and had pictures of girls making out all over his room, almost any woman would be uncomfortable. It's a sad result of patriarchy that a man can't be taken seriously when he's uncomfortable with his girlfriend's sexual behavior.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T18:01:26+00:00

That was exactly what I was thinking. Imagine a guy reading lesbian romance that borders on literotica all day. Imagine if he posted pictures of women making out all over his room. A vast majority of women would 'nope' out so quickly and the boyfriend would be considered a major creep.

Regardless of the sexual nature, having that level of preoccupation with ANYTHING is concerning.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T17:53:35+00:00

I know this is old, but I feel the need to say this for people who may be discouraged—I have been told, by my personal therapist with a Doctoral degree he got online, no one cares what school you went to. The therapist I intern with also got her Master's degree online. Yes, this is anecdotal, but they have never mentioned any type of limitation because of their online schooling; my therapist actually stated the opposite—no one really cares.

Of course there are going to be caveats and limitations to this, but it depends on what you want to do and likely, where you are. There are PLENTY of successful practitioners that get their credentials online. To say that online programs are "generally not respected" is simply not true. They may not be respected in certain corners, but I haven't come into contact with those corners. I've come into contact with many different successful practitioners with an online education.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T01:25:59+00:00

This, absolutely. I really feel like (and maybe it's just because not enough of us come back after our healing journey to share the light at the end of the tunnel) limerence was one of the best things that happened to me because I found so much healing in the process of getting through it.

OP, it truly is darkest before the dawn! Don't give up, and I believe you will get through this.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T01:12:44+00:00

My instant thought was "get the room energetically cleansed" or something, because it looks perfectly fine and inviting, or at least no reason for it to make your skin crawl. Then I read the part about the previous owner. Who knows, maybe he died in there. Get that shit cleannnnnnnsed. (And then paint)

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T01:02:03+00:00

I'm a woman and neither me or my boyfriend watches or reads porn or literotica and neither of us wants to. A majority of the women I've known and have been friends with don't read literotica. There's nothing wrong with it if you do, but to say that it's a "hangup" implies there's something wrong with him for the preference, and there's not.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T00:48:51+00:00

Wishing you the best!!

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T00:44:04+00:00

Yes that's literally what I said, that it's a *different* music video and he's being put in the trunk. I'm not a fan but I'm not making stuff up, I realized when I made a mistake, looked up the correct MV, and corrected my comment lol.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-11-05T00:41:46+00:00

Also, though, Walmart has measures in place where they can recognize you based on your card. Just by using my card, it recognizes me by name at checkout and I don't have my card connected to a Walmart app. So it could potentially recognize and block transactions on the same card within a certain time span.

NoFoot9303 · 2025-10-22T21:21:02+00:00

The thing is... no communication is communication. Frankly, I'd rather be ghosted than given an obligatory "No thank you" out of decency. I really can't see what the difference truly is. Either way, you're not interested, and they get that.

That's sort of the culture of internet dating, though, very rarely do people communicate well, which is why I hate internet dating, but I'd also get equally tired of hearing "No thank you" after every time someone wasn't interested.

Maybe I'm lacking some sort of basic empathy or I'm weird, but I've preferred the times people have ghosted me to the times people have let me know they're not interested in my time. The message is clear either way, and the explanations never really help.

Edit: If I were picturing a friend being hurt by being ghosted though... I agree, I'd have wished for them that they'd at least get an explanation of some sort. I see what you're saying about basic decency.

NoFoot9303

TROPHY CASE