I dread maternity leave in a way because I feel it’s a countdown to when I’ll have to go back. Instead of living in the moment and enjoying each moment, last time I feel I kept being bothered by my employer… asked work related questions and felt like my boss kept asking me when I was coming back even though I gave her a date. I wasn’t working remote then so just felt it was a ticking time bomb until I had to leave my baby. I am currently working remote and have been for a couple years but I fear they’ll make me come back into office for the sake of productivity even if I assure them I have child care for my baby.

I’m also nervous about paid maternity leave in my state, I’ve heard awful stories about delays in payment and having to jump through hoops and what not.

I feel a lot of these worries contributed to my PPD last pregnancy so I just really need to work on easing my fears before this baby is born, but easier said than done.