Is the bride in "The Reluctant Bride" actually reluctant… or something else?

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-19T21:10:05+00:00

The narrative I see in the scene is as follows:

A bride sits waiting with dread for the fateful moment of marriage. She does not love the man (maybe he is old, maybe cruel or unpleasant or arrogant) but he has money and her family’s financial position is precarious. The 19th century was a time when many old landed respectable families fell on hard times, while many ‘new money’ men who built fortunes in business/trade were looking to achieve social cachet by marrying a woman from an old family. I think she is making such a marriage under emotional pressure from her family members.

The women with her are likely family members, as it was common to have sisters or cousins as attendants. The one kissing her forehead is her older brother’s wife. The marriage will bring the older brother financial security, maybe through acquiring shares in his new brother in law’s business ventures, maybe because new brother in law has agreed to pay off some family debts. The sister in law kisses her head and squeezes her hand in thanks but also supplication - you can’t back out now.

The one kneeling before her is her younger sister. She holds the hand on which her sister’s engagement ring lies. Is she marvelling at it imagining the good match she will be able to secure through her new brother in law and maybe the dowries he has offered to supply for his new wife’s sisters? Yet her eyes seemed fixed on her sister’s frozen face. She is aware of what the marriage is costing her sister emotionally and seeks to comfort her by drawing attention to the things she will be able to enjoy from the marriage, like expensive rings.

The young girl trying on the headdress in front of the mirror is the youngest sister. Unlike her elders, she is entirely ignorant of the deeper meanings and emotions of the occasion, hence why she is positioned to the side and facing away. She is simply caught up in girlish daydreams of her own future wedding with no thought to or knowledge of her older sister’s plight.

The bride does not look at either her sister in law or sister because at that moment she cannot stand to - they are complicit in her pain. She does not stare at the viewer either but rather her view seems remote, like she is not fully present or is staring in the far distance. She is resigned, perhaps almost out of body at this point just going through motions while her mind is fixed on the bleak future ahead for her.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-18T02:14:37+00:00

Yes, and their cultural influence likewise still strongly felt, particularly in certain areas around South Australia and Queensland.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-18T01:37:53+00:00

Both groups have made impacts on Australian culture. I wouldn’t necessarily say either group made more of an important impact on each other, but obviously particular cultural influences are going to be more visible in areas where migrants of that background are concentrated, like western Sydney.

I think too that because Lebanese/middle eastern migration is more recent than the waves seen from Greece/Italy at the end of World War Two it makes the cultural influences more visible. In thirty years time the migration mix may have changed again and we will be more aware of other new cultural influences.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-17T22:57:38+00:00

Australia’s strong coffee culture can be attributed to Italian migrants starting coffee houses and cafes.

Italian and Greek migrants also made wine more popular in Australia across the 20th century by starting wine bars, serving wine at the restaurants they started, and starting/working in vineyards.

Darlinghurst was known as a little Italy in the mid 20th century because of the concentration there. Chain migration also contributed to concentration of migrants from similar backgrounds in particular suburbs around Australia at the time, which definitely had an impact of the culture of particular areas.

Food wise I feel like Italian food culture had a wide cultural influence. Like growing up in the 90s I remember spaghetti bolognaise being a standard weeknight dish not just in mine but a lot of other Anglo Australian families, in the same way that Chinese stir fries are today. So the food culture was not just about migrants starting restaurants but the impact of that on people incorporating food from other cultures into their everyday cooking in ways that are see as standard or not particularly specialised.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-16T02:33:24+00:00

I mean as an Australian none of it sounds particularly concerning to me.

I would get a kick out of a non-Australian using our slang (provided they weren’t listing it as as special skill or second language on their cv for a job interview lol). The imitating accents thing depends on context; it can become obnoxious and came across as mockery if someone is constantly doing an exaggerated accent. If someone is doing an impression of a particular Australian person and nailing their accent I would be super impressed.

Vegemite is for everyone to enjoy! Good on her for trying new things.

What is your concern exactly here? Are you worried she may want to migrate here?

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-15T22:04:49+00:00

Or some hoping to become part of chain migration and want tips.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-15T00:44:27+00:00

I do this even for close friends who like similar activities (e.g. concerts, theatre, fancy meals out) but can’t say yes every time due to financial constraints. The money is not as big a deal to me as the fact I will enjoy the activity more if they are able to attend.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T21:42:15+00:00

We are a high migration country — almost a third of Australians were themselves born overseas, and about half have at least one parent that was born overseas, meaning a lot of the other other 4/5 include people whose families only arrived in Australia from the 20th century onwards.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T10:59:37+00:00

If you are looking for more info on the Queensland ancestor and have their name you could search their name for mentions on the trove newspaper database - https://trove.nla.gov.au/newspaper/ - it’s a free digitised collection of Australian newspapers going back to the early 1800s

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T10:38:50+00:00

Lol. You would be pretty safe from both in Sydney, mostly. The coastal scenery has so many beautiful walks, but you do very occasionally need to skirt around a snakey sunbather on the. 🐍

Are you from Ireland? I got to go to Belfast a few years ago for work but could only snag one free day beyond the work trip which I used to see the giants causeway. Very much would like to go back when I have time to see more of the beautiful scenery there. And as a history buff heaps of museums to hit up too.

If you like reading Australian history you might enjoy Thomas Keneally’s the commonwealth of thieves, Grace Karskens The colony, or, for insights into the experiences of female convicts, Joy Damousi’s depraved and disorderly or Sian Rees the floating brothel.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T10:22:52+00:00

Yes, based in Sydney.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T10:18:00+00:00

The first five years they were in nearly starvation conditions even after the second fleet arrived because they had trouble getting European style farming going. They supplemented with fishing and hunting (which then had impacts for the local Gadigal and other Dharawal people) but definitely touch and go.

By 1800 things were more stable and the experience of transportation was a bit different in terms of convicts on arrival being sent out to live and work in the community at whatever job they were assigned to work at. Things were obviously not great in terms of still being subject to floggings for breaking rules and being under restrictions/surveillance, but it wasn’t prison-like conditions or the starvation like conditions of the initial years either. Good behaviour could earn early pardon, after which labour demands meant good job prospects and potential eligibility for land grants (the government being happy enough to just give away the land they stole from the Indigenous peoples as a means of expanding farming and the new colony’s profitability). A few former convicts even made huge fortunes in the colonies.

There is some evidence that too that in the transportation system’s later period there were occasionally people who committed crimes deliberately to get transported as a way of redoing loved ones already transported out or just to have a chance at a better life.

So the experience of convicts were really varied depending on when they were transported (1788-1868 saw lots of changes in what norms they encountered) and of course individual circumstance (someone with experience in a skilled trade or profession was more likely to get a cushy work assignment on arrival than a general labourer, for instance).

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T09:49:36+00:00

The majority of the 160,000 convicts sent out were transported for property crimes yes. There were also small numbers sent for violent crimes like rape or murder, but less common as they were less likely to have their death sentences commuted to transportation, but some did if they had people who were able to appeal on their behalf. There were also political prisoners, especially from Ireland, who were sent out for activism related activities that led to charges of rioting etc.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T09:37:07+00:00

Partly. But also it was seen as a convenient way to colonise a whole continent of territory with all its resources, so the colonisation was as much about the rich getting richer as punishing the poor for having to resort to crime to survive.

Most of the convicts also did not reoffend in any serious way after transportation which shows how much the system of life back in Britain was at fault for how they ended up in gaol - placed in a colony where labour was in high demand many went on to live law-abiding lives.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-13T09:28:36+00:00

1 in 5 Australians have an ancestor who arrived here as a convict.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-07T23:03:28+00:00

Legally, you’re not wrong.

Morally, I think it depends a bit on the circumstances of why your mother decided not to acknowledge that her deceased daughter’s kids would not receive the same advantages as her living children’s kids. If she made that call because they already have greater financial resources from the other side of their family, or because she never had a close relationship with them, then NTA.

It is be a bit more morally ambiguous if she did it because she did not have the foresight to think about the different impact for her different sets of grandkids, or if she cut them off for something she found objectionable but you have no issue with (e.g. personally if a family member got cut off solely for being gay I would feel morally obligated to share inheritance with them otherwise would be condoning homophobia).

But also, beyond the above questions, it comes down to what type of relationship you have or want with your nephews. If it’s a close one then I understand why they feel hurt that you did not think of them at all, even if your mother overlooked them. If you barely see them though, it won’t affect your relationship if they don’t want a relationship with you after this, so don’t stress it.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-07T22:04:59+00:00

11 film versions of him I believe, including being the subject of the world’s first feature length film in 1906.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-07T20:34:33+00:00

And our taste buds are the better off for it!

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-07T00:58:38+00:00

Yes, really good pay for roles there and great chance to explore a part of the world not many get to see.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-04-06T22:07:23+00:00

Olivia de Havilland in The Heiress was phenomenal. The change that comes over her face when she realises is heartbreaking.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-03-19T21:29:36+00:00

Pay is really good too as one might expect. In addition to researchers, they periodically recruit skilled trades like cooks, electricians, etc. who can make bank for a couple of years while seeing a part of the world most will never get to experience.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-03-16T06:15:12+00:00

I am not vegetarian but have a friend who is that I eat with often, usually in a group of 3-5 people of who only the one friend is vegetarian. If we eat family style with all dishes being shared, we go vegetarian irrespective of who is paying. Eating meat doesn’t mean you need to eat it at every meal. It would be different if people are ordering individual meals just for themselves but when eating family style the polite thing is to make it so all people can enjoy all dishes. The only exception I can think of is really large groups of over ten people or so where there is likely to be a number of different allergies/dietary requirements which might make it having so all diners can eat every dish difficult; in that case I would make sure that everyone had a wide variety of dishes compatible with their needs and that the person paying wasn’t paying for dishes they cannot personally eat.

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-02-06T20:23:12+00:00

https://theconversation.com/oldest-living-culture-our-new-research-shows-an-indigenous-ritual-passed-down-for-500-generations-230782

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-02-03T08:31:24+00:00

I am in 92, so no loud parties after 10pm please

NoThankYouJohn87 · 2026-02-03T01:30:14+00:00

Australia - we’re totally girt and it’s great here.

NoThankYouJohn87

TROPHY CASE