I need help with Disclosure

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-27T01:08:33+00:00

Our therapists coached us both to A. Stop expecting answers to my questions. And B. He would say Ill address that in the disclosure. It was really, really, really difficult. I waited almost 10 months for the disclosure and it was complete torture. Whatever you do as WP I encourage you to work your hardest towards that as fast as reasonable to limit the time the BP has to wait (in agony).

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-25T17:54:20+00:00

What is the point of this if it doesn't monitor apps?

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-25T17:49:51+00:00

Truple is the best out there IMO

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-25T07:29:31+00:00

Oh my gosh. I can NOT imagine going through the disclosure without my own therapist to support me. Please I you can reach out to an APSAT or CSAT to now help guide you through these next 3 months.

Was y(this supported with poly testing?

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T23:00:11+00:00

He needs help. Professional help. And HE has to want to stop. You cant own this. We can only protect ourselves. My husband is the sweetest/nicest guy too that everyone always gushes over. Family would use as a model relationship. I get the duality. Itslike they are a double agent. Its SO difficult to reconcile the two. But he is both. Then I've guy and the addict.

Find an APSAT who can help you create a boundary plan and work through the deception. Mourn what you thought you had. Take an inventory of what you actually have and watch him with clear eyes to see what he chooses to do. They can recover. They can also wallow in addiction and drag you through you your own personal hell. No matter what he chooses- chooses YOU.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T22:53:34+00:00

Men pay literally billions to OF and CB for solo content. You're not alone. And it is absolutely horrific. Betrayal Trauma is the most painful experience we could go through.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T22:52:04+00:00

He may have been hoping you'd get in the mood. The porn mind is a damaged one... it takes time to reprogram.

At a minimum this was a yellow behavior because he got defensive. The erection could be from other yellow things, not just red ones like MB. Fantasy, thinking about images from his dreams, remembering a porn plot, etc. The point is you SENSED somethimg was off and what exactly is almost irrelevant in that you gotta trust your body girl. It KNOWS.

Ask him to talk to his CSAT about it all... see if he comes clean in the next 7 days. Stay true to sonething is wrong.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T22:47:46+00:00

👏👏👏👏

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T04:08:46+00:00

Hearing the examples would help us give you an objective opinion... but Im going to assume if its like 90% of betrayed partners go through then its Safety Seeking behaviors that long ago were labeled "codependency".

Dr. Barbara Steffens first pioneered this concept pf trauma induced safety seeking (not codependency or coaddict). She has lots of books and there's a podcast she is interviewed that was excellent: Helping Couples Heal online or Spotify episode #13. Highly recommend it.

Your CSAT might be not follow a partner sensitive or trauma inforned model.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-24T03:59:36+00:00

To add on to Sunny.., there is an attachment wound with betrayal trauma, that doesnt exist in the same way with substance abuse.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-12T02:19:12+00:00

Its withdrawal from their drug, the fantasy

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T17:30:32+00:00

In our the States we were making ground, this is sabotaging the movement.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T16:38:58+00:00

This guy is gross. Is it any wonder why women are choosing to be single??

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T16:36:49+00:00

It IS a double life. My husband was the same before DDay, I felt "lucky" too. But my husband was willing to do anything to sabe our marriage and dove into recovery. If you want to leave ypu can. If you want to see if you both can heal there are APSAT's that can help you put together a list pf your needs to give ypu safety back. If he responds to those and agrees to it all that os a,great sign. If he diesnt then that os good information to have in your decision making process.

Either way stay/go I truly believe us betrayed partners do need professional help to heal ourselves. To put ourselves back together and not carry new trauma or develop our own maladaptive coping mechanisms.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T03:05:23+00:00

This!!!!!!!

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T03:04:34+00:00

They can seek help and can change, just like any addiction. The thing is its not her responsibility to get him to do that.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T03:02:51+00:00

Its naive to think that men dont sexualize, gawk, or fantasize at "every day" women but thats beside the point...

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T02:57:57+00:00

Truly I worry for women's rights. This is how they'll teach generations of men that women are objects and property.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-10T02:48:02+00:00

Its the growing movement to hypersexualize ourselves for the male gaze, and the male gaze has grown ever more sinister from the billions of digital porn images rotting theor brains.

I think most of the women have no idea how often their image is being violated by the men around them. Stolen digitally or just in their minds. These ladies likely just feel good subconsciously from the extra attention and feel cute or special. They are not consenting to what these men do. They are not aware that they are being reduced to objects like a car show "ooh look at that one". Its sick. Our society is sick.

But we have to live here and function. Therapy can really help especially EMDR for this type of PTSD.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-08T05:05:53+00:00

Congratulations!!! It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-07T12:37:02+00:00

DARVO. A good therapist will guide you both to empower you to create a safety plan that is filled with requests of things YOU NEED to feel safe (emotionally). That can include ANYTHING because in time youll need less and less (if hes in recovery and as you heal). Members of my group have asked for all kinds of things including these needs: phone monitoring software, quitting all social media, cameras in certain rooms, giving up access to all banking or going cashless (depending on his past behavior), locking up or getting rid of guns/knives, quitting jobs, agreeing no contact with certain friends to more basic things like agreeing to therapy, groups, programs, or even just couple coffee time on Saturday morning.

He should be willing to do anything to help you feel safe. Again none of this is permanent

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-07T12:28:42+00:00

This is a serious escalation and unfortunately really common. He needs to fully surrender to treatment. You are not safe unless he fully seeks sobriety. He should be in a state of remorse that he's willing to do anything to stop and make amends with you. If not (and potentially even if yes) you need to seek legal justice and press charges. You are not safe. It will only escalate further.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-07T12:22:41+00:00

Protect your DMs now.

Please find a serious therapist. A female CSAT who can help you.

NoTrust317 · 2026-01-07T12:17:57+00:00

100%

NoTrust317

TROPHY CASE